If your birthday is this week: Everyone shows up to your birthday party cosplaying a sexier version of you.
Aries: For old time’s sake, your mother throws away your comic book collection again.
Taurus: The food truck outside the con refuses to serve you until you unfollow James Gunn.
Gemini: You’ll attend a Marvel panel called “Why Everyone is too Misogynist for Marvel” and get blamed for Marvel’s low selling comics.
Lemini: You are not surprised to walk into the Comic Con bathroom and find Brian Bendis shitting on a Superman standee.
Cancer: A mixed up time traveler from the past will stop you on the con floor and insist that the future is pogs.
Leo: The toy dealer insists that he can tell when an action figure has been up a celebrity’s rectum and yours clearly has not.
Virgo: The cast of some movie will take you to lunch if you promise to see their movie, you lie and agree to do so.
Libra: You’ll discover George Lucas in a room all alone quietly sobbing and eating Jar-Jar Binks cereal.
Scorpio: Due to a mix up, you’ll find yourself on all fours at the D list celebrity orgy.
Sagittarius: They’ll be a mugging out in the parking lot and none of the people in superhero costumes will help.
Capricorn: Due to something you posted on social media six years ago, you’ll be barred from visiting the Marvel booth.
Aquarius: You will projectile vomit on Stan Lee after eating too muck Poki.
Pisces: You’ll miss the con, so you’ll have an extra two grand to buy a new computer!
