Jan07

Twitter in Focus: Dan Levy

by tonyd on January 7, 2015 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is comedian, Dan Levy, let’s see what he’s tweeting.

@danlevy

December 22nd:  “Whoever does packaging for kids toys does not have kids.”

I don’t think they intend anyone to open them at all.

December 23rd:  “My parents are set in their way.”

What?  You mean like every other person over the age of 40?  Outrageous!

December 24th:  “Lost another chapstick.”

Now what will you leave for Santa?

December 24th:  “I wanna watch a show on HGTV about how the couples on HGTV got together.”

It’s amazing that there’s a whole channel dedicated to making me not watch it.

December 26th:  “Looking forward to seeing how many times I lose my wallet in 2015.”

Chapstick and now wallets?  You gotta get an intern, Dan.

December 28th:  “Just accidentally dropped the soap in the shower and laughed hysterically.”

If you did that in prison, you’d have a whole roomful of dudes laughing.

December 29th:  “Just saw a commercial for Wheel of Fortune incase we weren’t aware of Wheel of Fortune.”

Wheel of what?

December 29th:  “Not a lot of people talking about mapquest anymore.”

Exactly.  Thanks Obama!

December 31st:  “NYE and Halloween are the same thing. I get stressed out about what to do, end up eating too much candy, and dressing up as Rachel Maddow.”

Yes, but at least you’re drunk.

December 31st:  “2015 is gonna be my year! (That I finally find a parking spot at Trader Joes.)”

Sadly, more Prius and Teslas have been sold.  It will actually be harder in 2015 to out drive those hippies.

January 5th:  “Hang in there. Only a few more days of saying “happy new year!” and / or “how was your break?””

The key is, never talk to anyone.

January 5th:  “I will stop everything to click on a “where are they now” actor thingy.”

And that’s why that credit score company won’t leave you alone.

Okay, let’s rate Dan’s tweets.  Minimum plugs, tons of material—  Not bad.  I give him a 7 for Style, a 8 for Mustness and a 8 for Insanity.  That’s an overall score of 7.6.  Follow Dan.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

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Jan05

Frat Boy At the Movies: The Theory of Everything

by tonyd on January 5, 2015 at 12:01 am

FratBoyATtheMovies

Based after the life of Dr. Stephen Hawking, The Theory of Everything is a love story and bio pic about the life of Stephen and his first wife, Jane.

I have to be honest and say, I wasn’t really there to see this movie.  I wanted to see Inherent Vice, but some website got the date and times wrong.  (Not saying who, but it rhymes with Bandango.)  Anyhow, the Missus wanted to see this and the time was close to what we wanted so I figured, what the Hell.  It’s a fairly entertaining flick and I normally hate bio pics.  I mostly dislike them because there are no surprises and the melodrama feels very strained to me.  Of course, when you’re packing in a lot of events in a person’s life, things have to move forward.

The most fun is early on, during his college days.  Then, of course, he gets a diagnosis and his future wife is determined to see him live beyond the two years the doctors give Hawking.  For a scientist, that dude is horny as Hell.  Probably the most amazing part is when he leaves his wife for a nurse, who is portrayed as kind of a star fucker.

Anyhow, it’s not my cup of tea, but despite that, the movie is pretty tolerable.  It’s paced well and the melodrama doesn’t overwhelm the film.  It tends to focus more on Jane Hawking than Stephen, but it’s still a fairly interesting portrait of an important figure.  Director, James Marsh, and Screenwriter, Anthony McCarten, do a very solid job of making it a good film.  It definitely humanizes him in a good way.  Although, reading the Wikipedia entry, he is a little more rough around the edges.  If you’re looking for a date movie, you could do a lot worse, bros.

I give The Theory of Everything 7 out of 10 keggers.

kegkegkegkegkegkegkeg

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Jan04

Your Fratoscope: January 4, 2015

by tonyd on January 4, 2015 at 12:01 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  Drunk New Year’s Eve you drinks all the liquor in the house, so Birthday you spends his birthday sober…again.

Aries:  You will discover that your life has just been a very intense internship up to this point.

Taurus:  You will break your New Year’s Resolution and eat a bucket of chum.

Gemini:  Your recreation of the Times Square ball drop finally drops, ruining it’s falsetto singing voice.

Lemini:  The stars say, 2015 will finally be your year to shine, mostly because you’ll be involved in a terrible shellacking accident.

Cancer:  Stop adding nuts to you cookies, Cancer.  No one likes them.

Leo:  You will dance like no one’s watching, but it ends up on YouTube anyway.

Virgo:  You need an Altoid the size of a Frisbee to overcome your current breath.

Libra:  You will wake up in an open field in Kentucky after spending New Year’s in Times Square.

Scorpio:  You will break your New Year’s resolution and have sex with the mailman to get free stamps.

Sagittarius:  You will wake up in the middle of Times Square after spending New Year’s in an open field in Kentucky.

Capricorn:  Your house will be infested by gay cockroaches who reupholster furniture in much better colors.

Aquarius:  Your porn video is popular, but only because it ends up on the Fail Army channel.

Pisces:  You will recover from your vacation, but it may not be enough and you probably need another vacation.

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Jan03

Ten Things I Expect McDonald’s to Do to Hold Onto Customers

by tonyd on January 3, 2015 at 12:01 am

SF Tony Avatar

I used to eat at McDonald’s all the time.  Now Mickey Dee’s wants us back.  Here’s ten ways I think they’ll try to lure us fat fucks back in.

1.  Deep fry all McDonald’s furniture.

2.  Force the Hamburglar to make restitution to all his previous victims.

3.  Introduce the new “Nicotine-Wich”

4.  Replace McDonald’s Playgrounds with McDonald’s Crossfit Training Centers

5.  Print a picture of a naked lady inside the bottom of every Big Mac box.

6.  Shamrock Shakes every day!

7.  On-site defibrillators available to all customers for free.

8.  Run drive-thru special where customers get to fill their trunks with fries.

9.  Three words:  Chicken McNugget Launcher

10.  Sexy new Grimace!

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