Nov18

Ten Things I’d Like to See if the World Ends This Weekend

by tonyd on November 18, 2017 at 1:03 am

Turns out, the world may be hit by a rogue planet this weekend.  So plan accordingly.  I’ll be at a comic book signing on Saturday at Noon.  Here’s what I’d like to see happen at the end of it all.

  1.  George R.R. Martin finally comes out and says it, Game of Thrones hasn’t been good since they pruned out all the violence and nudity.
  2.  The NFL, MBA and all major league sports finally admit that every game has been fixed since the beginning.
  3.  Las Vegas announces its been cheating the entire time and that’s why you never win.
  4.  The guys that make “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” admit their product is full of butter.
  5.  Scientists admit that they knew everything causes cancer back in 1949, but were afraid to tell anyone.
  6.  The richest people in the world finally admit that they did everything they could to control the world and stay rich at everyone else’s expense.
  7.  Television standards are completely removed and every season finale now ends with a group orgy of all the main characters and then they all die.
  8.  Everyone that comments on YouTube admits that they are all fat virgins that live in their parents’ basements and that they’re miserable human beings.
  9.  Donald Trump admits that he ran for president as a joke and it just went too far.
  10.  For a brief, shining moment until we are plunged back into the Stone Age, people are exceedingly honest and tell everyone else exactly where they stand and what they think of them.  (Except me, I escape the disaster in a hydrofoil.)
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Nov17

Rewritten Headlines: Drunk Time Traveler to Recycled Boat

by tonyd on November 17, 2017 at 12:01 am

Kyle Reese Has a Problem

Waffle House Serving Real Meat

Dumbo Has a Great Lawyer

Monsters Returning

Irony Happens

Hipster Rat Found

Voice Mail Sent

Woman Really in Hurry

Nothing Sacred Anymore

Kramer Finds His Car

Artist to Build Gross Boat

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Nov15

Twitter in Focus: Cookie Monster

by tonyd on November 15, 2017 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die!  Today’s contestant is Cookie Monster!  He’s the only celebrity left that isn’t beating Twitter over the head with his politics.  Let’s talk about my favorite subject—  COOKIE!

@MeCookieMonster

October 24th:  “Oh boy oh boy oh boy!!! It ! Me think me going to stick with me favorite to celebrate… COOOKIES!!!!”

Wise words.  Wise words from a wise monster.

October 25th:  “Cookies Cookies and more Cookies! ”

Only to be surpassed by “Cookie-cookie-cookie-cookie-cookie!”

October 25th:  “Me cannot pick me costume for Halloween! Should me be one cookie or a few cookies?”

One giant cookie.  I can imagine more of you.

October 27th:  “Oh boy oh boy oh boy! Me no can wait till Thanksgiving!”

And a turkey stuffed with cookies?  Genius!

November 2nd:  “Oh boy oh boy oh boy!!! It me BIRTHDAY!!!! Me can’t wait for birthday COOKIES!”

Exactly what I said on mine.  Get out of my head!

November 2nd:  “Dat look delicious! ”

C is for Cookie, but D is for Diabetes if you eat too many of them!

November 2nd:  “it me birthday and me crunch if me want to!”

I sometimes like the soft ones.  Can’t be too crunchy.  Those are stale.

November 6th:  “Me no understand why people having trouble with phones. “Me” not autocorrect to anything!”

That’s the great thing about being a monster.  Who is going to correct your grammar?  Certainly not a man made of cookies, that’s for sure.

November 7th:  “Me had so much fun on ! Me CHEWED lots of cookies! Get It?”

I actually saw that episode.  You’re the most life-like puppet on the show!

5 hours ago:  “Me can totally eat 30 cookies in under 30 minutes! ”

In fairness, a full 1/4 of the cookies end up in flying pieces in the immediate vicinity.

Okay, let’s rate Cookie Monster.  I have to give him a perfect score across the board: 10 for Style, Insanity and Mustness.  In this day and age, it’s nice to follow someone that’s just about the cookies!

And if you have a suggestion for TIF, email me here.

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Nov13

Fat Guy Eats: Pancheros in Berlin, NJ

by tonyd on November 13, 2017 at 12:01 am

Restaurant:  Pancheros in Berlin, NJ

Address: 115 N Rt. 73, West Berlin, NJ 08091

Food:  Tacos and Burritos

Price:  Average

Portions:  Average

Taste:  Good

Service:  Good

Atmosphere:  Self-Serve Chain

Pancheros is the second rate Chipotle and it’s not bad.  I mean, it’s exactly the same as Chipotle, but they make the tortillas with a press.  The Pancheros in Berlin is locate near where the old Berlin Circle used to be.  The plaza that it’s in is in a weird spot on a curve.  If you’re heading north, you could speed right by it if you whip around the curve to fast.  If you’re heading south, good luck figuring out how to turn around on Rt. 73 in under 15 minutes.  And no, there is no back way there unless you live in the development behind the plaza, in which case you could cut through someone’s back yard to walk there.

The food is decent.  I went to this Pancheros because I knew it would be empty and quiet.  Just as advertised.  So if you want a decent, quiet lunch by yourself, you could do a lot worse.

I give it 8 out of 10 keggers.

kegkegkegkegkegkegkegkeg

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