Sep21

The Walk Show at Intervention Con

by tonyd on September 21, 2011 at 3:59 am

Hey Bros!

I wanted to get this video up while it was still current, so look for Twitter in Focus on Friday. I got a lot of great footage at Intervention Con and interviews with some of my buddies who also do webcomics. Plus, I took the camera to some parties as well.

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Sep19

Braux Pas: The Sliding Door Story

by tonyd on September 19, 2011 at 12:01 am

The Sliding Door Story

Okay, this story happened back when I was in college. (Sadly a loooooong time ago. When Star Wars was still awesome and before Van Halen became Van Hagar.) Freshman year, I think, maybe early sophomore year. I had a circle of friends that I palled around with. We spent time hanging out in the dorm rec rooms, going to movies, eating, whatever. Two of my friends, let’s call them Mr. X and Ms. Y were dating.

Now that was kind of cool because it was sort of an innocent time for all of us. It was nice that two of the friends in the circle got together, at least for a time. But in reality, we didn’t really know each other all that well. So it came as kind of a shock when I got a frantic call from Ms. Y or one of the circle saying that the group was hanging out in the dorm rec room when Mr. X was carted away by the campus cops.

This caused great speculation amongst the group. Who was Mr. X, really? At this point, we were all hanging out so much, when did he even have the time to do anything illegal?  At first, I told her it had to be a mistake, but no, she said they had his name.  It was him, whatever it was.  The cops kept Mr. X for hours and our speculation got increasingly hyperbolic.  Was he selling weed?  Maybe he beat someone up.  Was it something really fucked up he did at home?  Was his name really Mr. X?

I vaguely remember that he was out of the mix for a while, like all day.  That was kind of an eternity to us at the time because all our social time was spent around the circle.  Naturally, we were all up in the same dorm rec room speculating when Mr. X walked in with an embarrassed smile on his face.

“What the Hell happened to you?  What did you do?”

With a face as beet red as I had every seen anyone’s, he explained that the previous night he had gone to see Ms. Y in her dorm.  Ms. Y lived in the towers and the first floor had sliding doors to the outside.  Now the sliding doors weren’t meant to be entrances.  But I think the main door was locked or he was just too lazy to walk around, so he slipped into the first floor via one of the doors.  It was dark, so he assumed Ms. Y was asleep, so being considerate, he kind of crept around trying to determine if she was awake or not.

Unfortunately, Mr. X had slipped into the wrong dorm room in the dark.  Sleeping in that room was the RA and his girlfriend.  The RA jumped up to attack what he thought was an intruder.  Mr. X panicked and fled the scene, never once breathing a word to any of us even after he got arrested.  How did he get caught?  Mr. X had a baseball cap he wore constantly, but lost it in the struggle.  The dumbass would’ve gotten away clean, but he had his name written on the inside of the brim.  There was some talk of expulsion, but eventually he did some community service and all was forgiven.

Anyhow, that’s today in Braux Pas history!

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Sep18

Your Fratoscope: September 18, 2011

by tonyd on September 18, 2011 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week:  Sadly, your lightly attended Jon Huntsman party, will be the most heavily attended Jon Huntsman party.

Aries:  Wear sneakers to the Chinese restaurant because all your fortune cookie will say is “Run!  For God’s sake!  RUN!!!”

Taurus:  Your junk will smell like peppermint on Thursday.

Gemini:  The ghost of Thomas Jefferson will appear to you and ask you to look up the address of Pam Grier.

Lemini:  You’ll discover that the reason no one is reading your webcomic is that the website doesn’t load properly.  That and it sucks donkey balls.

Cancer:  This week, you’ll buy a liter of Shasta.  It’ll stay in your fridge until one day you open it and go, “I don’t remember buying Shasta.”

Leo:  Your mailman will come to you explain that it just isn’t working out.  It’s not you or your mail, it’s him.

Virgo:  For the last time, stop emailing every joke you find on the Internet to the entire staff.  Do some actual work this week.

Libra:  You will make an ass out of yourself at the poker game.  Mostly because you scream “Go Fish!” at the beginning of every hand.

Scorpio:  Your libido goes a little soft this week and you only have sex nineteen times.  Don’t sweat it.  You got a touch of the flu.

Sagittarius:  The stars say, you will find out that just because you’re dating a secretary in your office, you can’t immediately date the hot temp that replaces her on a sick day.

Capricorn:  You’ll get drunk this weekend and wake up with coyote arm.  On the upside, with its armed ripped off the coyote is dead.

Aquarius:  You will be punched by the woman that runs the coffee kiosk.  She’ll add, “Take one packet of sugar, bitch!  One!”

Pisces:  You’ll  go to Intervention Con, but it turns out that it’s not a con about the A&E show Intervention.

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Sep17

Tony D’s Rejected Comedy Samples: The Inner City Circus

by tonyd on September 17, 2011 at 12:01 am

I’m not sure when I wrote this, but there was no way in Hell we could produce this on my old college comedy show. Maybe if we used a chromakey wall. Anyhow, enjoy.

Jingling Brothers’ Inner City Circus
written by: Tony DiGerolamo
Copyright 1995

EXT. CIRCUS TENT-DAY

ARNOLD ROBBINS, generic, white TV dad, MRS. ROBBINS, KATEY ROBBINS and ARNOLD JR. are all standing in front of a circus tent. Mr. Robbins addresses the camera, while the rest of the family smiles.

MUSIC: (in background throughout) Circus music

MR. ROBBINS
Don’t know where to take the family
this summer? Well, have I got a fun
time for you!

MRS. ROBBINS
And it doesn’t cost too much!

MR. ROBBINS
We’re going to the Jingling Brothers’
Inner City Circus!

WHOLE FAMILY
Yeaaaaaaa!

The Robbins run inside the tent.

INT. TENT-DAY

The interior of the tent looks like a typical three ring circus, except there is trash everywhere and a WINO at the edge of the first ring. The Robbins Family sits at the front of an AUDIENCE of spectators. PRINCE PETE, a circus animal trainer, stands in the nearest ring beside a cage.

MR. ROBBINS
(voice over)
This circus had it all! First we
saw Prince Pete and his amazing
trained pit bulls!

Prince Pete opens the cage and is pulled inside by rabid pit bulls. The Robbins Family, in awe, clap and cheer.

ARNOLD JR.
(voice over)
That was neat!

ANGLE ON ROBBINS FAMILY

They point and look upwards in awe.

MRS. ROBBINS
(voice over)
Next, there were the antics of Mr. IceMan’s
High Wire Enforcers!

ANGLE ON TIGHTROPE

A TIGHTROPE WALKER is gingerly making his way across the rope. Suddenly, a mean looking ENFORCER walks up from the other direction and grabs him by the lapels.

ENFORCERS
(furious)
You’re two days late! Where’s my
money, man?!

TIGHTROPE WALKER
(frightened)
I’m workin’ on it! I swear!

ENFORCER
Not good enough!

The enforcer throws the tightrope walker off the rope, pulls out a gun and fires after him as he falls. The crowd cheers and the enforcer takes a circus bow.

KATEY
(voice over)
Neat-o!

INT. ABANDONED BUILDING-DAY

DAREDEVIL DICK, a man in a motorcycle helmet and overalls, is trying to escape from the house.

MR. ROBBINS
(voice over)
Next, see Daredevil Dick try to escape
the House of Building Code Violations!

Daredevil Dick opens a door, but finds the room engulfed by flame. He immediately pulls a nearby fire alarm, but it comes right off the wall. He tries to leave, but the floor gives way.

DAREDEVIL DICK
Ahhhh! Help me!

ANGLE ON ROBBINS FAMILY

They watch in awe. In the background, a VENDOR is selling hypos, drugs and souvenir guns.

ROBBINS FAMILY
Oooooooo. VENDOR
Hypos! Crack! Cigarettes! Hypos!
Crack! Cigarettes!

ANGLE ON CLOWN CAR

A GROUP OF SKINHEAD CLOWNS are pulling the car and carrying bats, while the LEAD CLOWN gives the Hitler salute. He is hit in the face with a pie.

MRS. ROBBINS
And the skinhead clowns were hilarious!

EXT. CIRCUS TENT-DAY

The Robbins Family is facing the camera again.

MRS. ROBBINS
So get ready this summer!

MR. ROBBINS
Find out when the Jingling Brothers’
Inner City Circus is coming to town!

ARNOLD JR.
You won’t want to miss it!

The Robbins Family laughs, as their image is framed and shrunk above the address for tickets. As the announcers reads, the Robbins Family is mugged by TWO THUGS.

ANNOUNCER
(voice over)
The Jingling Brothers’ Inner City
Circus is coming to these locations!
For tickets, called 1-800-0-CIRCUS!
Don’t miss the show of a lifetime!

KEY: July 1-8 White Birch Amphitheater, N.J.
July 9-11 East Rutherford Dinner Theater, Ohio
July 12-19 Amish City, Pa.
July 20-27 Mormontown, Utah
July 28-August 3 Baptistville, Georgia
Aug. 4-11 Heritage USA
Aug. 11-18 Oral Roberts University
Aug. 19-26 The 700 Club
Aug. 27-Sept. 3 Kwanis Club, Illinois
Sept. 4-11 Rotary Club, Texas

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