Super Frat

Today’s contestant is one of the few celebrities in Hollywood not trying to solve everything in politics through his Twitter account, Fozzie Bear! Let’s see what he’s tweeting!

@FozzieBear

January 21st: “How to deal with hecklers, Fozzie style: Bring your car keys onstage so you can make a quick getaway.”

And if they’re babies, you can just jingle them.

January 22nd: “I heard a fairytale villain lost his hair. Now he’s The Big BALD Wolf! Ahhhh! I’ll huff and I’ll puff and this joke will blow you away! #WockaWocka!”

Well, that joke blows, that’s for sure.

January 24th: “How’d the Australian chess player ask for his dinner bill? He said, “Check, mate.” Ahhhh! When it comes to chess jokes, I’m no ROOKie! #WockaWocka!”

You’re the king, Fozzie. Or at least a bishop.

January 24th: “Happy Birthday to my very funn-ee friend @kristenschaaled. #ManyHappyReturns! BTW: I got you a rubber chicken as a present. If you decide to re-gift, I’ll take it.”

I hope the rubber chicken had bunny ears.

January 25th: “What is every high-tech pirate’s must-have accessory? An iPatch! Ahhhh! Arrrr you laughing yet? #WockaWocka!”

And Apple charges $400 per patch. Outrageous!

January 26th: “Why did the pie break up with the ice cream? They had crust issues! Ahhhh! Hope this one is filling you with joy. #WockaWocka!”

Ouch. That one was painful.

January 27th: “What’s every ballerina’s favorite number? 22! Ahhhh! Get it? 22? Two-two… Tutu! #WockaWocka! (Sometimes explaining the gag DOES make it funnier!)”

I take it back, now THAT was painful.

January 28th: “What’s a lawyer’s favorite dessert? A sue-fflé! Boy, that one was brief. Ahhhh! Get it? Law? Brief? #WockaWocka!”

I’ll file this one under “nice try”. Not that I’m judging.

January 29th: “Great comics make their own coconut custard cream pies for the old pie-in-the-face gag. Audiences can always tell the homemade difference!”

Wait, are your pies real or puppet pies?

10 hours ago: “What water feature is always up to date on the latest news? A current! Ahhhh! Go on, let the laughter wash you away. #WockaWocka!”

You really hosed us with that one.

Okay, let’s rate Fozzie’s tweets. I give him a 7 for Style, a 9 for Mustness and a 9 for Insanity. That’s an overall score of 8.3, but I’m lowering it to 8 because I can bear-ly stand the puns! Ha!

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.

└ Tags: ballerina, comedian, comic, Fozzie Bear, jokes, lawyers, Muppet, pirates, puns, puppet, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo, tweet, Twitter, Twitter in Focus, water feature

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Jan29

Ira’s Drunken Recipes: Chicken Soup

by tonyd on January 29, 2018 at 12:01 am

Ingredients: Hot freshman chick, can of chicken soup, microwave, $17, one beer, your bro’s car, cold medicine

Step 1: Make out with hot freshman chick who sneezes alot at fraternity kegger.

Step 2: Wake up next day, realize she was sick and now you are too.

Step 3: Borrow bro’s car while he’s passed out from previous night’s kegger.

Step 4: Drive to store. Realize $17 is only enough for cold medicine and one can of soup. Buy both.

Step 5: Drive back to campus, take cold medicine.

Step 6: Uncan soup, forget you just took cold medicine and drink a beer.

Step 7: Put soup in microwave as you’re getting drowsy.

Step 8: Pass out on kitchen counter, wake up to smoke alarm.

Step 9: Realize you set the microwave to 300 minutes instead of three minutes, the kitchen is on fire and everyone is screaming.

Step 10: Get dragged outside frat house and checked by EMT’s.

Step 11: EMT’s tell you that you have a cold and should get soup and plenty of rest.

└ Tags: beer, bro's car, chicken soup, cold medicine, comedy, freshman chick, funny, humor, Ira's Drunken Recipes, make out, steps, Super Frat, Tony DiGerolamo

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Jan28

Your Fratoscope: January 28, 2018

by tonyd on January 28, 2018 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week: Your birthday posts will contain nothing but complaints about your sexually explicit party favors.

Aries: You’ll be touched by an angel and then later have to report him to the cops.

Taurus: Your monkey escapes again and this time, he steals your girlfriend.

Gemini: You will eat some pot brownies much to the anger of the cops that guard that evidence room.

Lemini: The stars say, stop whacking it under the skylight. The stars can’t unsee that.

Cancer: You learn that next time, you should cut off the skin and top of a pineapple before eating it.

Leo: You’re just one guitar lesson short of being that annoying guy that keeps playing Wonder Wall in the dorm.

Virgo: You’ll pick up a hitchhiker, but half way through the ride he’ll get scared and jump out of the car.

Libra: The green M&M is stalking you.

Scorpio: The guy at the drug store suggests you buy KY in bulk for savings.

Sagittarius: Facebook informs you that it can’t filter stupidity, so it asks you to stop posting.

Capricorn: You’ll get to the store too late, there are no more Tom Brady voodoo dolls left.

Aquarius: The cops will knock down your door because one of them has to go to the bathroom really bad.

Pisces: This week, you’ll be informed that vodka and cranberry juice doesn’t count as cold medicine.

└ Tags: angel, Aquarius, Aries, astrology, Cancer, Capricorn, comedy, facebook, funny, future, Gemini, green M&M, horoscope, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, party favors, Pisces, pot brownies, predictions, Sagittarius, Scorpio, signs, stars, Super Frat, Taurus, Tony DiGerolamo, Virgo, Your Fratoscope, zodiac

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Rewritten Headlines: Fleeing O.J. to A-hole Apu

Twitter in Focus: Fozzie Bear

Ira’s Drunken Recipes: Chicken Soup

Your Fratoscope: January 28, 2018

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