Tony checks out his uncle’s new restaurant.
Tony checks out his uncle’s new restaurant.
Ingredients: Four boneless breasts of chicken, 1/4 cup of flour, teaspoon of salt, teaspoon of black pepper, tablespoon of olive oil, bottle of cooking sherry, 1/2 cup of chicken broth, 1 clove of garlic, 1/2 lemon, 4 carrots, one Coors Light, a tab of acid.
Step 1: Drop acid
Step 2: Decide acid is not working and call girlfriend
Step 3: Get into argument how you never take her out everywhere
Step 4: Remember the cheap way out, offer to cook her dinner, recover conversation beautifully
Step 5: Get thirsty, drink beer
Step 6: Look up and print out chicken recipe from Internet
Step 7: Gather ingredients, notice that some of the ingredients keep sprouting tiny legs and try to run away
Step 8: Find meat tenderizer, smash ingredients that appear to move
Step 9: Put on oven
Step 10: Remember recipe calls for stove, turn off oven and put on stove
Step 11: Hear voices from inside oven, open oven to make sure invisible people can escape
Step 12: Pour all the ingredients on the chicken, forgetting the recipe is right underneath it
Step 13: Slap the chicken around and giggle uncontrollably
Step 14: Put chicken in pan, place pan on stove
Step 15: Flip chicken over and over again
Step 16: Become convinced that if the chicken isn’t cooked correctly, you’ll be trapped in this kitchen forever
Step 17: Burn chicken, decide to hide the evidence
Step 18: Put the chicken, the hot pan and all the ingredients, including the containers into a trashbag
Step 19: Run outside with trashbag. Begin digging hole
Step 20: Act surprised when girlfriend arrives and asks what the Hell you’re doing
Step 21: Climb into tree for safety, insist your are invisible up there, even though you’re not and although you’ve clearly demonstrated the ability in the past
Step 22: Spend next six hours being talked down by girlfriend
Step 23: Go out for Chinese food
Government Employee Takes Wife to Dinner
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People Finally Have Enough Computers
Hey Bros!
Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die. Today’s contestant is Daily Show correspondent, Al Madrigal! He’s hilarious on the show, let’s see if his tweets are just as funny.
January 1st: “My kids asked Siri “what does a hedgehog look like?” next question was something no parent wants to hear, “Dad, who’s Ron Jeremy?””
Ouch. What a way to start the year.
January 3rd: “El Camino. RT @dan_dion Day 3 of 365 Days of #ComedianPortraits– Al Madrigal! @almadrigal @TheDailyShow pic.twitter.com/7TJeXVZ2”
Nice! A classic American auto. I can see it now. You driving around, solving mysteries, helping people move…
January 5th: “”Fatties falling off treadmills” premiering soon!! ”
Even better!
January 9th: “Tonight on @TheDailyShow I go to the motor city to talk a man about a bridge. Not just any man btw, THE man. #detroit @bergerworld”
Who’da thunk that bridge barons run that town?
January 10th: “Mo bridges, mo problems. http://instagr.am/p/UUZBFZqy4_/”
Detroit: The city that leaves you hanging.
January 11th: “Time to jump on the germ train. 2?s Can this virus work it’s way through gloves? & if you have this flu, stay the fuck home.”
Just do what I do. Bath in hand sanitizer, then burn you bath tub.
January 11th: “Two cheeseburgers!? Hunter S. Thompson’s Daily Routine Was Way More Intense Than Your Daily Routine http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/hunter-s-thompsons-daily-routine-is-way-more-int …”
When you do that much cocaine, you burn a ton of calories. He should really be eating six or seven.
January 12th: “Wow!! #49ers http://instagr.am/p/UaOFUJqy9H/”
Kiss them pythons!
January 13th: “Quentin Tarantino just used his 2nd peace sign early in the 1st quarter. Not good clock management. #goldenglobes”
Well, he didn’t drop the N-bomb, so that’s something.
January 13th: “Catherine Zeta Jones looks damn good for 65! #goldenglobes”
Ha!
Okay, let’s rate Al’s tweets. Good behind the scenes, solid comedy and plenty of pics. I’m gonna let it slide that he’s a niner’s fan. So I give him a 7 for Insanity, 8 for Mustness and a 9 for Style. That’s an overall score of 8. Definitely follow Al.
And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.
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