If your birthday is this week: STFU until the game is over! Damn! It’s not all about you!
Aries: You waffle-flavored chicken wings will be an instant hit at the Super Bowl party, especially when you pass out the syrup for dipping.
Taurus: Your bookie stops by your Super Bowl party to thank you again for putting his kids through college.
Gemini: No one will mind when you sit in the nacho dip by mistake, but they will be mad you’re not wearing pants when you do it.
Lemini: Stop rooting for the Pats just because everyone else is a Seahawks fan, you dick.
Cancer: You will overdose on Dorito’s dust and have to have your stomach pumped.
Leo: Nothing will go right for you, probably because you’re a Jets fan.
Virgo: You will get to try 42 out of 53 “deflated ball” jokes you prepared.
Libra: Your fantasy football league will finally explain to you that the entire thing is to scam you to pay for the Super Bowl party.
Scorpio: Your Super Bowl half-time orgy goes great, but as usual, you miss the rest of the game.
Sagittarius: You can take off that Eagles jersey, Philadelphia is out of it.
Capricorn: You will send a drunken email to the game’s winner, demanding your own ring for your support of the team.
Aquarius: Your blue cheese farts eventually drive everyone to the nearest bar to see the rest of the game without your ass smell.
Pisces: For some reason, everyone bails on your Simpsons watching party.
Game of Thrones is returning! And if you haven’t seen, trust me, get caught up now. Here now are the Ten Things I Expect this year.
1. Awesome characters continue to die.
2. Lots of nudity.
3. A significant amount of dudity.
4. CGI dragons for about 5 minutes total the entire season.
5. Cameo from the actors from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
6. John Snow kicking everyone’s ass.
7. Really horrible characters winning.
8. The Mayor of Baltimore screwing over everyone.
9. Hodor, Hodor, Hodor.
10. Arya stabbing the shit out of people.
Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media goes to die! Today’s contestant is Beavis and Butthead, Mike Judge. Also, creator of Idiocracy, one of the most underrated movies of all time. Let’s see what he’s tweeting.
August 25th: “Going into the Emmys with my daughter. Going to teach her how one loses gracefully.
Ah, those trophies don’t mean a thing. Beavis and Butthead lives forever, bro.
October 23rd: “We start shooting season two of Silicon Valley today. It’ll air next year some time. Madcap hilarity ensues. ”
Who has time for tweeting when you’re a busy Hollywood producer?
November 9th: “If you like Billy Gibbons, Gary Clark Jr., Alejandro Escovedo, Kat Edmonson and more check it out
@MFlanigin: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1294454178/the-drifter …”
I wish I was famous so I could act like a non-famous person and raise money on Kickstarter.
Or watch Adult Swim every day.
November 21st: “The actors of Silicon Valley in their locker room warming up for their big scene. SiliconHBO” https://twitter.com/MikeJudge/status/535987522309206016/photo/1
Hmm, I wonder how one warms up for this role. You’d think they’d do some coding or playing some video games.
November 21st: “shooting Silicon Valley in Silicon Valley.
@SiliconHBO ” https://twitter.com/MikeJudge/status/535973306000633856/photo/1
Nice. No teamsters, just self-driving trucks.
December 31st: “Can’t believe I got to be in this picture. And can’t believe how good Norman Lear looks at 92. It was a good year: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/all-family-breaking-bad-secrets-726235 …”
January 12th: “Me and my daughter Julia at the Golden Globes. That’s not an award in my hand, it’s champagne. We lost.
Fuck all those trophies. Office Space is genius. I give you the first official Super Frat award for Comedic Excellence or whatever. Enjoy.
Okay, let’s rate Mike’s tweets. I give him a 6 for Mustness, an 8 for Insanity and a 10 for Style. That’s an overall score of 8, but I bump it to 10, one of for Beavis and one for Butthead. Follow Mike.
And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.