As a screenwriter, I have a lot of conflicting feelings about some movies. Some because the people in that movie I know or would like to know, but mostly because I’m passionate about movies. And I really hate to see some very obvious mistakes get greenlit. So here now is another edition of Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies; Early 2016. BTW, I still haven’t seen Star Wars yet. Mostly because my Spider Sense tells me it sucks.
Ride Along 2: Because how will I follow the story without seeing Ride Along?
13 Hours: Michael Bay explosions and lens flare. The end.
Norm of the North: WTF. Cartoons used to be something they never make. Now they won’t stop. Pass.
Dirty Grandpa: Robert DeNiro used to be one of those actors that only appeared in critically acclaimed movies. Guess he’s saving for retirement. I’ll pass.
The Boy: Unless it’s about Bart Simpson, no. If I want haunted puppets, I’ll rent the Puppet Master.
Kung Fu Panda 3: See previous comment about cartoons. I’d rather watch something that’s 11 minutes long and amazing on Adult Swim, then two hours of Meh.
Deadpool: Dear Lord, let this movie open and die already. I’m so sick of seeing the trailer. I think this character is totally overrated.
Ben Hur: Wha-? Jesus Christ, just stop, Hollywood, stop.
Fuck all these movies. Here’s ones that I actually want to see: Zoolander 2 (looks fun), Hail, Caesar! (from the Cohen Brothers), Witch (which looks terrifying), the Revenant (Tom Hardy is an incredible actor) and Ip Man 3 (saw the first two, can’t wait for this). I may actually have to spend some money at the movie theater in the next few weeks.
