Your Fratoscope: March 22, 2015
on March 22, 2015 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: You will see Bill Murray at your birthday party, but he’ll take selfies with everyone except you.
Aries: You’ll find a tiny corpse in a green suit and green bowler hat, along with an empty pot with gold residue.
Taurus: You won’t feel like cooking tonight, you’ll just eat a chicken raw.
Gemini: Some kids will egg your house, but when you explain it’s not Mischief Night, they’ll apologize and throw stones instead.
Lemini: You’ll check your horoscope drunk and end up expecting the prediction one below, which won’t happen.
Cancer: You’ll go for an uneventful drive that doesn’t end with being naked, blasted with a firehose and throw into a cell.
Leo: You either have a spider crawling up your leg or an itch, but either way, you’ll check before reading the end of this horoscope.
Virgo: You’ll remember that you forgot to call Robin Williams back. He sounded kinda rough on the phone, but he’s probably fine.
Libra: The stars say, that previous horoscope was too soon.
Scorpio: Your attempt to email an orgasm clogs your keyboard with bodily fluid.
Sagittarius: Your weed dealer breaks up with you. He insists it’s him and not you.
Capricorn: The cops will raid your place just to eat all the Pirate Booty in your pantry.
Aquarius: Your elaborate Prom date proposal goes poorly because the girl isn’t interested and you’re 27.
Pisces: This will be the week you’ll get some Patreon subscribers, because your fans are that nice.
