Sep20

Rewritten Headlines: Food Stamps to Fapping

by tonyd on September 20, 2013 at 12:01 am

Rich Guys Think Poor People Eat Too Much

Organization That Used to Torture and Run Planet, Decides to be Nicer Now That It’s Nearly Irrelevant

Coffee Drinkers Now Defenseless

Dead Rapper Continues to Have Career

No Farts on Mars

Iranians Really Dislike Cats

E-Readers Stink

Christmas Going to Be Weird for British Parking Authority

Another Rich Guy Goes Free

Swedes Jizzing Everywhere Now

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Sep18

Twitter in Focus: Natasha Leggero

by tonyd on September 18, 2013 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is the hot and funny, Natasha Leggero.  Let’s take a look at her tweets.

@natashaleggero

September 3rd:  “I wish all the restaurants at LAX would release a cookbook so I could recreate some of these delicacies at home.”

Step 1:  Cook food.

Step 2:  Store it for two days over its expiration date.

Step 3:  Serve.

September 3rd:  “Watch Brickleberry tonight on Comedy Central with and me!”

An excellent show, by the way.  Total recommend.  And while we’re plugging, did I mention the bros appearing in the Miserable Comedians Kickstarter?

September 9th:  “I’m in this “: is “far and away the best comedy of Yahoo!’s new fall crop” ””

Neat.  I’m liking this and your new hot tub show.

September 13th:  “My James Franco roast set unedited: ”

Solid set.  Like Sarah Silverman only talented and hot.

September 13th:  “Dream man= Harry Styles mind in Assad’s body.”

Is it just my imagination or does that dude have a permanent starter stash?

September 13th:  “”

That is the link to Natasha’s website.

September 13th:  “All my minks are grass-fed.”

You are high maintenance, ‘tash.

September 13th:  “What’s the most glamorous setting for an emotional breakdown?”

Venice.

September 13th:  “My dream is to be on the cover of O magazine.”

My dream is to see you on the cover of Oui magazine.

September 14th:  “I think your 30’s is a good time to stop waiting in line for ice cream.”

Yeah, I could totally start pushing the little kids out of the way by then.

September 15th:  “I can’t wait to sail to Europe with my second husband!”

Pool boy or assistant gardener?

September 16th:  “I love a good Jjim Jil Bang.”

That’s like Korean bbq, only more naked and segregated.

3 hours ago:  “Whoever is tattooing the permanent eyeliner on Simon Cowell’s eyes is doing a wonderful job.”

Ba-zing!  Take that, formerly important celebrity.

Okay, let’s rate Natasha’s tweets.  Solid.  Good mix of material and some plugs.  Plus a link to her new Youtube show, which sounds promising.  I give Natasha a 9 for Insanity, an 8 for Mustness and a 10 for Style.  She has a 9 for an overall score.  I’m going to roll that up to a 10 because, ya know, she is pretty hot.  Follow Natasha.  You’ll laugh and have a boner!

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

 

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Sep16

Ten Things You’ll Never See in Grand Theft Auto V

by tonyd on September 16, 2013 at 12:01 am

I love video games and I especially love GTA.  I’m blocking out huge chunks of time for my impending purchase on September 17th because I know the game will bring much awesome.  But here now are ten things, I don’t think you’ll ever see in Grand Theft Auto V.

1.  A tea party challenge (deliver scones and tap X to be incredibly polite).

2.  Mormon Challenge (convert 10 heathens through the strength of prayer and by tapping square)

3.   A Breaking Bad parody (just kidding.  That’s probably at least 1/3 of the game.)

4.  Successfully make a lobster bisque.

5.  Pedestrians that get out of their car and apologize after driving like assholes.

6.  Pedestrians who pick up guns during Free Mode to defend themselves (although that would be very cool).

7.  Defrost your fridge’s freezer challenge

8.  Sort through the TV shows that your Tivo recorded and delete the ones you won’t watch challenge

9. Wait in line at the DMV challenge

10.  Maintain a restful sleep for 8 hours in real time challenge

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Sep15

Your Fratoscope: September 15, 2013

by tonyd on September 15, 2013 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week:  You will get lots of things for your birthday, but most you will lose in the lawsuit, so enjoy them now!

Aries:  This week, a bear will wander into your back yard, knock on your door and demand that you finally mow your lawn.

Taurus:  You will smell burnt hotdogs all day for no reason.

Gemini:  Someone close to you will punch you in the genitals.  Be on guard.

Lemini:  You will discover that your cat is running a illegal catnip farm in your backyard to sell to his friends.  Well, technically it’s not illegal, but he thinks it is.  He’s just a cat.  He doesn’t understand law.

Cancer:  What?  Oh, right.  Yeah, you’ll probably just get up, go to work and do some bullshit.

Leo:  This week, prepare yourself for a surprise explosion in your pants.

Virgo:  Watch where you’re going or you’ll knock over Nicole Kidman again.

Libra:  You’ll be invited to a roast, but really, people are just anxious to call you an asshole to your face.

Scorpio:  Your porn collection will have to be moved to a larger warehouse this week.

Sagittarius:  You will be caught masturbating to sexy candies.

Capricorn:  You will drink a lot of beer, then some shit happens that you won’t remember and you’ll wake up in time to nurse a hangover in a Tijuana jail cell.

Aquarius:  The bad news was that you have skid marks on your underwear, the worse news you’ll discover this week is that you’re not the one making the marks.

Pisces:  Nothing but good shit all week, although you may strain your face from smiling.

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