Rewritten Headlines: Star Wars Erection to Wizard of Oz Reenactment
on September 1, 2017 at 12:01 amStar Wars Geeks to Get Huge Erection
Beach Douchebags Not Really Douchebags
Mary Poppins Better Kick Some Ass
Star Wars Geeks to Get Huge Erection
Beach Douchebags Not Really Douchebags
Mary Poppins Better Kick Some Ass
Hey Bros!
Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die! Today’s contestant is Eliza Skinner, comedienne and writer for the Late Late Show. Let’s see what she’s tweeting.
August 28th: “Still don’t like speedy zombies.”
Yeah, what’s up with that? You muscles are literally rotting off your body. You’d be lucky not to fall over.
August 28th: “My GOT theories: White Walkers = climate change, Trump = the Night King, & we’re all spending our last moments watching relatives slow boink”
I don’t know. The Night King doesn’t seem like that much of a narcissist.
16 hours ago: “Wistful workwife in the wings.”
Oh, show business. So much hurry up and wait.
8 hours ago: “The nice thing about living at the top of a huge staircase is that sometimes people get tired & leave things here so yeah I own a piano now.”
Wouldn’t it be smarter to leave them at the bottom?
8 hours ago: “What’s the REAL monster – ageism, or a spider made of wet teeth?”
Depends. How old is the spider?
5 hours ago: “If I had a time machine I’d use it to right the wrongs of history, but I know I’d focus way too much on the songs chosen as lead singles.”
Yeah, but Dixie Midnight Runners need to be stopped.
5 hours ago: “When you realize that mints are candy.”
Muppets can express anything.
4 hours ago: “”I’m Free (Heaven Helps The Man)” is a better song than “Footloose.” Don’t @ me.”
Well, duh.
1 hour ago: “This show is tonight! Come out!”
UCB Theater. Can’t go wrong.
56 minutes ago: “Huh.”
They will, if they’re hungry enough.
Okay, let’s rate Eliza’s tweets. I give her a 7 for Insanity, an 8 for Style and a 10 for Mustness. That’s an overall score of 8.3 follow Eliza.
And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email me here.
This is sort of half rant, half review. Spoilers ahead about Game of Thrones. Seriously, I’m not holding back on a single spoiler, so if you haven’t seen the finale, you’ve been warned.
Okay, big fan of the show. This is not at all like my rants about the Walking Dead. For me, the first three seasons of this show are just amazing. Mind blowingly amazing. But one of the great things about the show and all the characters dying, it really gave you the sense that you didn’t know what would happen next.
Take the death of Geoffrey. First off, a great character despite being kinda done. Geoffrey added a whole new layer to psychopath and evil. On some level, you knew he was going to die. I mean, he was such a bastard, it was kind of inevitable. But there was a real sense that Geoffrey and the characters around him had plans that included him if he had lived. So when he dies, it really impacts the show.
Contrast that to tonight’s finale when Little Finger finally dies. It’s a seen dripping with exposition that only an omnipotent character like Bran Stark could even know. It’s too clean. Too wrapped up. Also, by this point, Little Finger’s presence was becoming tiresome. Early in the show, you got the impression this guy was 40 moves ahead, had tons of schemes going on and was often close to achieving them. Additionally, he had tons of people around him. This last season, it’s just Little Finger skulking about whispering into Sansa’s ear like he has nothing else to do. What happened to the Veil? Where are all his guys? Even at the brothel, he had a crew. Basically, he’s the only character in Winterfell to BLAME for evil shit happening. So it’s kind of no shock that he gets his comeuppance, even if the delivery was very clever. I mean, if they had actually killed Arya or split up the sisters, did you really think that was going to be resolved? Whose side would Sansa and Arya be on for the zombie fight?
Again, I’m not saying it was bad or unentertaining, it just was predictable. It’s like before, you had dozens of action figures moving around on a board. And you never know which one is important and which one is going to disappear. Now there’s like a dozen and the cheapest or least played toys always get the ax.
My second point, which I’ve probably raised before in other posts about the show, is that Game of Thrones has become incredibly PC. That isn’t to say that being non-PC by itself is a virtue, but this is a medieval society. Sure, you can have a few queens here and there. There’s good origins for the Mother of Dragons and Cersei, but Theon’s sister? C’mon. If there was ever a society that wasn’t going to drop its sexist ways it would’ve been the Iron Born. What needed to happen there was Theon sister cuts him a deal. He’ll be the king, but she’ll be the power behind the throne. And since Theon can’t get anyone pregnant anymore, Theon agrees to let her offspring eventually be king after he’s gone. To me, that’s a scenario the writers could’ve easily placed in the events without tipping them too far towards Theon and his brood.
Bottom line: the early episodes were shocking and couldn’t be shown anywhere but HBO. Now? This season could’ve probably been broadcast on regular TV save for a handful of scenes.
It’s the little details that the TV writers were taking from the novel that are current missing from the show. Don’t get me wrong, the current TV writers are pretty good, but on their own they’re missing that extra layer of logic. Here are a few things that fly in the face of logic:
When the guys go to capture a zombie, the zombie bear kills one of them. Wouldn’t he turn into a zombie? Could they have just taken him? Wasn’t that established early on that those killed rise up and become zombies?
Why is it when the crew finally get to a small group of zombies and one White Walker, all the zombies but on die because he raised them from the dead. But doesn’t that fly in the face of what’s been established? And how did he get to command just ONE zombie that he didn’t create? Seems a big convenient.
When Jon Snow and crew capture a zombie and get trapped on the island, the ice convenient breaks on the undead army. But this lake was in the arctic climate beyond the wall AND it’s now winter. When did the lake EVER thaw? Wouldn’t it be frozen solid all the way to the bottom?
And in the finale episode, guarding the wall is just foolish. If the army of the dead is coming, they’re just going to climb over the wall, right? I mean, that’s what the wall guys would be preparing for. But it is covered in ice and zombies aren’t exactly great climbers. It would make more sense to seal up the entrance and even just leave. Anyone left is going to be killed and added to the army. Better the entire army stay at Winterfell and plan a trap for the army they know is coming.
And what was the Night King’s plan without the dragon? Without the dragon, it seems that he would be hard pressed to get past the wall. I mean, the events only seem to come together because of previous events that no one could’ve seen happening.
Finally, the transitions are just too fast. See the scenario I just described could’ve worked if there had been some appreciable passage of time shown. Now I say “shown” as in a few dissolves. I don’t know why, but GoT has abandoned dissolves. That would’ve solved the problem of the show suddenly having a breakneck pace. It’s basically a different show with new pacing. Even Arya’s sudden Goth girl attitude change could’ve been explained.
What I’d like to see is the show from season 1 have an ending. I predict it would’ve been everyone dying. Jon Snow comes extremely close to killing Cersei, but in the end is undone by his own nobility like his dad. Cersei wins, but rules over ashes. Everyone dies spectacularly! Fans would be pissed, but they would talk about it for years to come.
But unlike the Sopranos, which to me, became unwatchable toward the end, I’m sticking with Game of Thrones. Looking forward to next season, even if it’s become fairly predictable, happy and PC.
If your birthday is this week: You’ll never guess what your friends got you for your birthday, because you don’t have any.
Aries: You’ll wake up with a werewolf mask and a tutu from the last night’s party.
Taurus: You will receive an invitation to go dumpster diving from an extremely fancy hobo.
Gemini: You’ll be followed around a band that keeps playing ominous music.
Lemini: This week, you’ll be feasting on some entrails, whose they are is anyone’s guess.
Cancer: Don’t think twice about decisions today, you’re too stupid to make the right choice and you’re just wasting everyone’s time.
Leo: A woman in line at the supermarket will flash you her boobs and then tell you about her great grandchildren.
Virgo: Someone will buy you some birthday Sangria and you’ll be shocked it comes in an oil drum.
Libra: You’ll eat too much of Caesar’s Salad, leaving Caesar no choice but to insist you pay more of the check.
Scorpio: You will dress up your genitals as the Joker.
Sagittarius: Your old Chinese food in the fridge is so old, it throws itself out.
Capricorn: You will be attacked by several mime ninjas. Fortunately, a mime samurai saves your life.
Aquarius: You’ll discover that doing caricatures in the Mall on spec won’t get you a job doing them.
Pisces: Bringing Ziploc bags to the barbecue turns out to be an awesome idea, allowing you to bring several extra hamburgers home.
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