Hey Bros!
This week’s sketch is like ancient history to me. This one probably goes back as far as high school for me. Recently, I think a very similar sketch was done with action figures on Robot Chicken. Couldn’t find it online. Anyone got the link?
Comaman
a sketch written by:
Anthony M. DiGerolamo
Copyright 1984
CLOSE UP OF TELEVISION-DAY
JOHN ROGERS, TV news journalist, is covering a hostage crisis. In the background are several police cars surrounding a bank.
JOHN
(to camera)
This is John Rogers on the scene.
Behind me, the police are now trying
to deal with a very dangerous hostage
situation. Earlier this afternoon,
an unknown amount of armed men entered
the bank in an attempt to rob it. A
silent alarm notified local authorities
in time, but this only trapped the robbers
inside the bank. They now have the bank
staff hostage and are making their
demands known to Police Chief Mickey.
ZOOM OUT TO REVEAL…
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM-DAY
RHET SPINLEY is a middle-aged man, lying in a coma in his bed room. He is surrounded by hospital equipment, including a machine that beeps each time his heart beats, an i.v. and a hospital bed. KAREN HARRISON, his girlfriend sits by his bedside.
KAREN
(taking Rhet’s hand)
Oh, God, Rhet, I wish you could
hear me. My sister works in that
bank. If only you could see, hear,
walk, talk or move, I know you’d
be able to do something.
The machine monitoring Rhet’s heart slows down and stops.
SFX: Beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeee…
KAREN
(frightened)
Rhet! Hold on! (running out)
I’ll get the doctor!
Karen leaves the room and the door shuts. After a few seconds, the beeping returns.
ANGLE ON RHET’S BED
The lever that keeps the bed from rolling around unlatches by itself. The bed begins to roll.
MUSIC: Comaman theme (an instrumental, something like the “Batman” theme or “The Man from U.N.C.L.E.” theme)
NARRATOR
(voice over)
Rhet Spinely, mild-mannered scientist.
While experimenting with a new cosmic
food flavoring, he was caught up in an
explosion that left him in a coma.
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY-DAY
Rhet rolls into a room labeled, “Medical Storage”. After a few seconds inside the room, he rolls out again.
ANGLE ON RHET
He is now wearing a super-hero costume, complete with a mask, cape and the letter “C” on his chest.
NARRATOR
(voice over)
But gave him amazing super powers!
Now, Rhet Spinely is Comaman!
EXT. HOSPITAL-DAY
An ambulance with the word “Comamobile” print on the side, comes roaring out of the hospital emergency entrance, sirens blazing.
INT. COMAMOBILE-DAY
Rhet is at the wheel, but he is no more conscious than in previous scenes. The steering wheel moves completely at random and the car swerves all over the road.
EXT. BANK-DAY
The police still surround the building. Suddenly, the Comamobile comes roaring around a corner.
ANGLE ON POLICE CHIEF
POLICE CHIEF MICKEY, the D.A. and TWO OFFICERS look up just in time to see the ambulance. They run out of its way.
P.C. MICKEY
It’s him! I’d new he’d come!
ANGLE ON AMBULANCE
It swerves 180 degrees into a handicapped parking space. Rhet’s bed slams against the inside of the ambulance doors, forces them open and rolls onto the street. Rhet, back in the bed, rolls over to the police chief and the D.A.
P.C. MICKEY
Comaman! You’re just in time!
D.A.
Hold everything! I’m the D.A.
and I won’t have this costumed
vigilante taking charge!
Rhet’s bed rolls over the D.A.’s foot.
D.A.
Ow! Why you little—
The police chief stops the D.A. from hitting Rhet.
P.C. MICKEY
Easy, sir. You can’t hit a guy in
a coma.
INT. BANK-DAY
The five bank robbers, EDDIE, JEN, YUKON, QUINTEN and SLYDOR, the leader, guard the SEVEN BANK STAFF at gun point. Slydor and Yukon look outside and spot the Comamobile.
YUKON
Boss! It’s Comaman!
SLYDOR
My old nemesis! Curse him! Quinten,
lock the hostages in the office! Let’s
prepare a surprise for Comaman!
EXT. BANK-DAY
The D.A. continues to argue with the police chief.
P.C. MICKEY
Look, we’ve tried everything else.
Let’s give him one chance! Please!
D.A.
(reluctantly)
All right. But if he get’s hurt—
I mean, worse than he is, the city
won’t pay for it!
P.C. MICKEY
Go, Comaman! Go!
ANGLE ON RHET
His bed starts to roll toward the bank. It increases speed, hits the curb and goes flying into the air.
INT. BANK-DAY
Rhet and his bed crash through the window and smash into Eddie, knocking the thug unconscious.
ANGLE ON SLYDOR AND YUKON
Slydor and Yukon are surprised for a moment.
SLYDOR
Quick, Yukon! The sleep gas!
Slydor and his henchmen don gasmasks and throw canisters of sleep gas at Rhet’s bed.
FOLLOW RHET
His bed smashes into Jen, then spins her around. Quinten charges Rhet, but just then, Jen looses her grip and crashes into him. Both thugs fall to the floor unconscious.
YUKON
Boss! The sleep gas isn’t working!
SLYDOR
Damn! I should have known. Quick!
Use the stun ray!
Yukon pulls a futuristic pistol out of his pocket and fires a beam of light at Rhet. It has no effect.
SLYDOR
Damn you comatose crimefighter! Quick,
Yukon! We must flee!
Slydor and Yukon run out a back door in the bank. Just as Rhet is about to stop them, Quinten wakes up and grabs the leg of Rhet’s bed. Rhet backs the bed up, hits Quinten in the face, then rolls out the front of the bank.
INT. SLYDOR’S CAR-DAY
Yukon is driving, while Slydor consults a roadmap.
SLYDOR
(frustrated)
Dammit! We should have highlighted the
escape route!
Suddenly, the Comamobile catches up to Slydor’s car and hits it in the back.
YUKON
Boss! Look!
SLYDOR
(looking in rear view mirror)
No! It can’t be!
The Comamobile hits Slydor’s car again.
YUKON
He’s driving like a maniac!
SLYDOR
Of course, you fool! It’s not like
he can get hurt worse or anything!
ANGLE ON RHET
This time, he is slumped over the steering wheel, but the Comamobile continues to swerve out of control.
TRANSITIONAL BLUR TO:
SFX: (during blur) cars skidding and crashing
RACK FOCUS TO:
EXT. ROADSIDE-LATER DAY
The D.A. and the police chief are wrapping things up, just as Slydor and Yukon are being taken away by stretchers. TWO AMBULANCE DRIVERS carry a third stretcher with a sheet over its occupant. The D.A. stops them.
D.A.
Wait a sec.
He removes the sheet. Rhet, still in costume, is underneath.
P.C. MICKEY
It’s okay, boys. He’s not dead, just
in a coma.
D.A.
Well, Comaman. Like yourself, I’m a
man of few words. But, despite our
differences, you’re all right in my
book.
The D.A. shakes Rhet’s hand, then lets it drop.
P.C. MICKEY
Boy, I don’t know how you do it!
(shakes Rhet’s hand) Thanks, again!
The ambulance drivers take Rhet away.
P.C. MICKEY
There goes one great guy. To think,
he risked life and limb.
D.A.
Well, he risked limb anyway.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM-DAY
Rhet is back in his hospital clothes. Karen and DR. MANLY are at his bedside.
NARRATOR
(voice over)
Next week, on Comaman!
KAREN
But Dr. Manly, isn’t there anything
you can do for him?
DR. MANLY
I’m sorry, Karen. There’s only one
thing left to do.
Dr. Manly pulls the plug on Rhet’s life support system.
SFX: Beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeee….
