Super Frat

Our pledgemaster may not know Math, Science, English Literature, History or any other class he’s taken, but he knows what is Fratty.  Stand fast, bros.  Your pledgemaster is about to bring down judgement upon you!

The Olympics:  Fratty

Despite douchebags like Mitt Romney trying to insert themselves into this time-honored tradition, Olympic sport has always been fratty.  Watch this footage of this dude from 1976 dismounting with a God damned broken leg and tell me it’s not bro-like behavior.  So Fratty.  Do you know how many beers I would have to drink to do that?

Jenna Jameson:  Sort of Not Fratty

Jenna pleaded not guilty on her DUI arrest, but c’mon, why is she driving?  Jenna, a true bro would drive you anywhere.  A fine-ass MILF like that, shouldn’t even have to touch a steering wheel.

Penn State Coach:  Still Not Fratty

Coach Bill O’Brien says, “Penn State has taken a lot of punches over the last six months, and it’s time to punch back.”  STFU, Bill.  It’s not.  Punch who?  Just take four years, lay low and hope Jerry Sandusky is eaten by rabid wolverines on the way to prison.  Maybe you could help take down that statue and repaint the mural.

Ice-T:  Still Fratty

Because of this.

Anaheim Police Department:  Not Fratty

What kind of ballless bastard shoots into a crowd of unarmed people?  Whoever he is probably has a potential career with the Anaheim PD.  You’d think cops that close to Disneyland would have a better attitude, but knowing what usually happens to cops, they’ll probably all be promoted.

Google Fiber:  So Very Fratty

Internet porn streaming 100 times faster?  Yes, please.

DC Comics:  Kinda Not Fratty

DC asked retailers not to sell a Batman comic due to some references to gun violence in light of the recent tragedy.  Um, DC, you realize you make comic books and not real life right?  It’s Batman.  I think it’s pretty much a given they’ll be a few guns in every issue.  Given the homicidal violence you usually put in some of your comics, is this really (if you’ll pardon the pun) an issue?  And as any fanboy knows, this is just going to make fans want the issue even more.  (Or was that the plan?)  Kind of not Fratty, DC.

NYC Westside Market:  So Fratty

The market has created a special “man aisle” for dudes who don’t bring a shopping list.  It should be called the Fratty Aisle.  Nice.

The News:  Not Fratty

Hey News.  When some dickhole shoots up a bunch of people in a movie theater, could you not show his face and name all over TV?  I know more about this fucking guy in Colorado than my own bros now.  Please STFU and let the cops handle this.  If he’s a psychopath, then this is exactly what he wants.  And if he’s mentally ill, this is exactly what he doesn’t need.  And while you’re at it, when you talk about this tragedy, see if you can make your fucking anchors shift gears like a normal human being.  When I talk about people being killed, I don’t follow it up with a bubbly, “And now, let’s check the weather!”  Take an appropriate pause, you rating-chasing TV ghouls!

Termites:  Fratty

Apparently, while protecting their hives, termites will explode like little suicide bombers to kill their enemies.  That’s badass!  If my bros could explode to protect the frat house, I know they would.