Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:  It’ll be the 49ers by a field goal.  Happy birthday.

Aries:  You will prank all your friends with the hottest wings you’ve ever cooked and your friends will prank you by shitting all over your bathroom.

Taurus:  The stars say, take off that Kansas City jersey and stop embarrassing yourself.

Gemini:  You’ll discover that your TV is too small to host a Super Bowl Party and not everyone can fit inside the back seat of your SUV to watch.

Lemini:  You will test the limits of how much blue cheese one person can drink.

Cancer:  You will discover that the disgusting sandwich your buddy made for you at his Super Bowl party, fits neatly inside a desk drawer somewhere in his house.

Leo:  Your touch football game during the Super Bowl Halftime show leads to an awkward boner.

Virgo:  You will get caught double dipping in the salsa.  Nice going asshole.

Libra:  The Super Bowl tickets you purchased may have been fake.  At least that’s what the people at the Lincoln Financial Field in Philadelphia tell you.

Scorpio:  You will make sweet love in the coat room during a Super Bowl Party, but it will be ruled a party foul because there’s no one there but you and the jackets.

Sagittarius:  Your drunken antics mocking the Ravens will amuse everyone until you knock the flat screen over.

Capricorn:  Your girlfriend’s Super Bowl Halftime show greatly upsets you, but you friends will argue that her nudity puts it head and shoulder above Beyonce.

Aquarius:  You will discover that your nacho couch cannot support the full weight of a human being.

Pisces:  Your utter lack of interest in football means you will spend most of the day trying to go to the bank and post office.