Jan19

Rewritten Headlines: Unhappy Ending to Urn Problem

by tonyd on January 19, 2018 at 12:01 am

Unhappy Ending

Nurses Paranoid

New Chapter About to be Written

Worst.  News.  Ever.

Man Wishes He Stayed in School

Every Single Marvel Comic to be Made Into Something

Dole Much Cooler Employer Than Previously Thought

Fat Guy Gets Dissed

What Would Be the Natural Way?

Grandma Donation

 

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Jan17

Twitter in Focus: Orlando Jones

by tonyd on January 17, 2018 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is Orlando Jones, who I remember from Mad TV, but he’s been in tons of stuff.  Let’s see what he’s tweeting.

@TheOrlandoJones

January 13th:  “Any delinquents out there? :p  https://twitter.com/TheOrlandoJones/status/952277656191537152 ”

All those drinks are gross.

January 14th:  “Good boy!  https://twitter.com/TheOrlandoJones/status/952633106061766656 ”

Doc, my dog!  I think he has termites!

January 14th:  “The real rewards of progress. https://twitter.com/TheOrlandoJones/status/952694611201359872 ”

A terrible feeling indeed.

January 15th:  “Respect.  https://twitter.com/TheOrlandoJones/status/952968810390343680 ”

That’s true.

January 15th:  “24 hrs left. Just 41 senators needed. RT if you want your senator to stop FBI, NSA, and *all* presidents’ warrantless spying powers over Americans.”

Nice to see someone in Hollywood is paying attention, rather than becoming obsessed with overturning the election they’ll never overturn.

10 hours ago:  “Friends! Do me a favor and vote for my man Randy Aldridge as best newscaster in Wilmington NC. ”

Wish I could.  BTW, American Gods?  Pretty good show if you haven’t seen it.

19 minutes ago:  “HUGE CONGRATS 2 ON MAKING HISTORY WITH SUCH AN AWESOME SHOW.”

Jeez, where did this show come from?  I hadn’t heard a thing about it until today.

Okay, let’s rate Orlando’s tweets.  Good stuff.  Tons of RT’s.  Good balance of plugs, memes.  I give Orlando a 7 for Insanity, an 8 for Mustness and a 9 for Style.  That’s an overall score of 8, follow Orlando and watch American Gods.

If you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

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Jan15

Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies: Early 2018

by tonyd on January 15, 2018 at 12:01 am

I love movies, when they’re good.  When they’re not, I avoid them.  Why give bad studios more money, I say.  Here now is Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies.

The Commuter:  Taken on a Train.  C’mon, anyone can write this one.  “I don’t know who you are, but I have a certain set of skills…blah, blah, blah…”  And Liam Neeson buys another house.

The Room:  So, you want me to pay money for a movie everyone knows is bad?  What the Hell is the car wash going to sell on VHS if you do that?!

12 Strong:  AKA: Let’s Rewrite the War on Terror so we don’t look like assholes.

Den of Thieves:  AKA: Bank Robbery Movie #3,489,627.

The Final Year:  AKA:  Let’s Pretend Obama is Still President for Two Hours.

Maze Runner:  The Death Cure:  Movies for teens who don’t know what good movies are like.  Hard pass.

Winchester:  Hollywood steals another idea from Alan Moore.

Fifty Shades of Freed:  Women’s porn is apparently okay and profitable.  Now that I’m single, there’s still not a hot enough woman that can make me see this movie.

Peter Rabbit:  CGI Characters are cute!  Yeah, haven’t seen THAT before.  At this point, these movies should just have their own channel.  What am I?  12?  Of course I’m not seeing this!

Annihilation:  Natalie Portman?  I’m out.

The War With Grandpa:  WTF happened to Robert DeNiro?  Did he lose a bet?

All I can say is, thank God I have Netflix again.

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Jan14

Your Fratoscope: January 14, 2018

by tonyd on January 14, 2018 at 2:24 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  Your cat throws you a surprise party, but the birthday cake is made out of tuna fish and dead mice.

Aries:  You will be mugged for your fortune cookie fortune.

Taurus:  The stars say, your robot will gain sentience and steal your car.

Gemini:  Apparently the waiter will take your insulting tone personally, since your salad will be made mostly of green candy wrappers.

Lemini:  You submission to Fail Army is rejected because apparently you can’t even screw up correctly.

Cancer:  You’ll soon understand why you shouldn’t sit on a glass table, fat ass.

Leo:  You will be made uncomfortable by a produce arrangement in the supermarket.

Virgo:  This week, your Facebook account will be hacked so that all your stupid opinions no longer get posted.

Libra:  You will drink a record amount of clam juice this week.

Scorpio:  You’ll realize that having sex with the mailman to get free mail is pointless since you’re kind of a whore anyway.

Sagittarius:  You’ll shit your pants, but in the best possible way: in the pants store!

Capricorn:  You’ll find out your employer’s benefit package are nothing but coupons for Arby’s.

Aquarius:  Your pole dancing is sexy, but inappropriate in the fire house.

Pisces:  You’ll realize the “hoagie inspector” is probably not coming back with your sandwich.

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