Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die. Today’s contestant is Todd Bridges, who was once in the greatest sitcom ever, Different Strokes. Let’s see what Willis is talkin’ ’bout.
August 11th: “I would like to apologize for the terrible timing of me comments that I made in reference to the untimely death of Robin Williams.”
August 11th: “my bestf riend committed suicide a few months ago, and I was devastated to discover that he did not solicit my help. I am sure that my”
Whoa. Heavy. But not your fault. He probably didn’t come to you because you would’ve talked sense into him.
August 11th: “I am sure that my attitude toward Williams’s death was a delayed reaction of my best friend’s death. Again, I apologize”
Never explain, never apologize.
August 11th: “Again, I apologize for my negative comment, and I ask forgiveness for any pain that I have caused”
What did I just say? No one. Ever.
August 11th: “anyone.”
The Internet is not a safe warm place. It is the public toilet of discussion.
Um, wait, is she the hater you’re talking about? Whatchu talkin’ bout Willis?
August 22nd: “And there’s no way you can stop them. People who love you always love you”
Until you fart on them. That changes everything.
September 4th: “RIP Joan Rivers rivers I’ve known you and I will always love you. You never judge me when I was going through my hard times..”
Aw, that’s a nice tribute. Short and sweet.
September 11th: “I was two week ago with Richard Keil he played jaws in the 007 movies I have known him for years he was such a great kind man RIP my pal”
Jeez, Todd is having a tough month.
September 14th: “deliverance creek look.for in on ifetime my.buddy in it. I watch it was very good”
So tough, his thumbs aren’t responding to his commands very well, I think.
Okay, let’s rate Todd’s tweets. I find them very genuine. And if I was his publicist, I would say that they were too genuine. Phoney it up, bro. Tell us your banging movie stars. Something. I give him an 8 for Mustness, a 9 for Insanity and a 10 for Style. What can I say? I dig honesty. That’s an overall score of 9. Follow Todd.
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The power went out at Great Adventure near me. Coincidentally, the power went out at HQ, but I wasn’t here. Anyhow, here’s Ten Things I Expect Happened When the Power Went Out at Six Flags.
1. All six flags began to droop.
2. Someone about to throw up on the Looping Dragon was able to hold it in.
3. The Congo Rapids Ride basically became a “Sit in a container and float” ride.
4. The over priced hotdogs ceased their twirling on the cooker.
5. No longer held back by man’s electric superiority, the monkeys in the safari area carjacked everyone and drove to Whole Foods to get bananas.
6. Some of the Pirates of the Caribbean saw their chance and attacked.
7. All the Looney Tunes mascot characters suddenly stopped moving and collapsed onto the ground.
8. The line for the Rockwall got super long.
9. The Dare Devil Dive actually became a daredevil dive for a few seconds.
10. That damned music from the commercials finally stopped playing.
If your birthday is this week: You get the impression your friends really didn’t put effort into your birthday cake because it reads, “Just write the usual shit on it.”
Aries: The ghost of the fat Elvis will appear in your apartment and eat all your ice cream and tater tots.
Taurus: You will be the first person to sample a new ice cream flavor called “Kitchen Floor”.
Gemini: You will be struck in the Adam’s Apple by a frisbee just as your current crush asks you to have sex. Make sure you have a pen and notepad handy.
Lemini: The stars say, take your time. You don’t want that blood clot to move around any more than it has to.
Cancer: Some will take all your pens again.
Leo: You will find a gem in a tree trunk and realize you’ve been playing Clash of Clans for the last 16 hours.
Virgo: This week, you’ll eat an entire container of mustard because you’re too lazy to go the store and restock the fridge.
Libra: Your lazy Virgo roommate finally gets rid of that old mustard you wanted him to throw out.
Scorpio: You will accidentally discover a new martial art while having sex with a Karate instructor.
Sagittarius: In a drunken haze, you’ll punch a tree, which you will have mistaken for a nun.
Capricorn: The guys in your office will fill your car with live penguins, but the jokes on them, you think penguins are delicious.
Aquarius: The tests prove you’re not the father, but since you’re also not the boyfriend, you will get punched at the doctor’s office.
Pisces: You have to see a man about a horse, but it turns out just to be that centaur that keeps bugging you.
Tidla Swinton and Tom Hiddleston star as two vampire lovers trying to get through their undead lives. Swinton plays Eve, a vampire with a lust for life. Hiddleston plays Adam, a brooding, moody artist that adores her. John Hurt plays a supporting role as the vampire version of Christopher Marlowe. The entire thing is directed by Jim Jarmusch.
It’s got a slow, but deliberate pacing. It almost felt like it would make a great BBC TV show. The story of two, pretty nice vampires, just trying to get through the day. During most of the movie, you feel for Adam and Eve. They have to struggle to get uncontaminated blood. Eve must prop up Adam, who has seen too much and feels too much about it.
It was a really nice, romantic and sort of friendly vampire flick. It’s a shame it went in and out of theaters so fast. You should totally see it. It’s currently running on Comcast On-Demand for a small fee.