1. Shave your legs.
2. Say “start the barbecue” instead of “eat barbecue” to anyone from the South.
3. Light fireworks from the grill’s fire.
4. Invite a vegan.
5. Press down on your hamburgers, squeezing out the delicious meat juice.
6. Forget to clean the pool, throw in some chlorine and hope for the best.
7. Drop hotdogs on the ground, dust them off and cook them anyway.
8. Paint your house so everyone can smell the fumes when they’re eating.
9. Forget to get enough ice.
10. Kick down the fence to your neighbor’s property because you invited too many people and then just let the barbecue spill into that yard and then deny it when your neighbor gets home, because you didn’t even invite him.
Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die! Today’s contestant is the Goddess herself, Judy Tenuta! She’s funny on stage, let’s see what she’s tweeting.
May 7th: “For Mother’s Day, instead of flowers, Bruce Jenner’s kids are giving him a “trans-plant”!! ”
Wow. She’s still got it!
She’s still rockin’ the accordion. Nice.
May 9th: “HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO ALL MOM’S ESPECIALLY MY GREAT MOM, JOANN! LOVE YOU FOREVER, MOM! ”
Aw, that’s nice. For Mother’s Day, I let my mother cook me dinner. She was so happy! Not happy enough to make desert, but still…
May 12th: “Gisele is not worried, she knows hubby Tom Brady would never deflate her “WonderBra”! ”
Don’t make fun of boobs, Judy. That’s going to outrage the bros. It’s the only thing they’re outraged by.
May 13th: “Party in your Pants with Judy Tenuta @ Comedy Shrine, Aurora, Il, Fri & Sat., May15 & 16! ”
Still touring. Judy needs a show. IFC or better, I say.
May 15th: “Check out my new video World Accordion to Judy – Episode 17 – Chiller Theatre https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZ3pC_XsFxo …”
Oh, yeah, Chiller. That’s a fun show. The only thing weirder is Dragon Con.
May 20th: “New Bachelorette Britt wet-mouth moppin every bachelor in sight! She’s a mattress on “layaway”! ”
Well, she does want to land a man. Can’t hurt.
May 21st: “Thank you Dave, for over 30 years of great comedy! Loved the final top 10 list with Jim Carrey! ”
Yes, it was nice of him to leave his Uni-bomber-style bunker to do some comedy.
May 22nd: “We are the “Land of the Free” because of the Brave who served. A Safe Memorial Day to all! ”
Yes, we need to remember all those who grill the food. They make such sacrifice in the heat!
Wow, she is just cranking out those shows. C’mon, this is at least as good as anything on TBS that isn’t a rerun.
Okay, let’s rate Judy’s tweets. She is cranking out the material here. I give her an 8 for Mustness, a 10 for Style and a 10 for Insanity. That’s an overall score of 9.3. Follow Judy, pigs!
And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.
Webcomic: Tales of Absurdity
Creator: Alexander Hoffman
Format: Mostly three panel strips
Genre: Comedy, Satire, Puns, Absurdity
Themes: Work, animals, movies, etc.
Characters: Random people and animals, according to the gag
Archive: September 1, 2013
ToA is a gag-a-week comic strip that’s meant to be absurd and it is. Hoffman’s gags range from bad puns to something close to a Perry Bible Fellowship visual. His artwork is spot on, energetic and probably adds a good 20% to the gags when they fall flat. I liked most of them. Some made me really laugh. A few I just sorta went “Wha-?” and clicked away.
The schedule is almost weekly. Sometimes it’s eight days in between or five. I like to see the strip go at least twice per week, as I think the later strips are getting better. The archive is a decent size, but you can get caught up in an hour or so. This is one to invest in, as I think it’s pretty decent, but has some room to grow, so bookmark it, bros. Why not? It’s free!