Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:  Your birthday gifts will all fit into one bag, because most things you get at a gas station mini-mart is pretty small.

Aries:  You will build your own Frankenstein monster, who will then max out all your credit cards.

Taurus:  Half way through the bag, you’ll realize your trail mix is mixed with actual trail gravel.

Gemini:  You will be forced to kick out your pirate roommate since he refuses to stop burying your wallet.

Lemini:  You will chase a leprechaun in your local Target store, only to discover that he’s just a really short customer service rep for Christmas ornaments.

Cancer:  The stars say, getting stuck in an elevator is your best bet to meet new people.

Leo:  By the third hour of your test drive, you’ll be committed to stealing the car.

Virgo:  Your roommate will discover that it takes at least five stomps to break your cellphone case.

Libra:  A group of people dressed as Star Wars storm troopers will commandeer your car for “Empire reasons”.

Scorpio:  Your doctor will advise you to pair down your fuck buddy list to the low hundreds.

Sagittarius:  You’ll get a sensual proposal from a mall Santa.

Capricorn:  Your tips are such that the barista at Starbucks spells your name “a-s-s-h-o-l-e”.

Aquarius:  Your attempt to do any work this month is thwarted by the fact that everyone is checked out until January 3rd.

Pisces:  Enjoy your stuffing situation while it lasts and try not to cry when it’s over.