Hey Bros! Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die! Today’s contestant is one of the legends of comedy, Steve Martin! Let’s see if his tweets are wild and crazy.
October 17th: “I didn’t know Earth has rings.”
Okay, he’s a comedian, not an astronomer. Copernicus couldn’t do physical comedy to save his life.
October 17th: “Pilot just announced we’re landing in twelve years. Searching movie list. OH NO! ALL MY OWN FILMS!”
See? Even when he’s drunk on a plane, still funny. A legend!
October 17th: “Pilot announced we will be circling Milky Way for 4.5 billion years. However, will be younger when I land. Thanks to face lift.”
You had a face lift? No wonder I didn’t recognize you as the werewolf in Twilight.
October 17th: “Now 80 light years from earth. Digging the King of Pop, Al Jolson.”
Hmmm. Maybe you should put that mask on that drops from the ceiling, Steve.
October 18th: “After recommending we watch Al Jolson, poor memory of Al lands me in baggage hold by on board choir when we see him sing Mammy in blackface.”
Well, that’s what you get for flying Delta.
October 18th: “Temperature of baggage hold on Earth is forty degrees. In space, minus 240. Fingers falling off. Saving them for later reattachment.”
Prudent. Keep them in a glass of milk like a tooth.
October 18th: “Good news. Just found passenger list. Assembling A team to smash this alien crew. More tomorrow.”
I hope you escape. You sound like you’re trapped in that new movie, Skyline.
October 19th: “Baggage prison bars made of hacks. Fortunately, found hack saw. Free! Found passenger list. Time to assemble A-Team.”
You mean the bars are made of bad comedians? Just promise them you’ll get them into the Fryers’ Club, then they’ll get out of your way.
October 19th: “Passenger manifest includes: Kevin Nealon, Samuel L. Jackson, Gloria Allred, Leo Laporte, Snooki, myself. Now assembling C-Team.”
C-Team? Where’s Tom Seizmore?
October 19th: http://www.nbcchicago.com/entertainment/movies/Steve-Martin-Getting-WIld-and-Crazy-Online-104082194.html
Welcome to the 21st century, buddy. I look forward to your hologram stand up to be beamed directly into my brain.
October 19th: “Nealon doing good stand-up. Aliens laughing vomit. Snooki doing cleavage thing. Alien distracted; looking up earthword “vacuous.” Two down.”
Wow, Nealon, really? Are those aliens from 1988?
October 19th: “NBC retweet was an accident. Still on board, fighting to the death.”
Dammit, why didn’t you take the Situation with you? Oh. Right.
October 19th: “Leo Laporte helping alien prevent Android phone from time-shifting appointments as we move through time zones. Alien befuddled. Three down.”
Wow, there is app for everything.
October 19th: “Angry aliens growing Medusa snake heads. Samuel Jackson comes to life, destroys aliens with Uzi. Snooki cleavage plugs holes in ship.”
“I am tired of these motherfuckin’ Medusa snake heads on this motherfuckin’ spaceship!”
October 19th: “Allred suing space vacuum for harassment of Snooki. Xanax, the one good alien, has restored my fingers to my forehead. Heading for home!”
Hmm, maybe you can use that in a Roxanne sequel.
October 19th: “A wonderfully lucid review of our Santa Barbara show: http://tiny.cc/4fcdl”
Oh, Steve. What is with these kids and the meta-comedy?
October 19th: “Some of my gags from the show: It’s a longtime imagine of mine to do grass in Santa Barbara. Now I am digit travel fireman to that dream.””
This is what you get when the Internet starts thinking for itself.
October 19th: “Finally, someone who gets me: “As queer as his diatribes were, his penalization held coequal coefficient throughout the night.””
If that sentence had made sense, Skynet would awaken and kill us all.
October 20th: “Normally, I resent my music being called an “agitated grass wad.” But somehow, it’s appropriate here. http://tiny.cc/b3gi3″
It’s like someone wrote a program to post reviews and it’s not working, but they didn’t turn it off.
October 20th: “You had to be there: “Such humorous moments pronounceable over the conference aforementioned a laughter train.””
It’s like a retarded Terminator.
October 21st: “Today is get it right Friday! In an earlier tweet, someone pointed out that “correctly punctuated,” should have read “correctly-punctuated.””
Yeah, grammar nazis. Just what Twitter needs.
October 21st: “Evidently, that someone was wrong. So “get it right Thursday!” starts off with a bang!”
Can’t wait for “Fuck it up Sunday”.
October 21st: “Gettin’ back in bed!”
G’night.
October 21st: “Get it right Friday to become regular feature every Thursday.”
Should we move the other day to Saturday then?
October 21st: “So it’s correct to say, “Chicago Manually of Style?””
Only if you’re getting a handjob while you’re doing a book report. It is fun, but your grade will not be an “A”, trust me.
October 21st: “Am checking Tri-County Area Manual of Style. Very adamant about capitals beginning sentences, or at least being second letter.”
gOod plan.
October 21st: “Tri-County Area Manual of Style also suggests, for clarity, inserting Arabic numerals when spelling them: Fo4ur. Fi5ve. Six6ty-Sev7en.”
That is going to really add some time whenever I script a countdown in a comic. That’s it. No more astronauts.
October 23rd: “Pretty hectic day. Got some letters in the mail, now I’m busy alphabetizing them. Back in touch tomorrow.”
Man, you are relentlessly tweeting.
October 23rd: “So great that alphabet already in alphabetical order. What a timesaver.”
Yes, more time to tweet.
October 23rd: “Alphabet got out of alphabetical order now can’t get it back in.”
A, B, C, D, etc.
October 24th: “Day off on Monday; hoping to get a 24 flu. Would be so convenient, and give me something to do.”
I suggest more alcohol and video games. Trust me on this.
October 25th: “Now tweeting in all caps, but only in theory.”
Hey, remember Happy Feet? I love that.
October 25th: “Gee, I’m good-looking.”
Well, you did have a face lift.
October 25th: “My butt looks great in this three-way mirror.”
A butt lift too? That’s cheating.
October 25th: “OH NO! I just found out this tinfoil beanie with the copper propeller I wear at home has been tweeting my private thoughts by ESP!”
Don’t think about your pin number!
October 25th: “Wife asking about hat. Could be a long night.”
Tell her it’s part of a video game system. The Wii would have something stupid like that.
22 hours ago: “Tinfoil hat with copper propeller. Trying to convince trusting wife it’s a style and not a …COMPULSION. She’s almost there.”
Don’t think about sequel to Pink Panther 2! For God’s sake, don’t!
10 hours ago: “My calves look great in these socks (Sorry, ESP tweet from tinfoil hat).”
Calf lifts too? Dammit, I want to be rich.
5 hours ago: “I explained to trusting wife that tinfoil hat is research for upcoming Spielberg space film. Now I have to convince Spielberg to make film.”
Put in a cute alien and Harrison Ford.
4 hours ago: “My husband is an idiot.”
4 hours ago: “Wife wearing tinfoil hat. Tweeting her thought via ESP.”
Ba-dum-dum, keesh!
4 hours ago: “Why can’t Steve be more like Jerry Seinfeld?”
Is he master of his own domain?
Okay, let’s rate Steve’s tweets. Let’s see, that’s a 9 for Insanity, 9 for Style and a 10 for Mustness. The guy is relentless! That’s a 9.7. You gotta follow. Gotta. And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.
