Hey bros! Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die! Today’s contestant is Julius Sharpe, writer for Family Guy. No, not the one that was at Occupy, but another one. Trust me, he’s funny. Let’s find out if his tweets stack up to Greased up Deaf Guy.
December 8th: “Thanks to plastic surgery, anyone can now look like an elderly teenager.”
Or in the case off Joan Rivers, Frankenstein’s grandma.
December 8th: “Not sure why “snuff” is so great we evaluate everything else to see if it’s up to it.”
That shit is like meth for French nobility.
December 8th: “All I want is a better life than my kids.”
I think we all want a better life than you kids, Julius. If Family Guy isn’t cool when you’re a kid, then all that leaves is Allen Gregory.
December 8th: “Instead of being impressed when someone juggles chainsaws, I find myself wondering, “Why would anyone own three chainsaws?””
Because the trees need to know who’s boss.
December 9th: “One sentence you’ll never hear is, “Awesome, corn chowder!!””
Or “I didn’t shit my pants after eating at Chipotle”.
December 9th: “Thanks for the several thousand nods and tight-lipped smiles, everyone I’ve ever passed at work.”
Wow, I didn’t think Seth and the crew and Family Guy were so uptight.
December 9th: “#ff Family Guy’s Patrick Meighan on his occupy LA arrest: myoccupylaarrest.blogspot.com – Didn’t ask whether he pooped in front of 20 guys in jail”
Apparently there was no room to sit down to poop. Most of the poop was beaten out of them ahead of time.
December 10th: “This must be the most confusing time of year for anyone named Oscar Buzz”
Or his wife, Emmy Buzz.
December 10th: “”Hey, everyone just land where you want.” – A really cool air traffic controller”
Ha! I can see that on Family Guy.
December 11th: “Make it a Lexus December to remember! (overpaying for a rebadged Toyota while millions go to bed hungry)”
I thought you were making fun of the hippies when you posted about Patrick and here you are one of them.
December 11th: “Million dollar idea – a coffee table book of celebrity shits.”
Nah, I’ll just flip to the index in the back at the Barnes and Noble.
December 11th: “It doesn’t seem like anyone’s ever taken more than 10 seconds to think up the name of a gay dance club.”
That and stripclub names. Of course, for both you could call either “Pole Dancers”.
December 11th: “From now on when someone sneezes, I’m going to say, “Tebow bless you”.”
December 12th: “A look at any wedding registry will tell you people are way too optimistic about how often they’re going to make muffins”
I got my friend a pasta maker and when he got divorced it was one of the few things he kept.
December 12th: “I hope “War Horse” is bad so as I leave the theater I can say, “That was the ‘War Horse-t’ movie I’ve ever seen.””
Are you sure you write for Family Guy?
December 12th: “It’s much cheaper – although less impressive – when you say it with flour.”
Unless you’re antiquing someone.
December 12th: “We should start calling the elderly “the smellderly”.”
When are they going to make a Glade plugin for grandma?
12 hours ago: “I can tell how good a tweet is by how many times I get blown after. So far, the record is zero times.”
You are clearly the most optimistic person on Twitter. Except for maybe Charlie Sheen, who probably gets blown after every tweet.
9 hours ago: “The couples in Cialis commercials look like they should have gotten divorced 8 years ago.”
That drug keeps a marriage alive.
4 hours ago: “When my dorm R.A. demonstrated how to put a condom on a banana, it made me wonder how long he’d been banging fruit.”
Damn, you’re still living in a dorm? Fuck, I’m way too old to write Family Guy.
Okay, let’s rate Julius’s tweets. He’s clearly doing some quality tweeting here. A major effort. Practically doing stand up live. I give him a 9 for Insanity, a 10 for Style and a 10 for Mustness. That’s a 9.6. Definitely one to follow, bros.
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