Real: Apocalypse Never:  Newly Discovered Mayan Calendar Further Disproves Doomsday Myth

Rewritten: History Channel Specials Confirmed as Bullshit

Real: Is Time Magazine’s Breastfeeding Cover Just Right Or Too Far?

Rewritten: Desperate Magazine Puts Boobs on Cover

Real: Too Early To Call U.N.-Syria Peace Plan Failure: U.S.

Rewritten: U.S. Planning on Calling U.N.-Syria Peace Plan a Failure Later

Real: GOP Treads Lightly on Gay Marriage Issue

Rewritten: GOP Light in the Loafers About Gay Marriage Issue

Real: Source: Yahoo CEO Says He Didn’t Mislead Company

Rewritten: IT Guy Claims He Didn’t Lie on Resume Like Everyone Else

Real: Camera Clicking Irks Tiger Woods

Rewritten: Camera Clicking Reminds Tiger Woods of Pornstars He Videotaped Himself Banging

Real: FDA Advisers Back First Drug to Prevent HIV

Rewritten: Your Boyfriend Even Less Likely to Use Condom

Real: Romney Apologizes After Report of Bullying as a Teen

Rewritten: Romney’s High School Reunion to be Very Uncomfortable

Real: Prince Charles Does TV Weathercast in Scotland

Rewritten: Spoiled Rich Guy Momentarily Contributes to Society