Jul31

Rewritten Headlines: Cobra to Salma Hayek

by tonyd on July 31, 2015 at 12:01 am

RewrittenNewsDeskWerewolf

Worst Apartment Showing Ever

Apparently, Everyone Hates Spammers

Receipt Manufacturer Sells Drugs Too

Anonymous Can Now Arm Itself

Comet Probe Finds Beer, Internet Porn and Pizza

Futuristic Weapon Loses Job

Pentagon Planning to Kill People in Any Weather

DEA Boss Still Too Stupid for Position

Plantaphile Caught

Hot Chick Says Something, But You Just Stare At Her Tits

└ Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Comments Off on Rewritten Headlines: Cobra to Salma Hayek
Jul29

Twitter in Focus: Terry Gilliam

by tonyd on July 29, 2015 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is Terry Gilliam!  He’s a funny director, a funny Python—  Let’s see what he’s tweeting.

@TerryGilliam

June 15th:  “Cute dogs are sweeping Instagram, so here’s mine. Hopefully, someone will sweep up after it. ”

Aw, nuts the pod people are back.

June 16th:  “”The family that builds dad’s abs together, stays together.” Victorian workout advice. ”

That’s crazy.  That machine will do nothing for his humors!

June 17th:  “You put your dog on Facebook and the next minute they are doing selfies with celebrity dogs. Caution: Tuna Melts… ”

Terry is now working in the new medium of photoshop.

June 18th:  “CELEBRITY DOG WITH IRRITATINGLY CUTE OVERBITE DISCOVERS GIANTS!!! “Tuna” discovers Indian shop that proves giants… ”

That dentist should charge by the tooth.

June 21st:  “Today is Father’s Day and the Summer Solstice. To celebrate both, this man aspires to be The Longest Dad of the… ”

Burt Reynolds stars as the only dad in a town of dwarves!

June 25th:  “Warning All Egotists: Constantly beating your own drum can damage your health! Especially if you are thin-skinned. ”

I dunno.  Worked for me so far.

June 26th:  “Amazon’s early attempts at next-day rocket-powered deliveries to safari parks proved less successful than hoped for. ”

That’s crazy.  You can’t delivery raw chicken.

June 29th:  “Amazon’s 2nd delivery attempt proved more accurate; and very popular with the customers. ”

Wow, you have gotten great at photoshop.

July 2nd:  “Another painting by the talented Michael Forbes called Freedom for All, created to celebrate gay marriage… ”

Weird.  Doesn’t look like a painting.

July 3rd: “Here’s a little non-devisive, non-political something to let everyone cool off with. Just strap on and chill out. ”

Yeah, right!  That’s clearly a Communist!

July 6th:  “Thanks everyone, it’s been a good, relatively clean fight. Some solid punches landed and not too many below the… ”

Is that Andre the Giant?

July 26th:  “Having survived the Italian heat and my secret life as an Umbrian hermit, I’ve returned to London and my… ”

Lookin’ good!

16 hours ago:  “Some of you think I looked “disgruntled”. Well, there was a point in the scalping where I definitely felt… ”

You look like the rejected character from Mortal Kombat.

Okay, let’s rate Terry’s tweets.  Fun stuff.  He’s cranking out the photoshop.  I give him an 8 for Style, an 8 for Mustness and a 10 for Insanity.  That’s an overall score of 8.6.  Follow Terry.  And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

 

 

└ Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
Comments Off on Twitter in Focus: Terry Gilliam
Jul27

Ten Reasons Why Aqua Teen Hunger Force Shouldn’t Be Canceled

by tonyd on July 27, 2015 at 12:01 am

SF Tony Avatar

1. Stoners need something to watch.

2.  Television needs a TV show that makes absolutely no sense.

3. Carl is too gross for any other cartoon.

4.  Dana Snyder needs a TV show where he gets to yell at people.

5.  It costs less than $40 to make an episode.

6.  The ATHF Movie needs a sequel.

7.  The ATHF video game needs a sequel.

8.  Squidbillies is still on.

9.  It’s only fifteen minutes, so it’s really only half way to syndication.

10. It’s the most realistic show set in Southern New Jersey.

└ Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Comments Off on Ten Reasons Why Aqua Teen Hunger Force Shouldn’t Be Canceled
Jul26

Your Fratoscope: July 26, 2015

by tonyd on July 26, 2015 at 12:01 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  It’s your birthday, so take the week off.  Your boss is going to fire you anyway.

Aries:  You will greet the morning with a pan flute song because Zamfir broke into your house.

Taurus:  You’ll punch an ostrich today because someone today you it’s “National Punch an Ostrich Day”, but it turns out that holiday isn’t until the winter.

Gemini:  You’ll deal off the bottom of the deck in your Uno game.

Lemini:  You’ll eat some exotic spices but really won’t enjoy them until they come out.

Cancer:  The stars say, your fake mustache will not fool the border patrol because you’re wearing a dress.

Leo:  Your feet will smell like Fritos this week.

Virgo:  The ghost of Thomas Jefferson demands to know why you don’t use two dollar bills.

Scorpio:  You’ll bang the mini-mart clerk, but still won’t get a discount on Slurpees.

Sagittarius:  You’ll be hit in the face by an errant Frisbee.

Capricorn:  You’ll exceed your personal best for the number of times you pee your pants this week.

Aquarius:  You have the gift.  Unfortunately, it’s to predict farts in other people.

Pisces:  You’ll eat some alligator.  It’ll taste like beefy shrimp.

└ Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Comments Off on Your Fratoscope: July 26, 2015