Aug15

Rewritten Headlines: O.J. to Mayor Dog

by tonyd on August 15, 2014 at 12:01 am

RewrittenNewsDeskWerewolf

Kanye Has a New Problem

People in NJ Have Too Much Time on Their Hands

The Dolphins of Springfield?

21 Gun Salute Not So Awesome

White People Finally Realize Police Suck

Google Car Takes Wrong Turn

Yeah, No Shit

But At Least He Got the Best Parking Space

Bushes Still Suck

Politician Probably Licks Crotch

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Aug13

Twitter in Focus: Adam McKay

by tonyd on August 13, 2014 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is Adam McKay, co-founder of Funny or Die.  His site is funny, let’s see what he’s tweeting.

@GhostPanther

August 8th:  “TGIF!!! * *Thank the Goblin King its Farndon (the feast of the virgin dragon)”

Boom!  Material right out the gate.

August 9th:  “Even the Devil is like “Hey Ann Coulter, pull the evil back a little. You gotta soft sell it a tad.””

That’s a lot of evil to put back.

August 10th:  “The phrase “The shit hit the fan” should be replaced with “the apes took over the armory” ”

Well, that makes sense since shit is really an armory for an ape.

August 10th:  “”Remember the late 90’s?! The fashion, the music! Anyone?….. No? Sorry. Go back to ur surgery. Ill leave the OR on my own.””

Dammit, Adam!  Now I’m losing him!  Live, dammit, live!

August 11th:  “How many Ann Coulters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A thousand. It’s breeding! Ah! Run!”

Is it just my imagination or are these tweets slowly making less sense?

August 11th:  “Ppl who make things complicated so they seem superior have an egoic personality paradigm predicated on an external rewards structure.”

On a completely different note, is it Shark Week on Twitter too?

August 11th:  “Nanoo nanoo Mr Williams. Nanoo nanoo… Truly sad.”

And now Lauren Bacall.  Dammit.

August 11th:  “Great piece from Paul Tompkins on Robin Williams, being a weirdo and depression: “ .””

Aw, that’s nice.  Not sure how that makes him a weirdo.

21 minutes ago:  “Global warming, Ebola, Gaza, Robin Williams, Ferguson shooting… Can we all just watch reruns of the Monkees and drink limeade?”

Dude!  Don’t bring us down.  Quick, watch this.

Okay, let’s rate Adam’s tweets.  I would give him a 9 for Mustness, a 9 for Style and a 10 for Insanity.  That’s an overall score of 9.3.  One of the highest in a while.  You gotta follow Adam.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

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Aug11

Ten Things I Learned Watching Adult Swim

by tonyd on August 11, 2014 at 12:01 am

SF Tony Avatar

1.  Hipsters make pretty deranged live action shows.

2.  You can drop the N-Bomb all day long in a cartoon, but can’t say “fuck” without getting bleeped.

3.  You can watch the entire run of American Dad in about a month in a half.

4.  Superjail makes me want to smoke pot.

5.  For every awesome show on AS, there are three that make no fucking sense.

6.  The first season of Family Guy isn’t so watchable the 9th or 10th time.

7.  AS bumps are impossible to read on an old TV.

8.  The Venture Brothers is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.

9.  Eric Andre is probably an escaped mental patient.

10.  Aqua Teen Hunger Force has a budget of like, three sandwiches and a Coke.

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Aug10

Your Fratoscope: August 10, 2014

by tonyd on August 10, 2014 at 1:18 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  Watch out for the possums in your yard, they just been pretending not to plot against you up until now.

Aries:  You will create a new restaurant called “Just Frosting” and make millions tripling the cases of diabetes in your region.

Taurus:  You will pay a lot of money for a movie and food and realize you could’ve gotten a better experience and better food at home for half the price.

Gemini:  Remember the Alamo!  Because it’s the answer to number 14.

Lemini:  A leprechaun agrees to grant you three wishes, but only if you allow him to make sweet love to you in the highway rest stop bathroom.  Turns out, he was lying about being a leprechaun, so his wish-capabilities are severely limited.

Cancer:  You will put your vacation to East Africa on permanent hold.

Leo:  You’ll chew some gum, watch some TV and get a phone call:  hands down, it will be your most exciting week this year.

Virgo:  The spirit of Elvis will appear to you and ask you to make him a sandwich.

Libra:  You’ll realize that your best friend is a raccoon and that he hasn’t returned your car in a week.

Scorpio:  You will sue a porn site after they post a sex tape of you under “amateur” insisting to the judge that you’re no amateur when it comes to banging on camera.

Sagittarius:  You’ll finally remember to return that Blockbuster video you rented.

Capricorn:  Your directions suck, but it shouldn’t stop you from giving them when people ask.

Aquarius:  This week, you’ll collect an inordinate amount of change and triple you visits to wishing wells.

Pisces:  Get ready for a rocking week!  A localized meteor shower is about to hit your house!

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