So just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in. The Summer of Suck has moved to destroy Winter. Hollywood’s last gasp is here folks and here now is Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies.
Kingsman: The Golden Circle: There are not many movies that can make me look at scenes of violence and make say, “God, that’s sickening”. But the first installment of this movie did that in a famous scene in which Colin Firth takes out a church full of racist southerners. He’s back in the sequel somehow and I wouldn’t give these filmmakers one red cent of my money. I would even refuse to watch this on cable.
Tyler Perry Something, Something: How is this still happening? Who’s seeing this? Not me.
LBJ: AKA: Woody Harrelson wants an Oscar. I’m sure he’ll be good, but I’m not seeing it with preachy Rob Reiner directing. Not thanks, Meathead.
Murder on the Orient Express: When they remake movies, they should put the words “again” at the end of the title. “Murder on the Orient Express Again”. I’ll maybe watch this on A&E fives years from now.
Justice League: I might go see this so I can complain about it, but there’s a more than better chance DC will just continue to fall off the balance beam as superhero movies move to “jump the shark” status.
Polaroid: Sounds like a remake of a Twilight Zone episode. Why do in 90 minutes that someone did in less than thirty 40 years ago?
The Star: Religious cartoon for kids? Pass.
Just Getting Started: AKA: Old people make a movie. This’ll be on CBS inside of year.
I, Tonya: Other than possibly seeing Margot Robbie topless is there any reason to see this? Are we just recycling 20 year-old news now?
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle: No! No-no-no-no-no-no! Stop! Enough Dwayne Johnson. Stop. Making a sequel to a movie Robin Williams couldn’t make work? Oh, yeah, I’m sure the Rock has WAY better comedy chops than Robin Williams. Yeah, that makes sense. His muscles will be a HUGE advantage I’m sure.
Pitch Perfect 3: No.
The Post: I suspect this will be a self-serving piece of movie making that attempts to rebuild the reputation of the New York Times and Washington Post in film. Good luck with that.
It’s been exhausting just making this list, I can’t imagine actually going to see these films. Well, back to watching Rick & Morty reruns.
