Pee-Soaked Travel Tubes More Expensive
Workers With No Benefits, Lousy Benefits and Horrid Working Conditions Get Tired
Candidate Vows to Bring Country Back to 1950’s
New TV Channels Rich Enough to Buy Critics
Pee-Soaked Travel Tubes More Expensive
Workers With No Benefits, Lousy Benefits and Horrid Working Conditions Get Tired
Candidate Vows to Bring Country Back to 1950’s
New TV Channels Rich Enough to Buy Critics
Hey Bros!
Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die! Today’s contestant is Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. He’s been a wrestler, actor and can out muscle just about anyone in Hollywood. Let’s see what he’s tweeting.
January 17th: “Happy Birthday Champ! @muhammadali #GOAT #AndTheAfroKid #WhoClearlyCouldvePassedForALittleGirl… http://instagram.com/p/x9gqkQohx7/ ”
That’s a great pic.
January 17th: “Tell ’em step off I’m doin’ the hump… #YouKnowShitsCrazy #ClanginAndBangin #IronParadise #LegDay… http://instagram.com/p/x-HsOGIh10/ ”
You know the Rock practically exercises for a living. Not a bad gig.
January 18th: “Bible says we must “walk by faith and not by sight”. Amen cause it’s pitch black outside and I gotta handle this AM cardio. #HowlinAtTheMoon”
Getting up early? I take it back.
January 18th: “Jimmy Fallon bring your A-game cause I’m comin’ to NYC to win the title. #LipSyncBattle… http://instagram.com/p/x_4rWLIh0x/ ”
Private jet. Sweet! And they probably have to stock all the health food he eats.
January 18th: “Ah the f’n fun me and @jimmyfallon always have… I’ve dined with kings and queens.. and I’ve slept in… http://instagram.com/p/yBRDWbIhyN/ ”
Look at this guy’s life. It’s pretty amazing.
January 19th: “Helluva way to electrify last night Irishman @TheNotoriousMMA Great to see. Get after it and grab that brass ring brotha.”
Wrestlin’ talk.
January 19th: “Partnered up w/ @rootsoffight. Fired up to bring you our new line. #PC7 #7Bucks #HardestWorkersInTheRoom #Summer2015”
The Rock gets the award for the most hashtags ever.
January 19th: “On set of #BALLERS and heard a scream “Oh shit it’s The Rock!” #AfterSchoolSmiles #NoMoreCussing #AndStudyHardDammit ”
That looks like a movie the whole family will love. Weird name for a movie not about basketball.
January 19th: “21 reason why The Rock would be the greatest wingman ever or…” Very funny! #TCBLikeAG http://elitedaily.com/sports/21-reasons-rock-wingman-photos/907571/ …”
Hey, getting the Rock’s seconds can’t be a bad thing.
January 19th: “Told my brotha @NFL‘s @antoniobrown84 when he goes down as one of the greatest WR’s of all time, he… http://instagram.com/p/x-0YRIIh4k/ ”
Wrestling Ranglers?
20 hours ago: “Howlin’ at this moon again. AM cardio starts now.. good morning.. #MoonsStillOut #LilNipplyOutHere”
He works out so much, his tweets are making me tired.
18 hours ago: “Kickin’ off AM cardio right.. #MaxedVolume #MusicHittinYourHeart #CauseYouKnowYouGotSoul… http://instagram.com/p/yEtiwkIh7A/ ”
17 hours ago: “In ’95 I had to move back into my parents small apartment in Tampa and had only $7 bucks to my name.… http://instagram.com/p/yCkSUuoh4L/ ”
Been there.
9 hours ago: “Love you guys too. #OnSet #BALLERS #GladlyTakeTheLoveOverMyChickenBreast http://instagram.com/p/yFTGpfohxF/ ”
Security! Taser them!
6 hours ago: “It all starts with focus, effort and… a bad ass photographer who’s committed to shooting it… http://instagram.com/p/yGABPBoh7N/ ”
And the money just keeps rollin’ in. Nice!
Okay, let’s rate the Rock’s tweets. Great behind-the-scenes stuff. Lots of pics and videos. I give the Rock a 7 for Insanity, 9 for Mustness and a 10 for Style. That’s an overall score of 8.6, but I will round it up to 9 because I recently watched Pain and Gain and it was awesome.
And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.
The Super Bowl is coming and I could care less. Sorry, sports bore me. But hey, food does not. There is always plenty of food at a Super Bowl party, commercials and the half time show. But even these have jumped the shark for me. The commercials are now so over hyped, if that’s possible, I don’t even want to see them. And the half time show? It always seems behind the times. Lenny Kravitz is a good choice, but he would’ve been a great choice 10 years ago. Here now is what I would really like to see at a Super Bowl Half Time Show.
1. Boobies.
2. Two giant Fox robots fighting each other on the 50 yard-line.
3. A one-minute highlight reel from the first half, so I don’t have to watch it.
4. One fan gets to attempt to kick a field goal from 30 yards out for a million dollars.
5. One of those cool high school marching bands that spell stuff out on the field.
6. A musical act that’s had a number one hit this year.
7. A mascot race between the two teams and all the sponsors’ mascots. Winner gets an extra commercial.
8. Not one fucking mention of any shitty Fox shows that are coming up. I mean, Jesus Christ, how much TV do they expect you to watch? We just sat through a two hour game!
9. If Simpsons, Family Guy and Bob’s Burgers is pre-empted for the game, show them on FX so I can watch them.
10. Only funny commercials. No serious ones and none that have already been leaked on the Internet.
If your birthday is this week: The bakery that puts your face on your birthday cake air brushes your imperfections away with buttercream, making you look like a store mannequin.
Aries: A man spreading the Gospel of Jesus will burst into flames on your doorstep.
Taurus: Batman finds you a great parking spot at the mall and admits it’s been a slow day for crime.
Gemini: The stars say, you should start eating right. Your Communist chef doesn’t wash his hands.
Lemini: This week, get ready for visitors because the cops finally have enough evidence on you.
Cancer: Your old clothes will be fashionable to wear again all next week and then abruptly go back to being ugly.
Leo: Your porn download from 1994 is now 89% finished.
Virgo: You will be struck violently by a delicious bagel on morning this week, keep your mouth open.
Libra: You will wake up on a park bench and find yourself graffitied by Banksy.
Scorpio: Your line of pubic hair styling gels becomes popular with porn stars.
Sagittarius: Jim Carrey will insist on personally entertaining you while you wait in line at the grocery.
Capricorn: Your bake sale goes amazingly well, but only because you mixed up your flour and cocaine containers again.
Aquarius: Turns out, your Internet date is just a virus with a crush on your face symmetry.
Pisces: Your new puppy will pee on everything.
Addanac City
A Dog’s Life
Adriana Game Over
Ahoy Earth
Art of Webcomics
Bad Oranges
Bad Pudding
Beta Male
Between the Realms
Black Tail and Marz
Bunny Wiggins
Capes and Babes
Cat and Cat Comics
Center Lane
Champion City Comics
City Folk, The Webcomic
Company Man
Convenience Store Diet
Corpse Run Comics
Crooked Frame Comics
Crunchy Bunches
Dairy Boy Comics
Damn Heroes
Destroyed by Robots
Dodgy Comics
Doug Lefler
Druid City
Fart Related Comics
Fatherhood. Badly Doodled
The Flavor Razor
Frownland
The Funnicks
Game Cupid
Games Finder
Game Period
Gerbil with a Jetpack
Giving the Devil Her Due
H.I.T.
The Hero Business
Hit Girlz
I, Mummy
Java Jaguar
Ker-Bop
Kick Man
Krrobar.com
LaSalle’s Legacy
Legacy Control
Modest Medusa
Murdercake
Mythdirection
Ninja and Pirate
The Other End
OutwitTrade
Plan C
QWERTYvsDvorak
Robot Friday
Romantically Apocalyptic
SCAPULA
Skitter
Skroode
Sluggy Freelance
Sparkshooter
Spirits of Suburbia
StocktonCon
SuperBud
Tangent Artists
Teaspoon Comics
The Devil’s Panties
The Dreamcatcher
The System
The Tales of Lev
Validation
Vinnie the Vampire
Waystone
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Winter of Discontent
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