Dec19

Twitter in Focus: Phil Lamarr

by tonyd on December 19, 2012 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is voice of Hermes on Futurama, Phil Lamarr.  No, not the character that was killed in Blazing Saddles.  That was Hedley Lamar.  Get your facts straight, bros.  He was also awesome on Mad TV and does a whole lot of over voices as well including this one.  Let’s see what he’s tweeting.

@phillamarr

December 14th:  “Thanks to Jason Reitman and Film Independent for letting me play alongside Jack Black, Seth Rogen, Rainn Wilson,… http://fb.me/QLjGW2GF”

That’s very cool.

December 15th:  “We’ll be doing a live FUTURAMA event at @SFSketchfest in Jan.! Come on up! or down… @TheJohnDiMaggio @MAURICELAMARCHE”

Ah, but will you limbo is the question, mon!

December 17th:  “Uhh… that’s okay, I’ll take the ticket http://lockerz.com/s/269812681”

Ya see, that’s why I got a ticket in L.A.  I told the meter maid I could not get the spider to stay on my windshield, but she didn’t believe me.

13 hours ago:  “Had the pleasure of meeting Michael Biehn and @jenniferblancb yesterday. If they didn’t know @bryancallen, I’d think they were perfect ”

Wow, Bryan has really bulked up since Mad TV.  Is he on the Piscopo plan?

6 hours ago:  “Who do I love more than Miss Mae Whitman (@maebirdwing)? Not you! http://say.ly/sep4NVR”

Ya know, she’s not the only person with a tumblr account, Phil.

4 hours ago:  “Did I mention I got to bust ghosts with the effervescent & worldly @rainnwilson? http://say.ly/fUv4NYs”

Neat.

Okay, let’s rate Phil’s tweets.  He’s pretty good at responding to fans, so you gotta give him that.  His Twitter seems to be repeating things for some reason.  Not sure why, but it’s definitely a flurry of activity.  I like to see that.  I give him a 7 for Style, an 8 for Insanity and a 10 for Mustness.  That’s an overall score of 8.3.  Follow Phil.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

 

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Dec17

Ten Things I’d Wish the News Would Never Cover

by tonyd on December 17, 2012 at 12:01 am

1.  Murder Rampages  (Beyond telling me to avoid a certain area, why glorify the guy that went nuts?)

2.  Funerals/Memorial Services  (This is not news.  This is supposed to be a private event for family and friends.)

3.  Trials in progress (As much as I was glued to the set for the O.J. trial, looking back I think it was not a good thing.  Too much chance of the jury being influenced.)

4.  Politicians taking a tour of disaster areas  (The only reason I think politicians do this is because the news will cover it and make them look good.  This can only slow down rescue/clean up as resources are required for security.)

5.  What’s on TV  (Not sure when this started, but it’s like inserting an extra commercial in my news.)

6.  The personal lives of celebrities  (I really just don’t care.  Anyone that does probably isn’t very interested in actual news and there are million other shows for that.)

7.  Politicians expressing sorrow for a national tragedy (For the same reasons as #4.  Politicians barely work as it is, let’s not eat up their day demanding a statement on something they had absolutely nothing to do with.  Tragedies are tragic and they’re not going to say anything different than any other human being would say.  Unless they are directly involved, why put these people on the spot?)

8.  Are teens doing bad things?  (The answer is yes.  We were all teenagers.  We all did stupid shit in an attempt to get laid.  Nothing had changed.  Stop glorifying it by putting it on TV.)

9.  Is X dangerous to you and your family?  (The answer is no.  If X was dangerous, the story would be “Look out!  X is going to kill you!”.  The fact that it’s a question that the news people are pretending to “explore” tells you it’s just the latest fear-mongering trend.)

10.  Speculation (Stop bringing in “experts” to speculate what might have happened to “X” or “Y”.  If there’s no information, there’s not fucking news!)

 

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Dec16

Your Fratoscope: December 16, 2012

by tonyd on December 16, 2012 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week:  You will be carjacked by a fat man with a white beard and a red suit.  He’ll insist that he has to get back to his workshop in two weeks or there won’t be any meth in time for Christmas.

Aries:  You will have an exotic meal made of insects because you won’t notice the cockroaches in your hamburger.

Taurus:  Billy the Exterminator will come to your house and force you to leave.  On the up side, he does free you in a nice section of woods.

Gemini:  Your robot is hanging out with the wrong crowd and breaking curfew.  Time to reboot.

Lemini:  The stars say, check that mole.  The stars don’t like the looks of it.

Cancer:  You will see your couch on Storage Wars.  Guess you did forget to lock the door.

Leo:  You will be emailed a picture of the penis of the guy that stole your iPhone.

Virgo:  Let up on your boss, he’s under a lot of stress because he’s been asked to fire you.

Libra:  Your Christmas shopping ends abruptly when the security guard finds what you stuck under your coat.

Scorpio:  Sex with one of Santa’s Elves at the mall won’t be magical, but you will get a free Orange Julius afterwards.

Sagittarius:  Your souffle gains sentience and begins you not to eat it.  Later, it will complain and take up too much room in your fridge.

Capricorn:  Hugh Jackman will challenge you to a game of Call of Duty Black Ops II.  You’ll beat him, but no one will believe you.  C’mon, he’s Wolverine, dude.

Aquarius:  Asking the pizza guy to draw a picture on the inside of your box turns out to be a bad idea.  Although his picture is awesome, the spray paint he uses for the graffiti gets all over your extra cheese and mushroom.

Pisces:  You will rock the Christmas party, if by “rock” you mean eat all the free shrimp appetizers.

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Dec15

Ira’s Drunken Recipes: Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

by tonyd on December 15, 2012 at 12:01 am

Brother Ira likes to cook, but only when he’s drunk.  God help you if you get between him and a fridge after a night of drinking.

Ingredients:  8 domestic beers, six shots of Dewar’s, one rum and coke, 6-10 shots of vodka, peanut butter, jelly, nutella, bread, Thai peanut sauce

Step 1:  Imbibe beer

Step 2:  Take a pee, decide to go to bar

Step 3:  Order Dewar’s in attempt to impress hot chick at bar

Step 4:  Hit on girl, get shot down

Step 5:  Decide Dewar’s two expensive, order rum and coke

Step 6:  Meet bros outside bar, decide to head back to frat house

Step 7:  Decide to do Russian accents and drink vodka

Step 8:  Lose count of shots, pass out

Step 9:  Wake up hungry, decide PB&J would be good

Step 10:  Begin sandwich with Nutella by mistake, throw out bread

Step 11:  Spread peanut butter on new bread, get some on arm

Step 12:  Run out of peanut butter, decide Thai peanut sauce same thing

Step 13:  Pour Thai peanut sauce on bread

Step 14:  Spread jelly on other side of bread, get a lot on plate

Step 15:  Smash both pieces together, get more peanut butter, jelly and Thai sauce on hands

Step 16:  Eat sandwich while walking out on porch

Step 17:  Sit down, pass out with sandwich in mouth

Step 18:  Wake up hunger over with random dog licking peanut butter off hand, wonder why sandwich is so mushy

 

 

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