Nov04

Rewritten Headlines: Death Fart to Comrade Segal

by tonyd on November 4, 2016 at 12:01 am

RewrittenNewsDeskWerewolf

Silent But Very Deadly

Politician to Explore Self Pardoning Legislation

Delicious Animals Begging to be Killed and Eaten

Hell Freezes Over

People Way Into Pot

Americans Mysteriously Can’t Sleep

Bigfoot Man on Campus

White House to Get Slot Machines

K is for Knife, Which is Good Enough for Me

We’re All Gonna Die

Fat Guy Moves to Russia

 

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Nov01

Twitter in Focus: Karl Urban

by tonyd on November 1, 2016 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is Judge Dredd and Bones, Karl Urban.  Let’s see what he’s tweeting.

September 8th:  “Happy 50th Star Trek !! Congratulations and Thanks   *“

It’s amazing the original show didn’t last.  So good.

September 10th:  “Big thanks to Rhys and friends !we had such a blast !! Show was absolutely BRILLIANT”

I can imagine.  Rhys was pretty brilliant on Flight of the Concords.

September 11th:  “Love this hat ! It was made by a good friend out of Portland Oregon”

Was it that hat in the next pic?

September 12th:  “Art ?”

That is a nice hat.

September 26th:  “”Bragadosious””

Seems like a non-sequitur, but okay.

September 28th:  “Congratulations to the Galaxy’s Greatest !! 2000AD releases its 2000th issue ”

Oh, man, we need another Judge Dredd movie.  Dredd vs. Batman was a great comic.

September 29th:  “That’s a wrap for Skurge !! Big Thanks and the amazing cast n crew , So much Fun !”

Oh, you’re playing Skurge.  I gotta get caught up on the Thor movies.

October 7th:  “Dylan’s about to hit this”

Seeing Dylan live.  Nice.

October 7th:  “Dylan nailed it !!!!! Bye ;) ”

Dylan in the desert.  I hope you had good drugs.

October 8th:  “Desert trip night 2”

Whoa, are you at a Burning Man?

October 9th:  “Neil young  Bye”

Oh, classic.  Wow.  What a show.

October 9th:  “The guy who opened for Neil young last night was amazing ”

John Cho opened for Neil Young?

October 11th:  “pic”

Nice.  Karl is so positive.  Not at all like Dredd or Bones.

October 21st:  “Dr Strange is BRILLIANT!!! Congratulations to scottderrickson , and the incredible cast , definitely going again !”

I definitely want to see this.  I keep expecting the Marvel movies to tank at some point, but they’ve really just keep exceeding expectations.

Okay, let’s rate Karl’s tweets.  Very positive.  I give him an 8 for Mustness, an 8 for Insanity and a 10 for Style. That’s an overall score of 8.6, but I will round up to 9 because he’s so positive.  Follow Karl.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

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Oct31

Ten Things I Expect From the Next WikiLeaks Secret Expose

by tonyd on October 31, 2016 at 12:01 am

SF Tony Avatar

Wikileaks is killing it on these Hillary emails.  Here now are the 10 Things I Expect from the next scandal.

  1.  Donald Trump’s tanning consultant leaks secrets about President Trump’s leathery hide.
  2. Bill Clinton cheating on Hillary during conjugal visits.
  3. Mark Zuckerberg can’t stop the Bing bar from popping up on his browser either.
  4.  The Walking Dead actually secretly being written by Eli Roth now.
  5.  Taco Bell meat will be revealed to be made from cockroaches that accidentally fall into the sauce.
  6. Caitlyn Jenner is actually two dwarves in costume and only one has had a sex change.
  7. Halloween is all a scam by the American Dental Association who also own M&M’s and Gillette Razor blades.
  8. The Saudi Arabian War on Yemen is actually just a reality show created by Raytheon.
  9. Julian Assange is actually a Muppet.
  10. Disney will produce 1400 Star Wars sequel or until the sun cools.
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Oct30

Your Halloween Fratoscope

by tonyd on October 30, 2016 at 12:01 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  You ask your friends not to show up in costume to your party, but they do it anyway.  You’re not the boss of them!

Aries:  You will get tricked on Halloween as the local kids tar and feather you for not giving out full sized candy bars.

Taurus:  One of the costumed people that comes to your doorstep will give you a treat, if you consider a subpoena a treat.

Gemini:  You will have nothing but dental floss in your candy bag, which is why you need to move out of Dentistville.

Lemini:  Your costume of a missing kid on a milk carton gets you kidnapped.

Cancer:  You will find one of Donald Trump’s spare toupees on the side of the highway.

Leo:  You’ll lose a pissing contest to a Great Dane.

Virgo:  The stars say, stop pretending you’re not at home just because you don’t want to give out candy, dick.

Libra:  Your invisible costume gets flagged at the church costume party.

Scorpio:  You will discover that offering everyone that comes to your door a handjob on Halloween is a quick way to get a line down your driveway.

Sagittarius:  Your candy is so bad, kids will return it at the end of the night rather than let it touch the good stuff.

Capricorn:  Your homemade pits with bamboo spikes at the bottom, may have been appropriate for Vietnam, but not Halloween lawn decoration.

Aquarius:  You will lose your Sexy Spongebob No-Pants costume in a poker game, but perhaps that’s for the best.

Pisces:  By pretending you have the flu, you greatly increase the amount of candy left behind by Trick or Treaters.

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