Jan20

Rewritten Headlines: Gross VR to Animal Farts

by tonyd on January 20, 2017 at 12:01 am

VR About to Get Gross

Awesome Video Game Might Get Boobies

Incredibly Loud and Obnoxious Wax Figure Built

Parenting Skills Questioned

Apparently Someone Wants Gas Station Pizza

Bonus Item Unappreciated

Terrible Yelp Reviews to Follow

Scaly Hitchhiker Accommodated

Parents Scar Kids

Scientist Ask Animals If They Can Pull Their Finger

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Jan18

Twitter in Focus: Marlon Wayans

by tonyd on January 18, 2017 at 12:36 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is from one of the first families of comedy, the Wayans!  It’s Marlon Wayans!  Let’s see what he’s tweeting!

@MarlonWayans

January 14th:  “On our worst days we still find a way to make each other laugh. Thankful for my brothers from… ”

Always remember the fam, bros.

January 15th:  “Growing up my favorite wrestler was JIMMY SUPERFLY SNUKA. If only knew how many times I jumped… ”

I know, right?  Can’t believe he’s gone. 

January 15th: “Hey how The cowboys doing? U good?”

Eh.  I’ve also subscribed to Jerry Seinfeld’s take.  It’s just people rooting for uniforms.

January 15th:  “Happy birthday Dr. King you did soooo much. I hope we continue to march in the same way towards… ”

That’s a nice pic of him.  Never saw that one.

January 15th:  “after allllll the SHIT TALKING I heard from and and all the other… ”

Man, that must’ve been some game.

January 15th:  “I used to… let’s see where this takes me ”

Well, ya know, comedians.  Kinda have to.

January 16th:  ““We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive… ”

Good quote.  Too true.

January 16th: “This nigga makes me laugh  ”

So many sports.  I just think, look at all this stuff I don’t care about.

23 hours ago:  “On set in thought how can I make it even funnier nbcmarlon ”

Nice.  If only every sitcom actor did this.

Okay, let’s rate Marlon’s tweets.  I give him an 8 for Mustness, a 9 for Insanity and a 10 for Style.  That’s an overall score of 9, follow Marlon.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

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Jan16

Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies: 2017

by tonyd on January 16, 2017 at 12:01 am

Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies: 2017

written by Tony DiGerolamo, Copyright 2017

Going to the movies is now officially a luxury the average person has to question.  I mean, $12 a ticket, $8 for food—  That’s $20 a head for what?  And they show you commercials?  But besides the big price, WTF is even worth seeing?  Here now is Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies: 2017.

Split: No.  Characters that are crazy are a literary cop-out, but multiple personalities?  C’mon.  More isn’t always better.  Norman Bates had only one extra personality.

Resident Evil:  The Final Chapter:  I love zombie movies and even I won’t see this.  Well, on the bright side, it is the final chapter.

A Dog’s Purpose:  Dog movies?  What is this?  1953?  Pass.

Rings:  Not everything is a franchise.  I mean, just because something is visually distinct doesn’t mean the story can continue.  How many times can they do this?  Not a chance I pay for this.

Fifty Shades Darker:  No.

The Great Wall:  Why is Matt Damon in this movie?  What is it with movies starring white guys going to another culture and showing everyone in the other culture how to kick ass?  Last Samurai?  Tarzan?  Anyone?  They should replace Matt Damon in this movie with the puppet of Matt Damon from Team America.

Patient Zero:  Again, zombie fan here, but they are beating this genre to death.  Plus I sense it’s another zombie movie that downplays the zombies.  No thanks.

Everybody Loves Somebody:  Huh?  What?  Oh, sorry, fell asleep half way through that title.  Pass.

Rock Dog:  Seriously?  Are people even trying at this point?  Do they think kids are all brain damaged?  This looks like Poochie the Movie!

Okay, I’m going back to look at something on Netflix.  At least those horrible movies are cheap.

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Jan15

Your Fratoscope: January 15, 2017

by tonyd on January 15, 2017 at 2:16 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  You’ll have the wrong number of birthday candles on your cake, because there is no cake and zero is a wrong number.

Aries:  You will meet the shoe repairman of an old friend in a humidor.

Taurus:  You will buy a donut from a sticky fingered clerk, but his fingers aren’t sticky from donuts.  Just FYI.

Gemini:  The Russian dossier in the news is totally fake, which is good for you because no one’s found out about your shit eating fetish yet.

Lemini:  The stars say, you might want to ease up on the mayonnaise, three jars a day is a little much.

Cancer:  Your attempt to train impersonators fails, as you’re not famous.

Leo:  Your sweater will be mocked by school children until you force their bus off the road.

Virgo:  You will be haunted by a can of Classic Coke you drank in 2006.

Libra:  Your regular drug dealer breaks up with you and leaves you for a young, hotter customer.

Scorpio:  You will be molested by a pack of adorable puppies.

Sagittarius:  Although you try to argue with them, the debate kicks you out anyway.

Capricorn:  The Amish will build a barn around your house.

Aquarius:  You will go 72 hours without thinking about Donald Trump and it will be a relaxing three days.

Pisces:  Your attempt to invent a new ice cream flavor ends in diabetes.

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