Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die! Today’s contestant is the indestructible, Johnny Knoxville. Let’s see if he can tweet without hurting himself.
Or Mickey Rooney, from that Family Guy episode.
July 10th: “TBT- fond memories of my misspent youth. pic.twitter.com/lvChLZ9QKr”
I don’t want to go anyplace where hanging that sign is a matter of public safety.
July 11th: “Well this made my day. pic.twitter.com/0gLwj1GrpD”
Why did the marketing department think this was a good idea?
July 12th: “Tommy Ramone R.I.P. pic.twitter.com/okOARiNwsP“I’ll always remember him for this.July 12th: “Sheesh, I didn’t know “polishing the helmet” was even a penalty. Must have been some game. “
There’s sportsman-like conduct and then there’s crossing a line.
July 13th: “”Momma, Momma I finally got my cover!!” pic.twitter.com/k2Md793aNo”
“The photographer told me the word was French for pretty!”
July 15th: “Damn thrilled to be playing Johnny Cash on Drunk History tonight on Comedy Central at 10pm. Wahoo!! pic.twitter.com/PWujgsj3Ka”
Funny cameo, bro.
July 16th: “This reminds me of the Jungle Book when the boy Mowgli is standing at the end of a line of elephants trying to fit in pic.twitter.com/U7EtefhwBx”
“Enter the contest, they said. You probably have a shot, they said.”
July 18th: “There’s drunk, and then there’s using a slice of pizza as a pillow drunk. Bravo pic.twitter.com/Y8GpVMwhfP”
Would pepperoni make it more or less comfortable?
July 19th: “wow, no comment really needed on this gem of a baseball card. pic.twitter.com/Monm4Ipl7k”
“Shortly thereafter, Armstrong murdered his teammates and fled to Mexico.”
July 20th: “RIP James Garner. What a legend. pic.twitter.com/QOsaBrauf9”
I loved the Rockford Files. Dude, you could totally start in the reboot. Getting beat up is your thing!
July 20th: “This was the last time little Timmy got to work the fire hose. pic.twitter.com/02j3amZjs2”
Looks like that guy fell off the edge of an aircraft carrier.
July 21st: “Well fuck, we found Waldo. pic.twitter.com/XBrNVIOibs ”
I knew putting John Walsh back on TV was a good idea!
8 hours ago: “This is why u you shouldn’t wear jock straps on your chest. pic.twitter.com/Jy3weJfI7x“
And the 5th Element is apparently, too much boob.
5 hours ago: “Well this pretty much made my day. pic.twitter.com/9vJC7987oE“
“I’m Johnny Knoxville and this is cycling in the cactus patch!”
Okay, let’s rate Johnny’s Twitter. Pretty entertaining. A little behind-the-scenes, lots of pic and stead updates. I give Johnny a 9 for Mustness, a 9 for Style and a 10 for Insanity. That’s an overall score of 9.3. You gotta follow this Jackass!
And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.
Full disclosure, I did not see the previous movie, Rise of the Planet of the Apes with James Franco. Also, I’m a big fan of the original movies. (Well, specifically, the first movie, but the others have their charm.) Take my review with a grain of salt.
Once again, Hollywood takes a franchise and reboots it. The visuals in Dawn are pretty spectacular. Andy Serkis is amazing and the story isn’t all that bad. Everything pretty much comes together and it’s not a bad movie per se—
It’s just that, you already know what’s going to happen.
The great thing about the original Planet of the Apes was that it was a total surprise. During an era when they were making space movies and sci-fi movies left and right— You watch the original movie and it’s great for what it is. It uses the effects and sets of the time period for maximum impact.
Contrast that with Dawn. It’s plot is really just a typical TV movie. Two sides bent on war and the people in the middle that try and stop it. This is why I hate remakes. It’s a lose-lose situation. Either the movie goes in a new direction (in which case, why not make a completely new movie) or it goes in the same direction and didn’t we already know that? There’s just no surprise here. The effects could be used for something much more ambitious.
Sure the effects are great to watch, but there are a million things like that you can watch. They aren’t movies. Movies are supposed to be a great amalgamation of visuals, sound, story and plot. What chance do you have to surprise anyone when you know the ending already? If it ended peacefully, then it would be boring and you couldn’t do the next movie. You’d have to do something different with the humans and apes living together.
This is just beating a dead horse. No matter how well you beat the horse, it’s still dead. And what used to be a Twilight Zone episode wrapped up in 30 minutes, is now a 90 minute Hollywood spectacular. All this talent and money could’ve been spent creating a new franchise. Anything else. Even if it was just marmosets rising to take over the Earth or talking rocks or aliens that look like chocolate bars— It still doesn’t beat the first original movie because the surprise is already over. You’ll never beat this final, iconic scene.
That surprise, the first time you see it, leaves you stunned. They never even should’ve made the original sequels. They’re all terrible in my view. But Hollywood wants to squeeze another dollar out of something, you can’t stop it. I feel I wasted my money on Dawn. It will only encourage them to make more remakes and reboots like The Equalizer, The Transformers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and on and on. Some stories just should end. Planet of the Apes was one of those stories.
I give this movie no rating. I’m not interesting in encouraging anyone to see it.
If your birthday is this week: You bros throw a party in your honor and totally promise to remember to invite you next year.
Aries: A stripper offers you twice the cost of a lap dance to pick someone else.
Taurus: You take one of those candies at the diner and get just as sick as the guy that stuck his hand in the bowl before you.
Gemini: You’ll drop your keys in wet cement and be forced to stomp on the sidewalk every time you want to turn off your car alarm.
Lemini: Death shows up at your door and offers to play you in a game of World of Warcraft to let you live. You wisely choose death instead.
Cancer: Your dog will order a shit ton of dog toys on your credit card. Bad dog.
Leo: You’ll fall down some stairs without spilling your beer.
Virgo: Ted Danson will stop you in a parking lot and challenge you to a Cheers trivia contest. You will win.
Libra: This week, beware of soccer balls and cats named “Colonel Fluff E. Tail”.
Scorpio: Trojan will ask for a plaster cast of your genitals since over 2% of their product ends up near them.
Sagittarius: You will trade your stock in Malaysian Airlines for a bowl of Ramen.
Capricorn: You will regain consciousness from your Spring Break binge. Nice coma, bro!
Aquarius: You will strain your tapping finger playing tablet games. First World Problems.
Pisces: You’ll sit in front of a guy that reads the subtitles from “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” aloud because that is apparently the only way he can fucking read.
As a screenwriter, I see a lot of movie. Admittedly, I have a high bar. But there are a lot of shitty movies out there and I refuse to see many of them. Now, hear my rant. Here is Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies.
The Fluffy Movie: Although I like Gabriel Iglesias, let’s be honest. This will one day be on Comedy Central a few years from now every fucking afternoon forever. Sorry Gabriel.
Into the Storm: This might as well be called “CGI Disaster Film #142 or Twister 2 with Better Effects.
About Alex: AKA: St. Elmo’s Fire 2. No thanks.
The Expendables 3: Oh, c’mon. Seriously? Well, I guess it had to be a trilogy. I used to like a lot of these actors in their 80′s action movies, but I was out after the first one. With all that money and talent, the first script was just a train wreck. I dunno. Maybe I outgrew these kinds of movies, but I’d still rather see The Raid or The Raid 2.
The Giver: Sounds like another Twilight/Mazerunner/Teenagers in Peril movie. Well, I definitely outgrew this.
If I Stay: Hit girl in a serious movie. Eh. Pass.
Jessabelle: Another horror movie. Blah, blah, blah. Evil spirit. Blah, blah, blah.
Dolphin Tale 2: There was a Dolphin Tale 1? But I didn’t see it. I’ll be so confused. No.
Sigh. Time to search Netflix again. Can’t even get angry at these movies. They’re just so…uninspired to me.