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Mar16

Twitter in Focus: Nick Kroll

by tonyd on March 16, 2011 at 12:01 am

Hey bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.  This week we take a look at the twitters of Nick Kroll, star of The League, one of my favorite shows on FX.  If you haven’t seen it, he kills on it.  Let’s see if he kills on Twitter.

February 27th:  “I have absolutely no problem with kate blanchet.”

Well, that clears that up.

February 27th:  “The heat-miser got robbed. But she does get to go home and get boned out by bullworth.”

Ouch.  Your Oscar zingers are top notch.

February 27th:  “Stutter is the new retard. #oscars”

Just watched The Situation on the Donald Trump Roast.  Theory confirmed.

February 28th:  “Hey studios! Listen up! RT @mindykaling: Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock, please do a romantic comedy together.”

Yeah, you could call it “For Really, Really Old Time’s Sake”.

March 3rd:  “Watch eagleheart RT @jwoliner: Tonight: DEATH PUNCH. Starring Chris Elliott. Written/Directed by me. Midnight! [adult swim]!”

God dammit, I keep missing this fucking show.  Why doesn’t adult swim put it on Sundays?  So weird to put it in the middle of the week.  To the website!

March 3rd:  “IMPORTANT! RT @curtisgwinn 2 and half days of 2 and a half men! http://www.iknowgil.com/2011/03/two-and-half-days-of-two-and-half-men.html”

Wow, that’s going to require a ton of tiger blood to survive.

March 4th:  ‘”Can we all ff Emilio esteves? I feel like this is just one of the many times in his life that ppl were more interested in his brother.”

How awesome would it be if Emilio took his place on the show?

March 5th:  “Charlie sheen is the new ted williams. #realtalk”

Yeah, they’re both not going to be on TV anymore.

March 9th:  “”hey toots, clean up my shit. Also I don’t even speak english.” -dogs and babies”

No idea.  But thanks for tweeting on my birthday.

March 9th:  “Hey can I borrow some chapstick?”

Ewwww.

March 11th:  “For the record, I had a dream that Woody Harrelson replaced Charlie Sheen on 2 1/2 Men.”

That would work.  He already smokes weed.

March 12th:  “Besides wearing a Bluetooth, having a dog is the best way to hide the fact that u talk to yrself.”

That or a deaf girlfriend.

March 12th:  “2nite! RT @dominicdierkes: ANYTIME SHOW podcast with @nickkroll and @adampally Tickets at the door or here: http://smodcastle.com/tickets”

Tickets to a podcast?  Interesting.  Have to catch the next one online.

5 hours ago:  “RT @dominicdierkes: Eps 4 of THE ANYTIME SHOW is up on iTunes. W @nickkroll and @adampally. http://bit.ly/hD7lVD”

Cool.  It just occurred to me, what’s the League going to be like if there’s a strike?

5 hours ago:  “Last 2 days to win my @akabobbyb and Power-stuff at the @AriGold auction for music education! http://PowerSavesTheMusic.com”

Nice.

2 hours:  “I think about this quite often RT @patrickborelli: I wonder what Terence Trent D’arby is doing right now.”

Being glad that he wasn’t in Milli Vanilli.

All right, let’s rate Nick’s tweets.  Funny stuff.  Kudos for tweeting during the Oscars, Nick.  I give him a 7 for Style, 8 for Mustness and 7 for Insanity.  That’s an overall score of 7.3.  Solid, definitely worth following.  I look forward to the tweets when the League comes back.  And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in  Focus, email us here.

└ Tags: comedian, comedy, funny, humor, Nick Kroll, Super Frat, The League, The Situation, Tony DiGerolamo, tweet, Twitter, Twitter in Focus
Comments Off on Twitter in Focus: Nick Kroll
Mar15

Tony D’s Rejected Comedy Samples: Why I Hate ATA

by tonyd on March 15, 2011 at 12:01 am

This piece was actually an accepted piece that was on the now defunct website parenthetical note.  I even got to do a reading of it in a coffee house.  It was all very hipster at the time.  Enjoy!

Why I Hate ATA
Copyright 2003
by Tony DiGerolamo

Yes.
No.
No.
Yes.
Maybe.
No.
Yes.
I am sitting in Gate 6 of Chicago’s airport. I’m not sure which one. I didn’t want to go to Chicago.
No.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Eh, maybe.
No!
Uh-uh.
I should be in Philadelphia, in a car, on my way back to New Jersey, but instead, I’ve had to endure a 19 1/2 hour flight-around-the-country because ATA decided they couldn’t deliver on the flight I originally bought.
No.
No.
Yes.
Yes.
No.
Hmmm. No.
Yes!
Oh, yeah!
I had it timed perfectly. Leave my comfortable hotel in Las Vegas at 9 pm, arrive at the airport by 9:30, on the plane by 10:30 and sleep until Philly at 5 am. Sure, it’s a redeye, but I was prepared for that.
No.
Yes.
But not this.
No.
Nooooo.
Ew, no.
19 1/2 fucking hours! First I stand in a fucking line for a fucking hour to be told there’s no fucking plane that I bought a fucking ticket for! Then, my choice is to go back to the hotel until tomorrow or take this fucking flight to Detroit, then to Chicago (where I get to stay in the airport for six hours) then on the plane to Philly.
Yes.
No!
Yes!
God, yes.
Didn’t the people at ATA take geography? Can’t they read a map? Detroit is past Chicago! Why go back to Chicago?!
Yes.
No.
No.
Whoa. No.
Yes.
19 1/2 hours. I could almost drive. I could almost fuckin’ drive.
Yes.
Yes.
Probably.
No.
So now I’m slouched in an airport chair, too tired to read, too tired to eat— Unable to sleep because the airport made sure of that. But what really burns me is not that the airline switch me around like this.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
Is that, I’m so tired, since I’ve been up since the day before (a total wake time of 33 1/2 hours). ATA has reduced me to an animal.
No.
Yes.
Maybe.
Eh, sure. Why not?
No.
I am a fucking animal now. Reduced to one urge. All I can do is sit in this chair and watch women go by and decide whether or not I would fuck them.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
Yes.
Probably.
Perhaps.
No way!
ATA has done worse that make me miss my plane.
No.
Yes!
They’ve turned me into something, less than human.
Uh-uh.
Mmm, hmm!
And for that, I will never forgive. Never.
Yes!
Hmm, if she’s 18.
Yuck. No.
Mmm, imagine those two. Yeah.
Yes.
No.
Yes.

└ Tags: airports, comedy, essay, funny, hipster, humor, parenthetical note, reading, Super Frat, Tony D's Rejected Comedy Samples, Tony DiGerolamo, Why I Hate ATA, writing
1 Comment
Mar13

Your Fratoscope: March 13, 2011

by tonyd on March 13, 2011 at 3:30 am

If your birthday is this week:    This week, Mummar Kaddafi will attempt to befriend you on Facebook.  Trust your instincts.  He’d make an excellent addition to your Mafia Wars game.

Aries:    The stars say, you will laugh at a video from YouTube just as your boss walks past your cubicle.  You will be promoted because he thinks you’re laughing at his joke.  Nice.

Taurus:   Your attempt to create a “No-Fly Zone” over your house fails miserably.  Maybe you should find a place further from airport.

Gemini:  You will make a joke about the Japanese earthquake in a Hello Kitty store.  The police report will later read that you were “beaten unconscious by an unruly mob of little girls.”  You can make up for the joke here.

Lemini:   Your roast will taste terrible.  Next time you drop raw meat in the sand, wash it thoroughly.  Your theory about “heat killing dirt” doesn’t make any sense.

Cancer:   Your girlfriend is pregnant.  Maybe next time don’ t buy gas station condoms.

Leo:   Your McDonald’s French Fry order will contain an onion ring, which is weird because they don’t make them.

Virgo:   Your stalker will abruptly resign, claiming he’s just too bored watching you.

Libra:   Your hipster pig farm is a disaster.  All the pigs refuse to give up their bacon because “it’s been done”.

Scorpio:    The stars say, your homemade lube causes most of your swinger guests to break out in a rash.  Fortunately, most of them already have STD’s so no one notices.

Sagittarius:   This week, a monkey will give you the finger.

Capricorn:   Your current relationship gets complicated this week.  Turns out, that cougar you’ve been dating never divorced her husband.  Don’t bother grabbing your pants, he just returned from a gun show.

Aquarius:   It’ll be a pretty boring week.  Although you will see some pantless guy running away from your neighbor’s house.

Pisces:  Eating 75 cupcakes in one sitting will seem like a good idea at the time, until you realize that you could’ve had one cupcake for 75 days if you had just thought about it.

└ Tags: Aquarious, Aries, astrology, Cancer, Capricorn, comedy, frat boy, funny, future, Gemini, horoscope, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, Pisces, prediction, psychic, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Super Frat, Taurus, Tony DiGerolamo, Virgo, Your Fratoscope, zodiac
1 Comment
Mar10

Character Bio: Dean Calfinch

by tonyd on March 10, 2011 at 2:13 am

Name: Dean Calfinch, Dean Loafpinch, The Dean, The Mean Dean

Rank: Dean, Ryesmore University

Superpowers: Self-Righteous Indignation, Disgust, Outrage

Rumor has it that Dean Calfinch rushed Lambda Sigma Rho back in the day and never got in.  Thus, his hatred for that fraternity knows no bounds.  He’s been at war with the bros long before they got their superpowers.  The Dean has tried several times to get Lambda Sigma Rho kicked off campus, but they always seem to find a way to come back.  Dean Calfinch has aligned himself with General Disdain, the Gammas and various members of the faculty.  But he vows someday to get those guys and shut down their “vulgar” webcomic.

First Appearance: Something From Heaven

└ Tags: academics, bio, character, college, dean, Dean Calfinch, douchebag, evil, faculty, profile, Ryesmore, Ryesmore University, study, Super Frat, university
Comments Off on Character Bio: Dean Calfinch
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