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Dec28

Ten Things I Learned in 2013

by tonyd on December 28, 2013 at 12:01 am

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1.  Russian dash cams are awesome and necessary.

2.  Popes from South America are kinda cool.

3.  We shoot on full auto a lot.

4.  The NSA watches more porn than I do.

5.  If you don’t like taxes, the IRS doesn’t like you.

6.  When the government shutdowns, you can’t use your eyes.

7.  Don’t go to Detroit.

8.  Toronto likes to party.

9.  There will soon be awesome Kung Pao chicken places on the moon.

10.  The government can’t do on the Internet with a billion dollars, what most people do every day.

└ Tags: 2013, bullets, comedy, Detroit, funny, humor, internet, IRS, Kung Pao, meteor, NSA, Pope, shutdown, Super Frat, Ten Things I Learned, Tony DiGerolamo, Toronto, year in review
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Dec27

Rewritten Headlines: Bad Santa to Chef

by tonyd on December 27, 2013 at 12:01 am

RewrittenNewsDeskWerewolf

Bad Santa Sequel Probably in the Works

Dumbass Wastes Everyone’s Time

Hospital Places Babies Dangerously Close to Fireplace

Hot Chick Still Popular

Christmas Tree Gets Caught Cattle Rustling

Santa Hunting Season Best Ever

Google is Skynet

Three Rings Short of Song Verse

Relationships About to Ruin Shitting

Chef Decides to Traumatize Kids

└ Tags: Babies, Bad Santa, Christmas lights, Christmas Tree, comedy, current events, drunk, funny, Google, hanged, headlines, humor, Jennifer Lawrence, News, parody, Rewritten Headlines, Rewritten News, Santa, shitting, Skynet, stockings, Super Frat, Terminator, Tony DiGerolamo, turkey bear, weird news
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Dec25

Twitter in Focus: Santa Claus

by tonyd on December 25, 2013 at 12:01 am

Merry Christmas, bros.

I hope you received many gifts under that tree you and your brothers built out of Rolling Rock empties.  But as always, it is time for TIF, even on Christmas, where media comes to die. Today’s contestant is St. Nick.  Unfortunately, Twitter has not officially verified the real Santa, so you will have to choose.  Behold, the choices, bros.

@santa_claus

21 minutes ago:  “Did you know that tinsel was once made of real silver! It was invented in Germany in 1610”

Sounds like something Santa would say.  Hm, but that underline in the middle of his name makes me suspicious.

@santa

13 hours ago:  “Santa’s Warming Up For The Big Night… https://vine.co/v/hEDUJ50hjPh  via @RobOnTheRun”

Santa knows Vine?  No one that old even understands email.

@istheb  (AKA: Power Pop Santa)

10 minutes ago:  “I was going to go play WWE 2k14 but standing up is too risky so what’s up everyone?”

Santa doesn’t play with his own toys!

@MumbaiSanta

11 minutes ago:  “Hey @techknowdoc Santa is here! ;) Just around the corner. ;)”

Well, it makes sense Santa would outsource.

@santaclaus

December 22nd:  “No, I’ve never heard of Game of Thrones. Why do you ask?”

Well, if the Elves and all the good reindeer die, we know this one to be true.

@OfficialSanta

1 minute ago:  “IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE!!! GUESS WHO IS COMING TO TOWN TONIGHT!!!”

Only an Elf types in caps, so maybe.

@Santa_St_Claus (AKA: Kris Kringle)

2 hours ago;  “Currently judging you.”

Oppressive, Santa.  And a bit creepy.

@loadedsanta

10 hours ago:  “ARE YOU READY KIDS!?!?!? Good. Cause I sure as hell ain’t.”

Christmas is stressful.  Probably even moreso for Santa.

@Santa_4_reals (AKA: Black Santa)

June 19th:  “@Paula_Deen‘s “That Nacho Cheese Sandwich” recipe is to die for, y’all! #PaulasBestDishes”

Hmm, Santa may be way behind on his Twitter feed and news feed.

Okay, there are just too many Santas on Twitter.  I declare the winner to be…

@TheBatman

December 19th:  “You say “potato,” I say “45-to-life, criminal scum.””

Seriously, who would you rather have come down your chimney?  A strange old man in a red suit?  Or Batman kicking ass?  Because if Batman comes, you know he’s there to save you.  And that’s the best Christmas present of all.

 

 

└ Tags: comedy, funny, humor, Santa Claus, St. Nick, Super Frat, The Batman, Tony DiGerolamo, Twitter, Twitter in Focus
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Dec23

Life Skills for Fanboys: Convention Volunteers

by tonyd on December 23, 2013 at 12:01 am

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Life Skills for Fanboys:  Convention Volunteers

written by Tony DiGerolamo, Copyright 2013

I’m back with another skill, this one a bit more specific.  Take this criticism in the constructive way it is given.  Like you, I am also a fanboy.

The Idea Behind Volunteers

The concept behind convention volunteers is a noble one.  The geek community needs conventions so that we can connect with fellow fans.  Conventions are often expensive to organize and run.  Some cons are essentially non-profit operations.  Whatever money is made is used to cover costs and banked for next year.

Hiring a staff of corporate drones in black polo shirts often turns conventions into impersonal, money operations.  And, in the pursuit of money, whatever personality a convention once had is often lost.  So, in many ways, con volunteers are the personality of a convention.

The Problems

Just because your con is not part of a larger corporation out to fleece the fandom for every cent doesn’t mean you con will be a positive experience for the fans.  There are several pointed problems I see with volunteers when I attend shows.

1.  The Mercenary Attitude:  While many fans volunteer out of the goodness of their heart or simply because they don’t have the money to attend the con, some are merely there to avoid paying the entrance fee.  Once they’ve gotten their staff shirt and badge, they seek to shirk their duties or do the minimum at every turn.  As long as they get to their game or their event, they could give a crap about the rest of the con.

2.  The Untrained Masses:  Some fans are extremely earnest and willing to help when they volunteer, but if they aren’t given the proper training and leadership at the convention, there’s nothing much they can do other than mill about the floor and point out “fires” when they happen to someone who can actually do something.  In many ways, untrained volunteers are worse than no volunteers.  At least if there are no volunteers, I know I’m on my own.  But when someone untrained agrees to help solve my problem or answer my question, then disappears and never comes back, I’ve wasted a lot of my time.

3.  King Geek:  King Geek is a con volunteer who is a veteran and has decided to promote himself within his own mind.  He claims way more authority than he has and acts like he owns the convention.  Nothing is worse than a geek who throws his weight around and then it turns out he doesn’t even have any to throw.

4.  The Complainer:  Passive aggressive, angry and often bitter, this volunteer would rather complain about everyone else than actually just do the work.  Yeah, I understand no one is listening to, it’s a shame they wasn’t better training and no, this isn’t how I would run a con either, but should you be helping instead of bitching to me?

5.  The Unprofessional:  Look, I understand you’re a volunteer, but this isn’t your parents’ basement.  Get organized and do your job.  Stop talking on your cellphone to your friend about the autograph line and listen to your supervisor.  If you really just wanted to be at the con, then you shouldn’t volunteer.  Work or play, don’t do both at the same time.

The Solutions

Organizations need strong leadership and conventions are no exception.  One person needs to be in charge and the hierarchy naturally extends out from that one person.  Yes, I understand there are often counsels and clubs and large groups of people that are behind the scenes, spending money and organizing.  But the actually day-to-day running of an event needs to move with one voice and one purpose.  After the event is over, you can re-evaluate the leader’s performance and decide to replace him or her.

Once you have a strong leader, it all comes down to getting to know the volunteers and training them.  Mercenary volunteers are useless.  Identify them and kick them out if they don’t do their jobs.  The rest must be trained.  They must know their place in the hierarchy of the organization.  They cannot complain to the public and they must act like professionals during the entire event.

The Limits of Volunteers

Employees have to do their jobs, but volunteers can only be pushed so far.  They must have times scheduled “off” so they can enjoy the event and they should be thanked for their service by those above.  While it is important to make sure everyone is doing their jobs, it is also very important to respect volunteers.  Without respect, volunteers will not return and your convention will find itself short staffed next year.

└ Tags: con, convention, Convention Volunteers, geek, Life Skills for Fanboys, profesional, staff, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, unprofessional
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