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Feb15

Your Post Valentine’s Day Fratoscope

by tonyd on February 15, 2015 at 1:52 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  Love is in the air on your birthday, mostly because your roommate holds an orgy on that day without inviting you.

Aries:  Don’t beat yourself up for eating most of that box of chocolates, just transfer it to a smaller box and your blind girlfriend won’t know the difference.

Taurus: Your dog will send a tasteful Valentine Day’s card to your leg.

Gemini:  Those flowers your S.O. gave you have a bonus gift inside: gnats!

Lemini:   The police put a damper on your getaway weekend because you failed to inform the woman you took that you were dating.

Cancer:  Your plan to serenade your sweetie runs into a problem because she lives in Boston and you’re not a polar bear.

Leo:  The stars say, your Valentine is ice cream this year.  Eat up!

Virgo:  Your Leo roommate eats your Valentine.

Libra:  You discover that buying lingerie on the first date is a little too intense, especially if you wear it for coffee.

Scorpio:  Your drain will become clogged with semen again.  Fortunately, the tenth unclogging is free with your plumber.

Sagittarius:  That teddy bear you got yesterday contains a spy camera and a small bear skeleton.

Capricorn:  Your imaginary girlfriend from Canada will demand a diamond tennis bracelet to make up for you forgetting to fake call her.

Aquarius:  Normally, when you spend the day in bed, it’s usually with someone other than your hand but you had a good time yesterday.

Pisces:  Your puppy continues to poop everywhere inside, but you can hardly blame her because it’s cold as balls outside.

└ Tags: Aquarius, Aries, astrology, Cancer, Capricorn, comedy, frat boy, funny, future, Gemini, horoscope, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, Pisces, predictions, psychic, Sagittarius, Scorpio, signs, Super Frat, Taurus, Tony DiGerolamo, Virgo, Your Fratoscope, zodiac
1 Comment
Feb14

Movies You Missed: Kick-Ass 2

by tonyd on February 14, 2015 at 12:01 am

Kick-Ass 2 squeaked over the line for me for a very weak recommendation.  The stunts are good, the cast is solid and the pacing makes it sail along, but K-A2 undermines it’s own concept in various ways.  (spoiler alert)

Like the first movie, it’s supposed to be about a “real” superhero.  In the first movie, it was fun to watch these crazy kids fight actual criminals.  The second movie expands upon that idea, bringing in more people who just want to be superheroes.  That part of the movie works, but Nic Cage’s character’s ghost looms large here, even though he’s not in it.  For one thing, he was the only one with actual, real training.  Sure, Hit Girl was trained by him, but the storyline is mostly about Hit Girl trying to adjust to suburban life.  That probably worked well in the comic, but on the big screen it plays like a TV show.  It’s a plot that’s too small for a movie.

Chloë Grace Moretz, Hit Girl, doesn’t quite pull off the “too young for this violence” thing like she did in the first film.  At the same time, the movie is a bit too gruesome.  What supposed to come off as funny is kind of shocking, stopping scenes in their tracks.  Aaron Taylor-Johnson is also getting too old to play a high schooler and although Kick Ass is the center of the plot, he’s kind of drowned out by all the supporting cast.  On point is Clark Duke, who plays his friend Marty, as a wannabe superhero.  Christopher Mintz-Plasse, AKA: McLovin from Superbad, tries to carry the whole movie on his own as the world’s first supervillain.  He and Duke’s comic timing work in the movie, but run against the over-the-top violence and plot that just can’t come together sensibly.

One of the major scenes that undermines everything is a character called Mother Russia, who kills 10 cops in an orgy of cartoon violence that’s just too over-the-top.  Additionally, McLovin’s evil plan doesn’t make much sense beyond the revenge motive.  Rather than concentrate on that, the story tries to include a bunch of side plots that are probably from the comic.  I’ll bet money they worked in the comic book, but in the movie they just clog up the screen with more wasted time.

I give Kick-Ass 2 my weakest thumbs up.  If you can catch it on cable TV (I saw on HBO) for free and you’re a fanboy with nothing better to do, it’s okay.  It’s a rental at best.

thumb

└ Tags: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, cable, Chloë Grace Moretz, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Clark Duke, comic book, Hit Girl, Kick Ass, Kick-Ass 2, McLovin, Mother Russia, movie, Movies You Missed, Nic Cage, rating, review, Superbad, superhero
1 Comment
Feb13

Rewritten Headlines: Pervert Fishermen to Cannibal Cops

by tonyd on February 13, 2015 at 12:01 am

RewrittenNewsDeskWerewolf

Pervert Fishermen Out Weird Japan

Government to Screw Up Internet

Humans Throw Out Too Much Shit

TV Show on Too Long

Montana Lawmaker Ruining Boners

God Trying to Kill Boston

Robot to Cost a Lot of Money and to Not Work

MAD Magazine to Become Awesome

Aliens to Turn Off French Lights

Woman Tries to Make Cops Cannibals

 

└ Tags: aliens, bacon, Boston, cannibal cops, comedy, current events, French, funny, government, headlines, humor, Hurricane, MAD Magazine, Montana, Navy, News, parody, pervert fishermen, Rewritten Headlines, robot, SNL, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, TV show
1 Comment
Feb11

Twitter in Focus: Al Jean

by tonyd on February 11, 2015 at 1:40 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is Al Jean, showrunner for The Simpsons!  Let’s see what he’s tweeting.

@AlJean

February 6th:  “.@thesimpsons #EverySimpsonsEver Just remembered when working on Marge v Monorail we were hit by rocket propelled grenade. Lucky 2 b alive!”

Hey, animation is a dangerous business.

February 6th:  “.@TheSimpsons #EverySimpsonsEver RPG = rocket propelled grenade is the kind if thing you’d only know if you’d been hit by one, as I have.”

I was hit by an RPG.  It was Gamma World 2nd Edition.

February 6th:  “.@thesimpsons Breaking: Paul Ryan says he was about to finish 3-minute mile when Brian Williams’ helicopter landed on him.#EverySimpsonsEver“

#BeatingADeadHorse

February 6th:  “.@thesimpsons #everysimpsonsever Hi #AskPharell will you be watching your appearance on the simpsons while at the Grammys? You were v funny”

The reveal about Moleman was pretty surprising, BTW.

February 6th:  “.@thesimpsons #EverySimpsonsEver Word is Tom Brokaw weawwy weawwy wivid about Brian Williams.”

You might be confusing him with someone else.

February 6th:  “.@thesimpsons #EverySimpsonsEver New Brian Williams fact: he has written numerous hit songs under his middle name Pharrell.”

Wow, someone is even madder at Brian Williams than the people that actually believed the network news.

February 6th:  “.@thesimpsons #everysimpsonsever Only we would air a new song against the Grammys… http://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2015/02/the-simpsons-springfield-song-pharrell …“

That was a stellar episode.
February 9th:  “Hans Zimmer on the Grammys! I mean, that’s what I’d say if I wasn’t watching Fox.”
You are a true company man, Al.
February 9th:  “In this internet age u should definitely not put anything on film u don’t want the world to see. Particularly applies to Jupiter Ascending. 0 replies 10 retweets 22 favorites“
Was there any question about that movie’s quality after the Matrix 2 and 3?
16 hours ago:  “.@thesimpsons Pleased to announce Simpsons pixel couch gag will be at head of 2/15 ep. Thx Ivan, Paul & Jeremy! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FIZ_gDOrzGk …“

Nice!

13 hours ago:  “.@thesimpsons The following makes sense in theory. In theory Communism works. In theory. http://www.reddit.com/r/FanTheories/comments/2usu70/the_simpsons_homer_simpson_is_a_vegetable_in_a/ …”

That’s way more compelling than Communism.

8 hours ago:  “.@thesimpsons #EverySimpsonsEver Arab spring, meet Bolivian Springfield http://nypost.com/2015/02/10/bolivians-protest-en-masse-to-bring-back-simpsons/ …”

True fans.

7 hours ago:  “.@thesimpsons #EverySimpsonsEver This is an energized fan base! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bDLVV3MJqM#t=29 …”

I can’t imagine what would happen here.  People would be rioting in the streets with donuts.

7 hours ago:  “.@thesimpsons #everysimpsonsever Brian Williams master plan to take over Daily Show falling into place!”

Now that’s a joke you close with.

2 hours ago:  “.@thesimpsons #EverySimpsonsEver Missing Mad Men? @richsommer on this Sunday’s Simpsons.”

But will it be another Mad Men parody?  Hmmm.  And more importantly, will I get a new character for my tablet Simpsons game?

Okay, let’s rate Al’s tweets.  He is more of a hardcore Simpsons fan than me!  I give him a 7 for Style, a 9 for Insanity and a 10 for Mustness.  That’s an overall score of 8.6.  Follow Al.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

└ Tags: Al Jean, Brian Williams, comedy, funny, humor, Rich Sommer, Super Frat, The Simpsons, Tony DiGerolamo, tweet, Twitter, Twitter in Focus
Comments Off on Twitter in Focus: Al Jean
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