Mar11

Rewritten Headlines: Cell Phones to Shaggy

by tonyd on March 11, 2016 at 12:01 am

RewrittenNewsDeskWerewolf

Chicago Man Wants People to Talk Again

Future Presidential Candidate Begins TV Career

Famous Celebrities Killing and Eat Each Other

Lobster Dinner to be Twice as Delicious

Justice Official Pretends He Cares About Privacy

Zombie Can’t Catch Break

Politician Announces Something We Already All Knew He’d Do

Man Has Piece You Need

Dr. Giggles Lives

Shaggy Loses His Shit

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Mar09

Twitter in Focus: Patrick Stewart

by tonyd on March 9, 2016 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is Sir Patrick Stewart: Enterprise Captain, cartoon CIA boss and Gandolf’s good friend.  Let’s see what he’s tweeting.

@SirPatStew

February 4th:  “ putting on my 1st pair of ski boots, at Alpine Meadows with and her ski-crazy family ”

Watch yourself on those slopes, Sir Patrick.  That’s how they killed Sonny Bono.

February 6th:  “Please support this vital#TheArcherscampaign. Help & help women like Helen http://just ”

Looks like the link expired.  Don’t worry, Archer comes back on TV in April.

February 6th:  “Who can have watched tonight’s Republican debate and not have despaired that these guys are the cream, the elite of the Republican Party.”

Every utterance of Trump is more hilarious than a thousand Family Guys.

February 6th:  “Am I wrong to say this debate was a cheap rip off of Americas Got Talent – including hysterical CNN panel. Winners/losers -political debate?”

Oh, yeah.  Those guys always gotta make it a horse race.

February 9th:  “Friend Fidelis Morgan about to publish her new novel The Murder Quadrill. Read her Countess books? You’ll love this. ”

Books?  Do people still make those?

February 13th:  “Sorry but it will be 30 today in Palm Springs. Come on Town, shut up shop this time, please.”

30?  Crazy weather.

February 15th:  “Had fingers crossed, and am thrilled to learn of ‘s TWO Grammy wins. So deserved.”

Nice.

February 15th:  “”Do you feel lucky, punk?” ”

Sir Stewart loves the Grammies.

February 18th:  “Check out my lady ‘s upcoming US release ”

Plug for the wife?  Can’t fault the man for that.

February 21st:  “You never know how an evening will be but…tonight I wished happy birthday to a fine actor and great man – Sydney Poitier.”

Hobnobbing with the big guys.

March 4th:  “The Republican Debate on TV – fascinating. But where was the ‘Debate’? I have seen bar room brawls that more fitted the term. How sad.”

If they start actually throwing punches, it wouldn’t be all that surprising.

March 5th:  “Follow up. Today’s match, both teams total: shots on target 8, shots off target 24.”

Patrick Stewart skeet shoots?  Poorly.  Keep practicing.

March 6th:  “A glamorous Saturday night in Hollywood…Monopoly with dear friends. ”

Celebrity Monopoly?  There’s a TV show in there somewhere.

March 7th:  “Filming Blunt Talk and Jacki and I felt like kids beside two very impressive actors:Mathew Willig and Jamal Duff. ”

Gotta love the behind-the-scenes pics.  Man, those guys are huge.

March 7th:  “My brilliant friends are at the lovely tonight and tomorrow night. Highly recommend.”

Improv?  Oo, I’d like to see Sir Patrick do some of that.

Okay, let’s rate Picard’s tweets.  Well, I’m totally biased for the man, but his Twitter is very interesting.  He’s doing a lot, seems genuine, behind-the-scenes—  He’s got it all.  I give his Twitter an 8 for Insanity, a 9 for Mustness and a 10 for Style.  That’s an overall score of 9.  Follow Sir Patrick.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

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Mar07

Fat Guy Eats: Meadows Diner

by tonyd on March 7, 2016 at 12:01 am

SF Tony Avatar

Restaurant: Meadows Diner

Address:   101 S Black Horse Pike, Blackwood, NJ 08012

Food:  Diner

Price:  Affordable

Portions:  Good

Taste:  Good

Service:  Friendly and Well Meaning

Atmosphere:  Very Friendly

Meadows Diner is one of my regular diner stops.  It’s fairly close to the homestead and offers consistent, quality diner options.

The highlight is the salad bar which, if you like salad bars, is always clean and fresh.  It’s small and doesn’t offer everything, but solidly covers the basics and the croutons are really good.

The other highlight is the extremely friendly staff.  They really do treat you like a favorite member of the family, so if there’s a problem they are quick to fix it.  Several trips back the Missus and I order gyros and the cooks gave us sour cream instead of Tzatziki sauce.  Well, when the manager found out he bent over backwards to make sure we got freebies and apologies.

This time I decided to go rogue and get stir fry.  It had veggies, chicken and beef tips.  It was full of carrots, water chestnuts and lots of stir fry sauce.  It was a little drowned in the sauce, but I like that.  I gotta say, I didn’t expect much from an oriental stir fry dish in a diner, but the meat was very tender.  Since it was an entrée, I also got the salad bar, bread and a choice of two sides.  I went for double French Fries.  The fries are pretty classic.  Definitely a plus.  So hard to find good fries these days.  I think they’re from a bag, but they are plain, not the cheaper kind with the batter.  The bread is good too.  They may bake it there, they do a fair amount of desserts and pastries.

The Missus got the gyro platter, which is awesome and comes with fries, pickle and coleslaw.  The topper is the iced tea.  There’s plenty of lemons and it’s brewed.

The waitress forgot the Missus decaf and extra napkins, but quite frankly, we were so hungry we didn’t miss it.  Total charge was $33.45 and we came home with leftovers.  It’s a solid deal all around.

I give Meadows Diner 8 out of 10 keggers.

kegkegkegkegkegkegkegkeg

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Mar06

Your Fratoscope: March 6, 2016

by tonyd on March 6, 2016 at 12:44 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  Your birthday party at the trampoline park ends with your fat ass being escorted out.  Why did you wear cleats?

Aries:  You discover CFI stands for “Colossal Fucking Idiot”, so you probably should get rid of those monogram pajamas.

Taurus:  This week, customers discover that your app is actually just a sticker affixed to the screen of their iPhones.

Gemini: You make a joke at the cashier’s expense at KFC and they imply they deep fry something other than chicken.  Now who’s an asshole?

Lemini:  You rehab meeting ends at an opium den again.

Cancer:  Your Uber driver will offer you free massages until you get out of the car.

Leo:  You will discover that you have a fetish for Cajun spice.

Virgo:  Your credit card will be declined, but you didn’t need to buy that life-sized statue of Kim Kardashian anyway.

Libra:  The stars say, you’ll need change for a twenty and possibly some body armor this week.  It’s going to be busy.

Scorpio:  You will have a sexual dream about the Michelin Man.

Sagittarius:  You will discover after 18 Jello shots, you’ll pretty much give anyone a handjob.

Capricorn:  You’ll eat a record-setting amount of barbecue sauce, not for the record, just because you like it.

Aquarius:  You will change your horoscope sign to one that more closely resembles your personality.

Pisces:  Donald Trump will continue to call, but you’ll continue to duck him until he picks another VP.

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