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Jan15

Your Fratoscope: January 15, 2012

by tonyd on January 15, 2012 at 3:05 am

If your birthday is this week:   You will find out your car insurance does not cover accidents with hot dog carts and that you can eat hot dogs right off the ground if you’re hungry enough.

Aries:   This week, brace yourself.  You’re going to get some astounding news that will change your life or a delicious bagel.  Interestingly enough, both have something to do with cream cheese.

Taurus:  You will find yourself fishing in your neighbor’s pool, wearing nothing but boxer shorts in 30 degree weathere.  And yes, that was some kickass weed.

Gemini:   A Jehovah Witness will knock on your door, but when you answer he says, “Oh.  Sorry.  Not you.”

Lemini:   The stars say, a Chinese friend will translate your cool tattoo as “Dumbfuck”.

Cancer:   After watching several hours of Japanese Anime, you will feel incredibly dirty.  You’ll shower, but it won’t help.

Leo:   Your hamburger will arrive well done, with onions.  Don’t send it back.  Your cook just got served with divorce papers and he has access to way to many knives in the kitchen.

Virgo:   You’ll find the perfect pair of shoes on that body they dredge from the lake.  It’s not like he’s using them.

Libra:   After giving a homeless guy five dollars, you’ll see him get into a limo.  Don’t worry, he gives it to the driver as a tip.

Scorpio:   You’ll finally seduce a Senator from Florida.  Now you’ve done one in every state.  Congrats!

Sagittarius:   After a drinking binge, you’ll discover that you can fill a wastepaper basket with vomit in about three heaves.

Capricorn:   You will meet Steven Segal in a Five Guys.  He’ll ask you for the rest of your fries.

Aquarius:   This week, a Tibetan monk will reveal the location of your lost Xbox controller.  He won’t stay because he has to walk the Earth helping pathetic couch potatoes like yourself.

Pisces:   You’ll find that Starbucks will be out of iced lemon pound cake again.  God dammit.

└ Tags: Aires, Aquarius, astrology, Cancer, Capricorn, comedy, funny, Gemini, horoscope, humor, Lemini, Leo, Libra, Pisces, Sagittarius, Scorpio, Super Frat, Taurus, Tony DiGerolamo, Virgo, Your Fratoscope, zodiac
1 Comment
Jan14

Frat Boy At the Movies: Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol

by tonyd on January 14, 2012 at 1:48 am

I like to make fun of Tom Cruise movies because sometimes when he’s in a trailer, it’s Cruise overload.  MI4 kind of looked that way and I had been turned off the whole franchise after the first one.  But what brought me to this one was the director, Brad Bird.  There’s no denying this guy’s talent.

That isn’t to say Cruise isn’t good in certain roles.  He usually at his best when he’s a jerk, like in Collateral Damage or Rain Man or Magnolia.  But unlike a lot of other Cruise action movies, this one felt more like a team rather than War of the Worlds, which came off more like “Tom Cruise vs. the Martians”.

The action scenes, from the opening up until the climax are really well done.  And you really get the sense that Ethan Hunt (Cruise) has been put through the ringer in this one.  Jeremy Renner, Simon Pegg and Paula Patton also get good scenes, so the movie isn’t overwhelmed by Cruise.  Probably the weakest element is the villain, who is just “crazy”.  He doesn’t have much personality and isn’t even in the film all that much.  There are a few scenes that, when you think about them later, won’t make much sense but these are kept to a minimum.

The politics of it are kept pretty cartoony.  In a classic Bond movie, it was easy to just blame in the Soviets.  Now, the US is so heavy handed all over the world, it’s military so overly funded, I didn’t really have a problem believe that Ethan and his cohorts could be left an entire cache of computers, weapons and gadgets in a train without the US noticing.  Bird plays it smart, making the IMF weaker rather than trying to beef up the villain.  It also ties in well to MI3, if you’ve seen that.

Overall, I give the movie 7.5 keggers out of 10.  While the plot and villain are standard, everything else is slick and fun.  It is what it is, a blockbuster full of eye candy you won’t have to think about.  It’s definitely worth seeing in theater.  Bird makes full use of the screen.

└ Tags: action, cinema, critic, critique, film, Frat Boy at the Movies, Ghost Protocol, Jeremy Renner, Mission Impossible, movie, Paula Patton, rating, review, Simon Pegg, Super Frat, Tom Cruise, Tony DiGerolamo
3 Comments
Jan13

Rewritten Headlines: Small Frogs to NFL Draft

by tonyd on January 13, 2012 at 12:01 am

Time for the news the way you like it. Short, sweet and mostly true. This is Rewritten Headlines!

Real: World’s Smallest Frog Discovered

Rewritten: Jokes About Tiny Frenchman Suddenly Flood Internet

Real: Congressman Lamar Smith, is a Copyright Violator

Rewritten: Congressman Continues Long Tradition of Hypocrisy

Read: Stephen Colbert Leads Jon Huntsman in South Carolina Poll

Rewritten: Jon Huntsman Less Popular Than Comedy Central

Real: Cancer Barbie: Backers Seeking Bald Doll to Help Sick Kids Come to Terms with Hair Loss

Rewritten: Most Depressing Toy Ever Soon to Hit Shelves

Read: Fed’s Image Tarnished by Newly Release Documents

Rewritten: Shitty Agency Even More Shitty Than Previously Imagined

Real: Toledo’s Record-Setting Wide Receiver, Eric Page, Leaving School Early for NFL Draft

Rewritten: Athlete Realizes School is Bullshit

└ Tags: Barbie, Cancer Barbie, comedy, Comedy Central, copyright, Eric Page, Fed, Federal Reserve, frog, funny, humor, Jon Huntsman, Lamar Smith, News, NFL Draft, parody, Rewritten Headlines, SOPA, Stephen Colbert, Super Frat, Toledo, Tony DiGerolamo, world's smallest frog
1 Comment
Jan11

Twitter in Focus: Harry Shearer

by tonyd on January 11, 2012 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is Harry Shearer, comedic genius for so many reason.  Spinal Tap and his million voices on the Simpsons to name a few.  If you haven’t heard his radio show, Le Show, what the Hell is wrong with you?  Let’s see what secrets his Twitter account holds.

@theharryshearer

January 8th:  “Oops, now Santorum denounces Obama’s “secular ideology”. Don’t tell the Pakistanis.”

Santorum gives a bad name to frothy fecal matter.

January 8th:  “Leon Pannetta on “Face” re: Iran: “Are they trying to develop a nuclear weapon? No.””

And when I say, “No”, I mean, we’ll have to think of another reason to bomb them.

January 8th:  “Will NO and DC facilities talk nicely enough that Le Show will be heard today? Stay tuned.”

Well, there’s always your handy website.

January 8th:  “Answer: Yes. Whew.”

The Internet strikes fear in other media again!

January 8th:  “I had me scared for a minute.”

You know, his Twitter feed is even better if you read it in Smithers voice and end every tweet with “sir”.

January 9th:  “Just askin’™: did the new, newsier CBS This Morning mention news that Leon Panetta said on CBS ystdy that Iran’s not seeking a nuke weapon?”

CBS is to news what Alzheimer’s is to memory.

5 hours:  “Two days since Leon Panetta said on Face the Nation re Iran: “Are they trying to develop a nuclear weapon? No.” Still not news?”

I’m surprised the news knows where Iran is.

Okay, let’s rate Harry’s tweets. Harry, like me, is a news junkie, so I gotta respect that. Insanity is 4 (as he is very sane). Style a 10 and Mustness an 9. That’s an overall score of 7.6, but I give him a bonus because of his Simpsons bonus, so let’s make it a 9. If you don’t follow Harry Shearer, you’re some kind of damned Communist. And you don’t want to be a Communist now. The Russians are out. No more Vodka or fighting James Bond. And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

└ Tags: comedy, funny, Harry Shearer, humor, Le Show, Spinal Tap, Super Frat, The Simpsons, Tony DiGerolamo, tweet, Twitter, Twitter in Focus
1 Comment
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