Yo, bros. Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die. Today’s contestant is Ben Schwartz, veteran of Collegehumor and, of late, Parks and Recreation. I noticed in his twitter his posts rejected jokes and that struck a chord with me, since I two enjoy recycling comedy that no one will buy. So lets see if this jokes belong in the trash bin.
June 20th: “”ABC- Always be clothing.” -A Pixar movie about designer clothes.”
Ouch. Okay, let’s remember, these are the rejected ones.
June 21st: “Who is going to be an adult and call Aeon Flux out on her eating disorder?”
Yeah, no one did for the Trix Rabbit and looked what happened to him.
June 21st: “”YOUR BABY IS NOT ALLOWED IN HERE!” – A Sal’s Hardware employee talking to Magneto’s mother circa 1920s”
The Amazing Kreskin had a similar sign for Professor X’s mom.
June 22nd: “Can’t wait to see these commercials for 3D TVs in 3D!”
They will need to bring back Baywatch when they finally happen.
June 22nd: “The bible teaches us that Adam’s rib wasnt removed to create Eve but rather to help Adam to blow himself.”
Well, that and to spend his money.
June 22nd: “After she showered with the group for the 1st time, there was no more confusion why she was given the name Tranny Smurf.’
Is that the plot of the next Avatar movie?
June 23rd: “”erased from existence.” – Doc Brown after he presses the delete button.”
No idea. But you can’t go wrong with a Back to the Future reference for the Collegehumor crowd.
June 24th: “How old do they have to be until they are no longer the NEW kids on the block.”
Or as most of my friends called them, “New Kids on the Cock”. Hey, look, I have to get rid of my rejected jokes too.
June 24th: “”Life is like a box of chocolates” has a totally different meaning to people with diabetes.”
All right, maybe he needs a second twitter for the non-rejected jokes.
June 25th: “”Im going to need a diaphragm at least 3 times the size of this one.”- A woman who mistakenly thinks she is bragging”
That one is almost passable.
June 25th: “Remember, when ur plane is delayed, look at everyone with a “can you believe this?!” face then NEVER look at them again.”
Do that especially if you’re the Federal Marshall. Awesome cover ‘tude.
June 26th: “”You know what they say about guys with comically long elephant noses right?” -Mr. Snuffleupagus about to get laid”
They say they have a Big Bird! (Look, we both have to get rid of these, okay?)
June 26th: “”When he sits around the house, he REALLY sits around the house” should be a diss for people with long legs.”
That’s a Sunday rejected jokes, so you have to lower the bar some.
June 27th: “The Riddler- “WHO THE FUCK IS THIS MATTHEW LESKO GUY!?!?””
I could see you being the Riddler. This clip proves it. Or at least proves that you’ve been on TV.
22 hours ago: “”Does the carpet match the drapes?” -Every woman to Kid from Kid ‘N Play circa 1990″
So close.
8 hours ago: “How is Cookie Monster so fat if none of the cookie actually gets passed his mouth?”
Ding-ding-ding! All right! We have a winner! I was a little worried when you dipped back into Sesame Street again, but boom! There it is!
Let’s rate Ben’s tweets. I give him mad props for actually putting material on twitter, so that’s a 9 for Style. No fear, putting up rejected jokes gets a 9 for Insanity and I would say he’s up on his tweets so 9 for Mustness. That’s an overall 9. I think you gotta follow Ben.
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