Nov15

Twitter in Focus: Cookie Monster

by tonyd on November 15, 2017 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is Cookie Monster!  He’s the only celebrity left that isn’t beating Twitter over the head with his politics.  Let’s talk about my favorite subject—  COOKIE!

@MeCookieMonster

October 24th:  “Oh boy oh boy oh boy!!! It ! Me think me going to stick with me favorite to celebrate… COOOKIES!!!!”

Wise words.  Wise words from a wise monster.

October 25th:  “Cookies Cookies and more Cookies! ”

Only to be surpassed by “Cookie-cookie-cookie-cookie-cookie!”

October 25th:  “Me cannot pick me costume for Halloween! Should me be one cookie or a few cookies?”

One giant cookie.  I can imagine more of you.

October 27th:  “Oh boy oh boy oh boy! Me no can wait till Thanksgiving!”

And a turkey stuffed with cookies?  Genius!

November 2nd:  “Oh boy oh boy oh boy!!! It me BIRTHDAY!!!! Me can’t wait for birthday COOKIES!”

Exactly what I said on mine.  Get out of my head!

November 2nd:  “Dat look delicious! ”

C is for Cookie, but D is for Diabetes if you eat too many of them!

November 2nd:  “it me birthday and me crunch if me want to!”

I sometimes like the soft ones.  Can’t be too crunchy.  Those are stale.

November 6th:  “Me no understand why people having trouble with phones. “Me” not autocorrect to anything!”

That’s the great thing about being a monster.  Who is going to correct your grammar?  Certainly not a man made of cookies, that’s for sure.

November 7th:  “Me had so much fun on ! Me CHEWED lots of cookies! Get It?”

I actually saw that episode.  You’re the most life-like puppet on the show!

5 hours ago:  “Me can totally eat 30 cookies in under 30 minutes! ”

In fairness, a full 1/4 of the cookies end up in flying pieces in the immediate vicinity.

Okay, let’s rate Cookie Monster.  I have to give him a perfect score across the board: 10 for Style, Insanity and Mustness.  In this day and age, it’s nice to follow someone that’s just about the cookies!

And if you have a suggestion for TIF, email me here.

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Nov13

Fat Guy Eats: Pancheros in Berlin, NJ

by tonyd on November 13, 2017 at 12:01 am

Restaurant:  Pancheros in Berlin, NJ

Address: 115 N Rt. 73, West Berlin, NJ 08091

Food:  Tacos and Burritos

Price:  Average

Portions:  Average

Taste:  Good

Service:  Good

Atmosphere:  Self-Serve Chain

Pancheros is the second rate Chipotle and it’s not bad.  I mean, it’s exactly the same as Chipotle, but they make the tortillas with a press.  The Pancheros in Berlin is locate near where the old Berlin Circle used to be.  The plaza that it’s in is in a weird spot on a curve.  If you’re heading north, you could speed right by it if you whip around the curve to fast.  If you’re heading south, good luck figuring out how to turn around on Rt. 73 in under 15 minutes.  And no, there is no back way there unless you live in the development behind the plaza, in which case you could cut through someone’s back yard to walk there.

The food is decent.  I went to this Pancheros because I knew it would be empty and quiet.  Just as advertised.  So if you want a decent, quiet lunch by yourself, you could do a lot worse.

I give it 8 out of 10 keggers.

kegkegkegkegkegkegkegkeg

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Nov12

Your Fratoscope: November 12, 2017

by tonyd on November 12, 2017 at 12:01 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  You will receive advice from elderly relatives and once you thank them for it, they will immediately say, “Ha-ha!  That counts as a gift!”

Aries:  A new life is just around the corner because that’s where the kidnappers are hiding.

Taurus:  Don’t fall into the same old traps, fill in that pit in front of your back door.

Gemini:  The dating site returns your money and suggests Pornhub for you.

Lemini:  The stars say, you can save money and time by building your casket this week.  Don’t ask why.

Cancer:  You’ll be set up by the cops

Leo:  You will binge eat your weight in hoagie.

Virgo:  You will get a massage from a random person on the bus.

Libra:  The computer in your car will suggest you drive to a clothing store and buy something more grown up to wear.

Scorpio:  This year your event, Shave Fest, will remove more pubes than all previous Shave Fests combined.

Sagittarius:  You’ll discover peanut butter and candy sandwiches.

Capricorn:  You may want to ease up on your drinking, even the mosquitos that bite you get hungover.

Aquarius:  You’ll realize it’s too late to start a Hollwyood Sexual Harassment pool.

Pisces:  You have three more weeks before the Halloween candy runs out and your acne clears.

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Nov11

Ten Things I’d Like to See in the News

by tonyd on November 11, 2017 at 1:55 am

  1.  Donald Trump learns tact.
  2.  Louis C.K.’s evil twin admits framing him.
  3.  North Korea gives up nukes for basketball franchises.
  4.  Mass shootings plummet as U.S. runs out of bullets.
  5.  Ebola cure turns out to be blowjob.
  6.  College students vow to go to class and stop complaining about everything.
  7.  Disease that only infects racists, leaves victims sterile.
  8.  Futurama to return to Fox for ten more seasons.
  9.  Harvey Weinstein molested in court by Roy Moore.
  10.  David Bowie reemerges after faking death.
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