Oct27

Rewritten Headlines: Sickness Machine to Stretchy Terrorists

by tonyd on October 27, 2017 at 12:01 am

Food Poisoning Streamlined

Italians Still Good at Directions

Man in a Hurry to Get to Orgy

Candy Store and Receipt Giant to Buy Other Company

Man Gives Up Greatest Porn Career Ever

Being PC Jumps the Shark

Cow Pushed Too Far

Cops Have No Other Crime to Fight Apparently

Pie Improved

Man to Join Justice League Soon

ISIS Very Limber

└ Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Comments Off on Rewritten Headlines: Sickness Machine to Stretchy Terrorists
Oct25

Twitter in Focus: Eli Roth

by tonyd on October 25, 2017 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is Eli Roth!  Let’s see what scary things he’s tweeting!

@eliroth

September 6th:  “Right back at you. So proud of the whole team!”

I hope this channel goes big.  Might finally get SyFy to stop Piranha and Anaconda movies.

September 10th:  “Did you compare palmes?”

Lots of film geek stuff on this Twitter feed.

September 10th:  “. Bloody brilliant. I don’t know how you got a time machine to 1989 but you all nailed it. Genius ”

Praise from a horror dude is high praise indeed.

September 15th:  “No better way to celebrate!! Happy birthday!!”

That’s a screenwriter’s birthday right there.

September 19th:  “Literally no one on the planet happier than me that you were born. Feliz cumpleaños … ”

Aw, nice.

September 20th:  “Redemption is the best medicine. ”

Nice!  Can’t go wrong with a revenge movie.

October 1st:  “Dog day afternoon. @ Atlanta Beltline Eastside Trail ”

My dog’s that way too.  Too much walking and I’m carrying her half the way.

Okay, let’s rate Eli’s tweets.  Lots of film stuff, which I like.  I’m kinda psyched about the Bruce Willis Death Wish movie.  Hope it does well and I hope Jeff Goldblum has a cameo.  I give Eli a 6 for Mustness an 8 for Insanity and a 9 for Style.  That’s an overall score of 7.6.  Follow Eli.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

 

└ Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Comments Off on Twitter in Focus: Eli Roth
Oct23

Ten Things I’d Rather Do Than Get a Colonoscopy

by tonyd on October 23, 2017 at 1:01 am

You’re really, really in for a “treat” when you have to get one.  Hands down the biggest horror of Halloween.

  1.  Binge watch the entire run of the Big Bang Theory.
  2.  Listen to someone explain to me why Blade Runner 2049 is a good movie.
  3.  Scrape fingernails across a chalkboard for an hour.
  4.  Walk my dog through a hurricane.
  5.  Fart uncontrollably while waiting in line at the deli.
  6.  Explain to the Starbucks barista why I’ve been bringing back the cup to get free iced tea refills for the last six months.
  7.  Listen to someone explain why they think Game of Thrones is just as good now as the first season.
  8.  Listen to someone tell me about their D&D character.
  9.  Attempt to fix my fuel pump, which I have no idea how to do, while slowly making my car less and less driveable.
  10.  Pretty much anything.
└ Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Comments Off on Ten Things I’d Rather Do Than Get a Colonoscopy
Oct22

Your Fratoscope: October 22, 2017

by tonyd on October 22, 2017 at 2:42 am

FratoScopeHeader

If your birthday is this week:  The Rock comes by to be in your home movies at your birthday party because he literally wants to be in EVERY movie.

Aries:  You’ll find some loose change in your underwear again.

Taurus:  Donald Trump will challenge you to a fist fight, then send his Secret Service agents to beat the crap out of you.

Gemini:  You’ll be called a white supremacist because you use mayo on your hamburger.

Lemini:  You’ll realize that your best years are behind you, but that’s okay, your best wasn’t even that good.

Cancer:  The warranty on your sex doll will end and she’ll attempt to sue you.

Leo:  The Starbucks barista will refer to you as “Stinky” and laugh uproariously.

Virgo: You’ll realize the bubblegum you’ve been chewing is actually very old pudding.

Libra:  This week, your SO tells you to get your shit together and poop in just ONE place in the apartment.

Scorpio:  You need a break from reading the Internet, but don’t worry, they still sell paper porn somewhere.

Sagittarius:  The stars say, wearing a bathrobe made from bees is relaxing until you try and sit down.

Capricorn:  The doctor will assure you the voices from the puppets aren’t real, but his bills are.

Aquarius:  Your pizza will arrive in the wrong shape.

Pisces:  Prep for your colonoscopy will be fun, if shitting all day is fun for you.

└ Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Comments Off on Your Fratoscope: October 22, 2017