Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media goes to die. Today’s contestant is Ron Howard. He was Opie and Richie— Probably should’ve played Archie from Archie comics back in the day. Now he’s a big time Hollywood director. Let’s see what he’s tweeting.
October 19th: “In the Heart of the Sea – Official Teaser Trailer [HD] If U haven’t seen yet: http://youtu.be/Xs-JfPjgiA4 ”
Looks good. But where’s Thor’s hammer?
7 hours ago: “Budapest at magic hour http://instagram.com/p/ubgJB1F5JS/”
Ain’t nuthin’ like a Budapest magician entertaining you at sundown.
7 hours ago: “For you lovers of The David wherever you are
7 hours ago: “Just posted a photo http://instagram.com/p/ubhg8BF5LN/”
I hope that painting gets out of painting jail soon.
6 hours ago: ‘I sent this to Hans Zimmer to inspire him (not that he needs it) eager for his Intersteller score
You know, I just automatically assume everyone in Europe has one of these in their basement.
Okay, let’s rate Ron’s tweets. Great behind-the-scenes stuff, lots of pics and bonus trailer. I give him a 9 for Style, a 7 for Insanity and a 10 for Mustness. That’s an overall score of 8.6, but I’m rounding up to 9 for Arrested Development. Follow Ron.
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Fall is upon us and there’s nothing much to do. Shall I go into a nice warm movie theater and cuddle up to a container of overpriced popcorn? The answer is probably no.
Camp X-Ray: Kristen Stewart? Hmm, she was pretty good in the Runaways. But a main stream movie about Guantanamo Bay is going to split the difference between “It’s torture” and “Maybe it’s not torture”. So no, I don’t need some film maker to tell me torture “might” by torture. I’m out.
Before I Go to Sleep: The premise is built upon amnesia, which I think is always a weak, weak story choice. Plus, Nicole Kidman. Pass.
Horns: AKA: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Puberty. Looks like a Netflix rental at best.
Horrible Bosses 2: I liked the first one, but it was kind of a one-shot movie. You don’t have to beat to death every horse you get Hollywood.
Interstellar: Like the director, like the lead— Not very confident this will be a good story. I mean, either he finds the planet or he doesn’t. Either everyone on Earth dies and he fails (which would be a downer of a movie) or he finds it and everyone leaves with a hopeful feeling. That’s kind of the only options here. 2001 though, that was a surprise ending. Maybe I’ll rent this on Comcast or something, but at over $10 a ticket? No way.
Dumber and Dumber To: AKA: Jim Carey’s Career Reboot. You know, in the past, I’d go see this, but now… Eh. Again, it’s the money. It’s just not worth it for me. I’d rather watch some second run movie, at home for a tenth of the price. I mean, the first one was amusing, I can’t imagine this second one will blow me away. I can wait. My wallet can too.
Exodus: Gods and Kings: Talk about a movie that didn’t need a remake. Seriously, Christian Bale, you think you can top that? You’re a good actor, but… Nah. I’ll pass.
Annie: How many times are they going to make this fucking movie? No.
Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb: That they don’t have Ben Grant and Thomas Lennon on this thing— No, uh-uh. Not a chance. Suck it, Hollywood. I’m not paying for Ben Stiller’s new boat.
Jeez, I can’t even get motivated enough to hate on these movies. I’m going to really get myself angry and go watch The Walking Dead.
If your birthday is this week: You older aunt will give you a pair of very comfortable underwear with a racist saying on it. You decide to wear it and vow to shit your pants should you ever get into a car accident and have your clothes cut off by an EMT.
Aries: You have respect for the elderly, so you will tip the day time strippers fives instead of ones.
Taurus: You will make millions inventing a “Douchebag Detector App”, but then lose it all after smart phones overload and explode at Justin Beiber concerts.
Gemini: This week, volcanoes will be lucky for you, assuming you avoid the lava.
Lemini: You’ll be cursed by a mummy and he’ll cockblock you for all eternity.
Cancer: The stars say, it’s never too early to start trick or treating, especially if you’re already a beggar.
Leo: You’ll have some keys made, but your neighbor will demand that you make the keys for the locks in your own house.
Virgo: You will confirm that the paperboy is trying to kill you, but you insist on doing your crossword puzzle every day.
Libra: This week, you’ll tap a hole right through your iPad.
Scorpio: Trojan will finally create the condom flavor you’ve been petitioning for: Semen.
Sagittarius: You’ll find the Halloween stash and start eating it. Fuck those Trick or Treaters.
Capricorn: Your homemade car falls apart at a toll booth and you have to pay anyway.
Aquarius: Your idea for “Breakfast in a Can” stirs interest with the Jimmy Dean execs, until you tell them it’s just a Bloody Mary.
Pisces: You will spot some guys in hazmat suits and rush home to cover yourself in hand sanitizer.
1. Guys in labcoats apologizing on TV about once a week.
2. The TSA being more concerned with shampoo and other liquids getting on the plane rather that infected people getting off.
3. Several early chapters from Stephen King’s “The Stand” playing out in real life.
4. Guys in hazmat suits walking around assuring everyone there’s nothing to worry about.
5. Pundits explaining why they weren’t technically wrong when they said you couldn’t can’t Ebola without touching someone with it.
6. A hazmat suit for Christmas.
7. Being surrounded by cops after sneezing in a public park.
8. The drug store running out of hand sanitizer.
9. Spending quality quarantine time with the family.
10. The head of the CDC to resign sometime after the president gets Ebola.