May13

Rewritten Headlines: Fast Food to Fingers

by tonyd on May 13, 2016 at 12:01 am

RewrittenNewsDeskWerewolf

Fatties Can Relax

Defense Industry Pushing for World War

Science is a Dick

Cops Play By Their Own Rules

Government Knows Best

Lucky Guy?

Landlord Totally Uncool

Alligator Now Bounty Hunter

At Least Everyone Got Out of His Way

Asians Continue to be Weird

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May11

Twitter in Focus: Comedy Writer, Brian Stack

by tonyd on May 11, 2016 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is comedy writer, Brian Stack.  He’s work for Colbert and Conan, let’s see what he’s tweeting.

@BrianStack153

No idea which one he is.  I’m guessing the guy in the middle.  Judging by his handle, there’s 153 to chose from.

May 6th:  “If you like great crime shows and haven’t seen the Swedish/Danish series “The Bridge”, I’d HIGHLY recommend it.”

No one ever recommends the shitty crime shows from Sweden.  Like “Ski Life Police”.

May 7th:  “Nico’s great version of Jackson Browne’s “These Days”. Never gets old.”

Stack likes to put up a lot of interesting links.

May 7th:  “”Must you really take my photo while I comfortably rest on this sofa cushion, you insufferable man?”“”

Awww.  Doggie!

May 7th:  “I’m sure Trump cares a LOT about this person’s concerns.”

Casino owners are some of the most caring people.

May 8th:  “The Beatles-“Julia” (Re-mastered demo) Happy Mother’s Day, everybody!”

Ooo, now the sound will be in both speakers.

May 8th:  “Miriam with Nora and Colette several years ago.”

Aw, that’s nice.

May 8th:  “Who needs flowers and brunch when you can just poke your Mom in the nose?”

Guess he doesn’t have a Facebook account.  I don’t blame him.

May 8th:  “Patty Griffin (w/ Natalie Maines) “Mary”, live in concert. Written for her grandmother. Beautiful song.”

My mom prefers boring, practical gifts for Mother’s Day.  Like detergent.

14 hours ago:  “Great interview on with hilarious former Chicago improviser now starring on ”

Ah, improv.  Sometimes I miss it.  It’s fun.

14 hours ago:  “Two husbands and fathers at the very height of their dignity.”

Ha!  Nice.

9 hours ago:  “Hilariously insane new Adult Swim video from the brilliant mind of w/ , Scott, and others.”

That was pretty awesome.  Adult Swim does some crazy-ass shit.

Okay, let’s rate Stack’s tweets.  Pretty personal, lots of behind-the-scenes and links.  Low key.  I give him a 5 for Insanity, a 7 for Mustness and a 9 for Style.  That’s an overall score of 7.  Follow Stack.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

 

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May09

Frat Boy At the Movies: Captain America: Civil War

by tonyd on May 9, 2016 at 12:01 am

FratBoyATtheMovies

Well, I was worried about a third Captain America movie.  Winter Soldier really surprised me, but not as much as this movie.  Wow.

Very loosely based on the comic book crossover, the movie is a classic superhero set up where the superheroes fight.  Directed by the Russo brothers and very ably scripted by Christopher Markus and Steven McFeely, the story builds upon the events of Avengers 2.  It reintroduces Baron Zemo and also builds upon the story from Winter Soldier.

The movie also has great cameos from Ant Man and Spiderman.  (I’m psyched to go back and see Ant Man, since I skipped it.)  The path is laid out for a Black Panther movie.  Stan Lee’s cameo was great too.  The standouts, however, are still Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans and Scarlett Johansson.  Their three characters hold the plot together, as each reveal ups the ante on the fight.

Beyond that, it’s hard to tell you more without giving it away.  It’s funny, dramatic, full of action and pretty true to the comic.  The Missus thought the fight between the heroes was “petty” and beneath them, but I felt it was pretty true to the Marvel Universe soap opera, circa 1978 or so.

Stay for two scenes after the credits and don’t miss it.

I give Captain America: Civil War 10 out of 10 keggers.  The Marvel franchise is still solid, bros.  Don’t miss it.

kegkegkegkegkegkegkegkegkegkeg

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May08

Your Mother’s Day Fratoscope

by tonyd on May 8, 2016 at 12:01 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  Your mother’s various boyfriend’s throw you a birthday party, but it’s shut down by the fire department due to over occupancy.

Aries:  You’ll lose your mom at the third or fourth bar sometime on Mother’s Day, you lightweight.

Taurus:  Your mother enjoys her new handgun so much, the next liquor store she robs will be in your honor.

Gemini:  Despite your mother’s best efforts, she’s unable to break out of prison in time to be with you today.

Lemini:  Your mom sends you an email warning you that her new video on Pornhub makes her look fat.

Cancer:  When you arrive with your mother’s Mother’s Day cake her first question will be “Nice and what are you going to eat?”

Leo:  Your mom insists on you not wrapping her gift because she’s just going to shoot the heroin anyway.

Virgo:  Your mother’s apocalyptic visions of the future come true and Variety announces a Neighbors 2 sequel.

Libra:  You try to see your mom on Mother’s Day, but her zoo habitat is closed on Sunday.

Scorpio:  You mother will thank you for the oil drum of KY jelly, which should be enough for her to get through the rest of the weekend.

Sagittarius:  Your mom will insist she’s still allergic to you, which is why she’d rather celebrate without you in the Bahamas.

Capricorn:  Your mother will explain at the restaurant that it’s not you, it’s her and that she’d rather see her other children for awhile.

Aquarius:  The people at the fertilization clinic insist you stop sending them cards this time of year.

Pisces:  You buy your awesome mom dinner and tell her about the horoscope column on your comedy site.

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