Aug10

Rewritten Headlines: Bat Cow to Monopoly Cop

by tonyd on August 10, 2018 at 12:01 am

The Cow That Gotham Deserves

Silicon Valley Not a Fan of Free Speech

Racist Star Trek Series in the Works

Dude is Catching them ALL

Hoagies Better Than Coffee

Archie Still A Thing Apparently

Old Man’s Vision Not So Good

Futurama Episode Comes to Life

Neighbors Tied of Hearing People Stick to Leather Seats

Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200

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Aug08

Ten Things You Shouldn’t Do on a First Date

by tonyd on August 8, 2018 at 12:01 am

  1.  Say, “Wow, I thought the camera added ten pounds, not subtracted fifty!”
  2.  Look under the table in the restaurant and say, “We’ could probably just do it right here.”
  3.  Insist on signing several waivers promising you’ll return calls and texts.
  4.  Swipe through Tinder matches and ask, “You’re better than this one, right?”
  5. Only talk in Family Guy quotes.
  6.  Ask a woman, “When’s the baby due?”
  7.  Ask a guy, “Are you packing at least eight inches?”
  8.  Shoot at the floor and demand the waiter dance for your date’s amusement.
  9.  Ask your date to pay for dinner and your rent.
  10.  Keep making the finger through the circle motion with your hands.
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Aug06

Fat Guy Eats: Elena Wu’s in Voorhees Town Center

by tonyd on August 6, 2018 at 12:01 am

Restaurant:  Elena Wu’s 

Address:  12106 Town Center Blvd, Voorhees, NJ 08043 

Food:  Chinese and Japanese food, sushi

Price:  Above Average

Portions:  Really Good

Taste:  Excellent

Service:  Excellent

Atmosphere: Fancy

I had gone to Elena Wu’s when it was over by the movie theater, but I wanted to try the newer location near the mall.  (They call it the Voorhees Town Center, but it’s the mall.  It’s just outside buildings now.)  Anyhow, this is a good date restaurant.  It’s fancy, white linens, anxious waiters—  The whole deal.

I ordered the Elena Salad which was lettuce, chicken and crunchy bits with a side of dressing which tasted peanut-y to me.  I thought it would be ginger, but it was good.  I wanted some sushi, but it is pretty pricey.  I was looking at like $50 minimum if I got my normal order, so I figured I’d just get an appetizer.  I got two pieces of white tuna and when I ate them, I almost wished I had spent that money.  Excellent.

Finally, I ordered Grandfather Chicken (sesame chicken) and that was really filling.  It was a nice portion.  The total bill was around $33 and change, so $40 with the tip with my bottomless iced tea.  A little high, but worth it.

I give Elena Wu’s 7 out of 10 keggers.

kegkegkegkegkegkegkeg

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Aug05

Your Fratoscope: August 5, 2018

by tonyd on August 5, 2018 at 1:15 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  It’s too hot for your birthday because your A/C is busted.

Aries:  It’s too hot for your horoscope because your A/C is busted.

Taurus:  It’s too hot for your horoscope because your A/C is busted.

Gemini:  It’s too hot for your horoscope because your A/C is busted.

Lemini:  It’s too hot for your horoscope because your A/C is busted.

Cancer:  It’s too hot for your horoscope because your A/C is busted.

Leo:  It’s too hot for your horoscope because your A/C is busted.

Virgo:  It’s too hot for your horoscope because your A/C is busted.

Libra:  It’s too hot for your horoscope because your A/C is busted.

Scorpio:  It’s too hot for your horoscope because your A/C is busted.

Sagittarius:  It’s too hot for your horoscope because your A/C is busted.

Capricorn:  It’s too hot for your horoscope because your A/C is busted.

Aquarius:  It’s too hot for your horoscope because your A/C is busted.

Pisces:  Don’t open your curtains or answer the door because the Aries, Taurus, Geminis, Leminis, Cancers, Leos, Virgos, Libras, Scorpios, Sagittariuses, Capricorns and Aquariuses will be looking to get all up in your shit because your A/C is working just fine.  They’ll get tired of knocking and go away soon, just be quiet and stay away from the God damned windows!

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