Star Wars to go From Sucky to Just Confusing

Lazy People Watching Bad Movies Keep Company in Business

Old Folks Homes Soon to Get Incredibly Interesting

Flying Murder Bots Somehow Still Not War Crime

Tiny Country Creates Threats to Gain Aid

Politician Probably Has Stock in Recycling Company

Insects Preparing to Abandon Earth

Crappy Team Tries to Rebrand Further Up Food Chain

News Writer Pretends to Believe Bullshit Story

Nerd to Get Mad Street Cred