I can’t remember the last time I schlepped all the way to the movie theater to see something. Quite frankly, the whole enterprise is becoming obsolete with giant TV’s, on-demand service and movies that are just too shitty to see immediately. However, there are a few things movie theaters could add to bring me back.
1. Actual food: It’s pretty bad when McDonald’s would be a huge step up for your food. Let’s face it, anything would be better than the over price popcorn, soda and candy they currently offer.
2. Show cartoons: Even they showed cartoons I’ve already seen, anything is better than more fucking commercials I can see at home on TV for free.
3. Comfortable chairs: It really makes a difference.
4. Enforce the ratings: I don’t really care about what a kid sees, I’d just rather not have a bunch of noisy kids at an R-rated movie making noise. And stop bring babies! Babies can’t watch movies! Stay home! You made your choice breeders!
5. Phone block: Block the phone signal so assholes can’t text during the movie.
6. Adjust the volume for the amount of people in the theater: I really don’t need the volume to make my ear drums bleed if I’m one of only four people in the theater.
7. Serve booze: I’m not a booze hound, but I know lots of people are. They gotta make comedies better.
8. Iced Tea: This one is just for me. Unsweetened iced tea, please.
9. Trash cans: If you want people to stop dumping their trash on the floor, put some damned trashcans in the theater when you can find them.
10. Previews and movie only: I’d be willing to pay these prices if I could skip all that other bullshit. I’m here to see movies and trailers and that’s it. Just start the movie!
