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Your Cheatin' Goth
The Apology
Freshmen Have Their Uses
The Campus Handy
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Buddy Virus Returns
Romance is Dead
We Hate Your Girlfriend
The Cycle of College
Love or Ice Cream?
Not That Much of a Bro
Goth Pledge
Say It With Pants
Colorado Road Trip
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Determined Depression
College Brain Surgery
A Dick in Time
Mar16

Rewritten Headlines: Afghanistan to Boobs

by tonyd on March 16, 2012 at 12:01 am

Time for the news.  Unfiltered for you pleasure.

Real:  Afghanistan’s President Karzai: Get US Troops Out of Our Villages

Rewritten:  American Puppet Asks Puppetmaster to Cut Him Some Slack

Real:  Rod Blagojevich Enters Federal Prison in Colorado to Start 14-Year Sentence

Rewritten:  Reality Show Star to Get Dose of Reality

Real:  iPad Launch: Walmart Selling Device From Midnight

Rewritten:  Poor People to Marvel at Magic Clipboard

Real:  Kashmir Scientists Clone Rare Cashmere Goat

Rewritten:  Quality Sweaters to Become Dirt Cheap

Real:  Wang Injured in Game Against Yankees

Rewritten:  Wang Injured in Game Against Yankees

Real:  Google Making Search Smarter

Rewritten:  Google Making Finding Your Particular Fetish Easier

Real:  Secret White House Wine No Longer Secret

Rewritten:  Reporter Pulls Bullshit Story Out of Ass

Real:  UK: 7,000 More Women Have Faulty Breast Implants

Rewritten:  7,000 English Women’s Boobs Match Teeth

└ Tags: Afghanistan, breast implants, Cashmere, comedy, crooked, funny, goat, Google, humor, ipad, Karzai, Kashmir, News, parody, puppet, Rewritten Headlines, Rod Blagojevich, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, UK, US, Wang, White House, wine, Yankees
1 Comment
Mar14

Twitter in Focus: Jason Segel

by tonyd on March 14, 2012 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is movie star and human Muppet, Jason Segel.  Jason is funny in the movies, let’s see how funny his tweets are.


@jasonsegel

March 5th:  “We don’t even know each other and you guys want me to be happy. I’m not being sarcastic at all when I say that actually means a lot.”

Aw, it’s just a big love fest on his Twitter.

March 5th:  “Holy moly guys. The past hour or so of how kind you guys are to me is not lost on me for a second. I will try to pay it back somehow ASAP”

Keep making the funny, bro.  Be one of those few stars that turns down shitty movies even though the money is awesome.

March 5th:  “@rickygervais let’s not get carried away with “role model” but you surely remind a young dude that the only way to make it is to work hard.”

Gervais?  I see buddy movie!

March 5th:  “Are we about to have some sort of wild west comedy tweet standoff? No one wins in this situation. Except me. But I was just saying thanks.”

Jason really jams in the maximum characters in every tweet.

March 5th:  “@rickygervais I love that somehow the mutual admiration society or at least the one side admiration society is viewed as a twitter fight”

Oh, Twitter fans.  Relax.

March 5th:  “Well that was easy. I’m never saying thank you again. It spawns a 2 million person jail brawl for some reason. Anyway, you’re the best ever”

Leave Jason alone Twitter.  Remember, he’s not afraid.  He fought the Hulk.

March 5th:  “Almost a million of us now. Wanna see something cool? Call a friend. Say something nice and mean it even if it feels dumb. It’s rad.”

You mean like, “You’re a handsome asshole.”

March 8th:  “Tonight was the Jeff Who Lives at Home premiere. You guys will be proud of me. Go see it if you have the chance. I do acting.”

That looks good.  I think I will go see it.

March 8th:  “My previous philosophy was just to make a face that matches the words I’m saying, but the brilliant Duplass bros made Ed helms and I act.”

Ed Helms.  Also no slouch.  Cedar Rapids was the best movie of 2011.

March 8th:  “@rickygervais just said it was the best movie he has has ever seen. What an amazing compliment. Thank you so much man. It means a lot.”

He’s just trying to start another Twitter fight.

March 8th:  “Ok, goodnight guys and thank you again for always being so cool to me. Jeff comes out the 16th and I really think you’ll dig it. It’s great.”

Check out the trailer here.

March 10th:  “a very very happy birthday to my amazing kid sister @alibaby90 – I’m very lucky to have such an amazing sister and friend.”

Aw, that’s nice.

Okay, let’s rate Jason’s tweets.  Pretty timely, definitely heartfelt and a little behind the scenes.  A really good mix.  I give him a 9 for Mutness, an 8 for Insanity and a 10 for Style.  That’s an overall score of 9.  Follow Jason, bros.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

└ Tags: actor, comedy, Ed Helms, funny, humor, I Love You Man, Jason Segel, Jeff Who Lives At Home, movie star, movies, premiere, Ricky Gervais, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, tweet, Twitter, Twitter in Focus
1 Comment
Mar12

Ten College Courses You’ll Never See

by tonyd on March 12, 2012 at 1:32 am

College courses can be stupid and pointless, but you’ll never see these no matter how much tuition you pay.

10:  Avoiding College Loan Payments 101: This extensive course shows you the best ways to stiff your former college and leverage the bankruptcy laws to your fullest advantage.  A special project includes groups of students practicing to fake their own deaths.

9:  Preparation for Life in Your Parents Basement:  This 15-week course covers everything from memorizing the best excuses for not finding a job, to hiding your weed and lying to women about your actual living conditions.  A mandatory course for all Philosophy and Art majors, this helpful instruction will allow you to cope with real economic realities.

8:  Winning the Lottery and Other Delusionary Shortcuts to Success:  Already realize that everyone in college is smarter and better connected than you?  Cut straight to your Hail Mary plan of getting rich quick.  Why wait to begin dreaming of mega-millions for doing nothing?  Whether it’s discovering a rich aunt that left you millions or uncovering a lost bar of gold in your garbage, this class will get your hopes high so you won’t even think about ever doing an honest day’s work ever again!

7:  Advanced Collegian Justification: This is one of those blow-off courses where we watch popular cartoons and talk about them.  The professor pretends it’s a real course, but we all know it’s just bullshit.  You’ll cruise to an easy B+ with no work while watching reruns of Family Guy.  We used to call it “Family Guy 101”, but the college took too much shit for it, so we changed the name to something academic-sounding and now, no one looks twice at it.

6:  Prostitution Basics: Whether you’re buying one or going to be one, this course will prepare you for everything whore-related.  Includes field trip to the worst section of collegetown.

5:  Snowbank Penmanship: Writing Legibly With Your Pee:  If you’re trapped in a snowstorm, this may be your last message to the world.  Make it readable.  Women may take this course pass/fail.

4:  Boning Hot Freshman Girls on Campus for Freshman: Why it won’t happen and how to find decent porn on the Internet until you become a Senior, when it will.

3:  Identifying Awesome Bud: Don’t let your dealer sell you another bag of stems and seeds.  Learn to identify chronic that will fuck your shit up right.

2:  The Crazy Chick: The Dichotomy of an Amazing Lay and a Bad Relationship: She’s a God Damned freak, but she’s also so hot.  Measure just how much bullshit you will put up with for amazing sex.  When to call it quits and how to leave her without having your dorm torch and your car windows smashed.

1.  The Psychology of College Professors: Ever wonder why your unpublished writing professor is teaching writing?  This course delves deeply into why those who can do and those who can’t teach and why you’re probably majoring in wasting your parents’ money.

Ten College Courses You’ll Never See
Written by Tony DiGerolamo
Copyright 2012

└ Tags: college, comedy, courses, funny, humor, lists, loan, payments, students, Super Frat, ten, Ten Things You'll Never See, Tony DiGerolamo
1 Comment
Mar11

Your Fratoscope: March 11, 2012

by tonyd on March 11, 2012 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week:  You will accidentally set your time machine ahead one hour and strand yourself in Ancient Egypt.

Aries:   Your iPad 7 arrives from the future to upgrade your iPad 3.

Taurus:   The stars say, your Pink Slime-theme restaurant idea probably needs some tweaking.

Gemini:   Your techno-wind chimes will begin to attract birds that build their nests out of glowsticks and stuff your bird feeders with ecstasy.

Lemini:   You should stop looking for answers in your horoscope.  They’re all bullshit.

Cancer:   Due to a credit card mishap at a parking kiosk, you end up paying parking for the entire city of Newark.

Leo:  The used car deal will offer you a free new finish on your car.  Unfortunately, the finish is stucco.

Virgo:   You will organize a group to help save a beached whale until you find a “Vote Santorum” bumper sticker on its tail.

Libra:   Adult Swim will turn down your cartoon pitch, “Fart Police”.

Scorpio:   Your erotic puppet show will finally close.  Now you can finally clean all that felt out of your crotch.

Sagittarius:   You will be pulled over by the cops for driving like an asshole.  Instead of a summons, they’ll force you to legally change your first name to “Dickhole”.

Capricorn:  You will find a tiny top hat, cane and spectacles at the bottom of your bag of peanuts.

Aquarius:   Your game of solitaire ends in another fist fight.

Pisces:   Your Sunday birthday party will be full of fun, but contain no live celebrities.  But zombie James Brown will be immensely entertaining.

└ Tags: Aquarius, Aries, astrology, Cancer, Capricorn, comedy, frat boy, funny, future, Gemini, horoscope, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, parody, Pisces, predictions, psychic, Sagittarius, Scropio, signs, Super Frat, Taurus, Tony DiGerolamo, Virgo, Your Fratoscope, zodiac
1 Comment
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