If your birthday is this week:  Everyone shows up to your birthday party cosplaying a sexier version of you.

Aries:  For old time’s sake, your mother throws away your comic book collection again.

Taurus:  The food truck outside the con refuses to serve you until you unfollow James Gunn.

Gemini:  You’ll attend a Marvel panel called “Why Everyone is too Misogynist for Marvel” and get blamed for Marvel’s low selling comics.

Lemini:  You are not surprised to walk into the Comic Con bathroom and find Brian Bendis shitting on a Superman standee.

Cancer:  A mixed up time traveler from the past will stop you on the con floor and insist that the future is pogs.

Leo:  The toy dealer insists that he can tell when an action figure has been up a celebrity’s rectum and yours clearly has not.

Virgo:  The cast of some movie will take you to lunch if you promise to see their movie, you lie and agree to do so.

Libra:  You’ll discover George Lucas in a room all alone quietly sobbing and eating Jar-Jar Binks cereal.

Scorpio:  Due to a mix up, you’ll find yourself on all fours at the D list celebrity orgy.

Sagittarius:  They’ll be a mugging out in the parking lot and none of the people in superhero costumes will help.

Capricorn:  Due to something you posted on social media six years ago, you’ll be barred from visiting the Marvel booth.

Aquarius:  You will projectile vomit on Stan Lee after eating too muck Poki.

Pisces:  You’ll miss the con, so you’ll have an extra two grand to buy a new computer!