I forget what website I was applying for, but I had to do a top ten movie/comic book thing. With the appropriate visuals, I thought it was just snarky enough.
10 Movies That Are Considered Comic Book Movies, But Aren’t
Written by Tony DiGerolamo
Copyright 2017
Comic books always got a bad rep in America. In Europe, it’s considered another art form, but in the States you’re some kind of idiot if you read anything with pictures. That attitude causes movie critics to refer to a bad, cartoonist movie as “too comic book” or “this is a comic book movie”, but not in the way fanboys talk with reverence about the Marvel movies. Here now are ten movies that critics somehow blame us fanboys for their badness.
1. Battlefield Earth, (2000): Based on the L. Ron Hubbard book of the same name, Battlefield Earth was a pet project of the Scientology crowd that was as about as exciting as attending an actual religious ceremony. It was the cavemen discovering 3000 year-old jets and being able to fly them that was particularly insulting to link to comics. Not even Rob Liefeld would’ve written that.
2. Highlander 2: The Quickening (1991): This abysmal sequel to the highly enjoyable first Highlander movie, ignored things like logic and physics. It felt like a cynical money grab that somehow managed not to derail an additional four sequels and a TV series. Just because it has swords and lightning, however, doesn’t mean it’s another Thor.
3. The Toxic Avenger (1984): Troma’s biggest hit got made into a comic book later, but didn’t start that way. When you make as many movies as Lloyd Kaufman one of them’s BOUND to make money eventually. Putting the word “avenger” in the title doesn’t make you Jack Kirby, however.
4. Darkman (1990): And just because you have “man” in the title and a cool look, doesn’t mean you’re a superhero. This better-than-average revenge flick is sort of like DC’s the Question, only more screwed up. It was not, however, a comic book until much later. Thanks Sam Rami. At least this wasn’t Drag Me to Hell.
5. Troll 2 (1990): Quite frankly, all the Troll movies belong on this list, but they don’t belong in a comic book store. It’s a movie that’s so bad, they had to make a documentary about it like it was a collapsed coal mine. Don’t blame Image for this one just because it has monsters. By comparison, Spawn actually makes a lot of sense.
6. Mac and Me (1998): An E.T. rip-off that went nowhere fast, this film was nowhere near Comic Con, thank God. While you might be able to pin Barbarella, Howard the Duck and Superman IV on comic book industry, you’ll just have to blame the usual greed and myopic Hollywood execs for this one.
7. Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2008): This film has the distinction for having worse special effects than what the average 13 year-old could post on YouTube using an iPad app. Fortunately, despite its comic book-y title, no one wasted pen and ink on this train wreck. It was strictly one of those hipsters producing it ironically, we think.
8. Sucker Punch (2011): A mishmash of whatever Zack Snyder drew in his 9th grade notebook during class, this movie looks good but lacks even the coherence of an issue of Ambush Bug. We all saw the signs, fanboys. If only we could use Dr. Doom’s time machine to stop him from ruining Batman vs. Superman, but alas, it’s too late. Fortunately, at least Stan Lee isn’t to blame.
9. Leprechaun: In the Hood (2000): Because nothing says horror like a little person with an Irish brogue and some black dudes getting high. Mr. Mxyzptlk this was not and you may not blame any of this on the Marvel Bull Pen.
10. Unbreakable (2000): Arguably the last decent movie before M. Night Shyamalan became totally incomprehensible, it was sorta, kinda meant to be a comic book universe. But it wasn’t based on a pre-existing comic book. Despite Night’s love of the genre, many of the more “superhero-y” scenes were cut. There was no comic book, unless you count the props from the movie.
