Sep08

Fratty or Not Fratty With Pledgemaster Dick

by tonyd on September 8, 2018 at 1:03 am

Judge not lest ye be judged…by our pledgemaster!  This is Fratty or Not Fratty with Pledgemaster Dick!

Obama:  Not Fratty

You know, when I took over as pledgemaster it would’ve been really shitty for the previous guy to blast me for my pledgemaster policies.  Especially since the president before Obama was a total shitbag and he didn’t do anything about him!  It’s easy to criticize when you don’t have to do shit.

Paul McCartney:  Fratty

The mere fact that that dude is still alive and in concert!  Fucking amazing.

Twitter:  Not Fratty

Banning Alex Jones is just the tip of the Twitter shit-iceberg at this point.  I mean, I never thought I’d miss the days when people just posted pictures of their sandwiches and only 140 characters.

Burt Reynolds:  Fratty as Hell

The man, the myth, the legend, the mustache?  God damn right he was Fratty.  Bill Daily, a close second.

Nike:  Not So Fratty

Who cares what “side” Nike is on?  Why would you bother to wade into this mess?  I’m not burning my Nikes.  They already got my money!

Elon Musk:  So Fratty

Elon Musk smoking chronic on the Joe Rogan podcast?  It doesn’t get much frattier than that!

Politics:  Never Fratty

I am so God damned sick of politics and the polarization.  From the Facebook posts to their idiotic opinions in person—  People gotta chill the fuck out.  Look, you may not agree with me, I may not agree with you.  So what?  We’re not trying to kill each other, we’re just trying to live our lives.  Remember that?  Live and let live?  If you disagree with me, that’s fine and if you agree with me, that’s fine and if you don’t give a fuck, that’s fine too!  But don’t make it personal.

Dating Apps:  Not Fratty

And speaking of politics, can we not politicize these?  Jesus Christ, if you don’t like Trump that’s fine, but putting an angry screed about him in your dating bio really isn’t sexy at all!  And while we’re at it, how about no more group pics, no more demanding a bunch of shit in your bio before I meet you and no yelling at me for shit that other guys did in their bios you didn’t like!

r/WhatCouldGoWrong:  Very Fratty

My new favorite Reddit room right after r/RoastMe.  You gotta stop by.

 

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Sep07

Rewritten Headlines: Electric Old Man to Axed Roadway

by tonyd on September 7, 2018 at 12:01 am

Dude Really Likes His Lawn

Restaurant Super Desperate for Customers

Awesome Job Involving Margaritas

Actor Looks for Work

Animals Can Now Be Suspects

Work Writes Complaint About Boss

Baboons Have Dentist Appointment Soon

Seagull Vigilante Wrongly Fined

Dude Shits Where He Eats

Texas Highway Smells Like New Jersey Highway

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Sep05

Fat Guy Eats: Holy Tomato

by tonyd on September 5, 2018 at 12:01 am

Restaurant: Holy Tomato

Address: 9 S. Black Horse Pike, Blackwood, NJ 08012

Food:  Pizza

Price:  Average

Portions:  Decent

Taste:  Unbelievably Good!

Service:  Above and Beyond

Atmosphere:  Hipster restaurant or take out

So, my dad is a huge fan of Tomato Pies, which are basically pizza but more with shaker cheese rather than mozzarella.  Holy Tomato makes both kinds on fresh made, thin crush pizza using fresh crushed tomatoes.  And let me tell you something, they friggin’ awesome.

Now don’t get me wrong, I also like the thicker, more doughy pizza, but this is nice, thin crunchy and tasty.  It’s an amazing sauce you can make with fresh ingredients like this.  They also have a salad and yes, it too is amazing.  They put these black sesame seeds on it—  Totally makes the difference, along with the fresh ingredients.

The atmosphere is very hipster.  It’s in a converted house, kind of hard to even see as you’re driving by.  It can get a little cramped, depending on the table.  They do have tables outside in the nice weather, though.

This is the kind of pizza you’ll just keep eating until it’s gone.  And since it’s not thicker and doughy, you can.  Drinks are served in mason jars, also tasty.  It’s just a great place and you should totally go, bros!  Bonus, they bring my pizza too my car when I ask.  It’s nice that I don’t have to get out with the dog.  Above and beyond!

I give Holy Tomato 9 out of 10 keggers.

kegkegkegkegkegkegkegkegkeg

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Sep03

Ten Things You’ll Never See in a Trump Tweet

by tonyd on September 3, 2018 at 12:58 am

  1.  “I can’t wait to be interviewed on CNN tonight!”
  2.  “I disagree with that guy, but he’s okay.”
  3.  “That guy that works for me does a good job, not the best, but good.”
  4.  “All right, all right, here’s a screenshot of my tax return.”
  5.  “Donate to my Kickstarter so my band can put out a kickass album!”
  6.  “My producers said the ratings for this presidential reality show are down so we’re bombing Spain.”
  7.  “Sean Hannity took a massive dump in my bathroom and didn’t flush.  Who does that?”
  8.  “Melania is looking a little tired, vote in this poll to pick my wife for the second term.”
  9.  “There’s an MSNBC special on me tonight, watch it!”
  10.  “I’m sorry.”
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