Apr25

Tony D Video Update

by tonyd on April 25, 2012 at 12:01 am

I’ve had a crazy week, bros.  Here’s why.

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Apr23

Ten Things You’ll Never See on the Walking Dead

by tonyd on April 23, 2012 at 12:01 am

Although the last two episodes were pretty awesome, for a while, The Walking Dead was becoming the show I was loving to hate.  Here’s ten reasons why:

1:  Someone getting the idea to just run over the zombies using all the extra cars.

2:  Someone digging trenches and building fences ahead of time, anticipating the next zombie attack.

3:  Someone making sure everyone carries a melee weapon at all times.

4:  The systematic emptying of the pharmacy instead of several dangerous trips back.

5:  Chain stores.  Where’s the god damned CVS and McDonald’s and Home Depot?

6:  Melodram-free moments of conversation that don’t involve talking about “What Rick will say.”

7:  Someone that says, “You know, even if this prisoner gets away, he’ll probably just get eaten by zombies.”

8:  Someone that figures out that the zombies are attracted to noise, turns on a music system inside a building and then burns it down when it’s full of zombies.

9.  Logic.

10.  This phrase:  “Hey, Laurie, watch your fucking kid for a change.”

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Apr22

Your Fratoscope: April 22, 2012

by tonyd on April 22, 2012 at 12:01 am

If your birthday is this week:  You will learn that you are going to Hell, unfortunately it’s not even for any of your best sins.

Aries:  You 4/20 celebration goes according to plan since reading this Fratoscope is the first thing you’re going to remember since Friday.

Taurus:  A very confused Dick Cheney will stop you on the street and will demand you recite the lyrics to “The Oscar Meyer Wiener” song.  If you get them wrong, prepared to be waterboarded.

Gemini:  You will discover the curse of the mummy merely means it’s going to rain tomorrow, so kick open that tomb!

Lemini:   Due to an error in your hieroglyphics reading, your Gemini associate will be consumed by locusts.

Cancer:  The stars say, stop calling or the stars are calling the cops.

Leo:  A hipster zombie will refuse to bite you because you’re too bourgeois.

Virgo:  This week, President Obama will award you a medal, that costs the taxpayers close to a million dollars.  That’s only because it contains a targeting chip so a predator drone can find you easier.

Libra:  Your Virgo roommate will mysteriously explode on the balcony this week.

Scorpio:  It will be a slow week for you, so feel free to cut down your normal condom order at Costco.

Sagittarius:  Based on a recent article you read on the Internet, you take the best dump of your life at a Hampton Inn.

Capricorn:  You will discover that climbing a tree to get away from a bear just makes him more determined to eat you.

Aquarius:  You family holds an Intervention.  As a group, they’ll decide it’s best to kick you now before they become any more dependent on you.

Pisces:  You’ll spend a tough week helping the Missus in the hospital, but you’ll get to pick the movie for the rest of the year!

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Apr21

Poop Stories: Best and Worst Toilets

by tonyd on April 21, 2012 at 12:01 am

Poop Stories:  Best and Worst Toilets

When I’m on the road, sometimes I have to poop.  There are good places to poop and bad places to poop.  Here’s a list of the best and worst.

Best Poop Places

Hotels:  Hotels are the best because they are constantly cleaned.  Don’t worry if you don’t have a room, there’s always a public bathroom.  The best ones are in the Hampton Inn because they usually don’t have a restaurant.  Since the guests have their own bathroom, they really don’t get much use and are normally very clean.

Hospitals: Hospitals have to keep the bathrooms clean for obvious reasons, so they usually get pretty clean.  If the bathroom is on the floor that doesn’t see a lot of patient visitors, even better.

CVS:  CVS stores usually have bathrooms, but you have to be let in by an employee.  Consequently, they don’t see a lot of traffic.

Libraries:  Assuming it’s not a big-city library where the homeless people like to go, most suburban libraries don’t see many customers and the bathrooms themselves are often larger than needed.

Worst Poop Places

The New York City Port Authority:  One of the most trafficked places in the world, unless you’re about to shit your pants, stay away.  Far away.

Stadium Bathroom:  Sports fans aren’t very neat to begin with and after a few beers, they pretty much piss exclusively on the floor.

Any Chain Movie Theater:  Two problems:  First, when a movie let’s out they are overwhelmed with customers, so things tend to get sloppy and rushed.  Second, almost everyone that works there is a grossly underpaid teenager that isn’t going to kill themselves scrubbing a bowl for your convenience.

Any Fast Food Bathroom:  Fast food bathrooms are usually too small and they serve the kind of food that makes you really need a bathroom.  I would put rib joint bathrooms at the top of this list.

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