Poop Stories:  Best and Worst Toilets

When I’m on the road, sometimes I have to poop.  There are good places to poop and bad places to poop.  Here’s a list of the best and worst.

Best Poop Places

Hotels:  Hotels are the best because they are constantly cleaned.  Don’t worry if you don’t have a room, there’s always a public bathroom.  The best ones are in the Hampton Inn because they usually don’t have a restaurant.  Since the guests have their own bathroom, they really don’t get much use and are normally very clean.

Hospitals: Hospitals have to keep the bathrooms clean for obvious reasons, so they usually get pretty clean.  If the bathroom is on the floor that doesn’t see a lot of patient visitors, even better.

CVS:  CVS stores usually have bathrooms, but you have to be let in by an employee.  Consequently, they don’t see a lot of traffic.

Libraries:  Assuming it’s not a big-city library where the homeless people like to go, most suburban libraries don’t see many customers and the bathrooms themselves are often larger than needed.

Worst Poop Places

The New York City Port Authority:  One of the most trafficked places in the world, unless you’re about to shit your pants, stay away.  Far away.

Stadium Bathroom:  Sports fans aren’t very neat to begin with and after a few beers, they pretty much piss exclusively on the floor.

Any Chain Movie Theater:  Two problems:  First, when a movie let’s out they are overwhelmed with customers, so things tend to get sloppy and rushed.  Second, almost everyone that works there is a grossly underpaid teenager that isn’t going to kill themselves scrubbing a bowl for your convenience.

Any Fast Food Bathroom:  Fast food bathrooms are usually too small and they serve the kind of food that makes you really need a bathroom.  I would put rib joint bathrooms at the top of this list.