Thanksgiving is a time to eat a lot of food, get sick of your family and go to the movies. But there are just some movies I won’t waste my time with. I’ll be heading back to the fridge for cold turkey.
Horrible Bosses 2: I really liked the first movie, but this sequel seems like a stretch. Plus they bring back the crazy bosses as well? Makes no sense. And can just hear the reviews now, “Horrible Bosses 2, Horrible Movie.” I’ll wait for Netflix.
Top Five: Ya know, I like Chris Rock. His stand up is awesome, but his movies, not so much. Top Five doesn’t even sound like a movie title. Sounds more like a TV show about music that’s on VH1 at 4am. Nah.
Comet: The only movie I watch with the word “comet” in the title is “Night of the Comet”. Listen to this pitch “Set in a parallel universe, Comet bounces back and forth over the course of an unlikely but perfectly paired couple’s six-year relationship.” So you’re going to set a movie in a parallel universe, but instead of doing something cool like having the Nazis win WW2 or the Brits win the Revolutionary War, you’re going to focus on some random relationship? Uh, no.
Taken 3: As the saying goes in Hollywood, “beware of anything released in January and February”. This begins the graveyard of movies, where weak films go to die. Really? A third one? They couldn’t just leave that first one by itself, huh? What about just doing another cool movie with Liam Neeson? Oh, wait, they did that too.
The Wedding Ringer: How many Kevin Hart movies are going to center around a wedding and relationships? Here’s another funny comedian and they can’t seem to put him in a movie that makes sense for him. Kevin Hart should be in a movie called, “My Crazy Dad” as the crazy dad. Has no one in Hollywood bothered to listen to his stand up?
Paddington: A live-action version of a kid’s cartoon? How could this go wrong? I mean, the live action version of The Flintstones, Dick Tracy, Scooby-Doo— Didn’t those do great?! What next? Live action Babar the Elephant? Did the guy who greenlit this suffer from some head trauma or something?
Mortdecai: Johnny Depp in a movie directed by the guy that wrote Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I don’t know about you, but I still want my money back for Dark Shadows and I saw it for free.
I’m going back to my tablet games. The plot on those holds up better.
