I am the ultimate spoiler because I ruin the movie for myself without even seeing it. Here now is Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies.
Ready Player One: I have no reason to dislike this movie. Just a gut feeling that it will be over sentimental and tone deaf when it comes to video gamers. Pass.
Tyler Perry’s Acrimony: You put Tyler Perry’s name ahead of anything and I’m not going. Pass.
Blockers: No. Hollywood seems to be going the way of comic book conventions. Now that comics don’t bring in the crowds, it’s time to go for wrestlers.
Truth or Dare: Lemme guess. Beautiful near-teens dying one by one? May have seen this one like a thousand times.
Overboard: Really? All the movies that had come out, you’re going to remake this? This wasn’t even good when Kurt Russel was in it.
Rampage: Are you fucking kidding me? I mean, this is really scraping the bottom of the barrel of video game concepts. There was barely a story in the game! Thankfully, they haven’t decided to make a Time Pilot movie and ruin that for me.
I Feel Pretty: At this point, how many times is Amy Schumer going to release a movie and then call me names for not seeing it? I don’t care if this movie is actually good, I’m out. I got Netflix, I don’t need this.
Life of the Party: AKA: Back to School for Chicks. Kind of hard to beat Rodney Dangerfield, especially since this is probably going to be incredibly PC. I’ll wait for the reviews, thanks.
Dark Crimes: AKA: Jim Carrey tries to reinvent his career. Still waiting for Fireman Bill the Movie.
Book Club: Diane Keaton, Jane Fonda, Candice Bergen and— No, thanks you. If I want to see a bunch of old women, I’ll search on the dating sites for women my age. Hi-yo!
