Our pledgemaster, Indestructible Dick, may only sign up for morning classes to take naps in the lecture hall, but he knows what’s Fratty.

Facebook Stock:  Not So Fratty

Mark Zuckerberg clearly sold his Facebook stock at the right time.  Which I guess means, everyone else pitched in to make his billion dollar dream come true.  In this economy, not so fratty.

The Hobbit Films:  Kinda Fratty

You gotta be psyched for these next three flicks from Peter Jackson, but jeez, three?  There was only one book.  While stretching it out may effect it’s awesomeness, Jackson is still the man when it comes to Middle Earth.

Canceling the Jersey Shore:  Fratty

Thank fucking Christ.

The L.A. PD:  Not Fratty

What the Hell is up with Los Angeles cops?  These guys are wound tighter than a pledge on Rush Week.  Has the LA police academy every taught a way to arrest people that doesn’t involve beating the shit out of them?

Bill Nye:  Fucking A Fratty

Finally, a scientist with some balls.  Suck it creationists!

Random Shootings:  Not Fratty

Is it just me or does a bullet proof vest no longer sound like a paranoid gift?  Being indestructible, it’s not really an issue for me.  But after shootings in movie theaters, temples, the Empire State Building and supermarkets, maybe it’s time to legalize pot.

Harvard Students:  Fratty, but Not Fratty

125 Harvard students were caught cheating on a test.  Now me and the bros aren’t ones that are above such behavior.  But shit, if you’re going to cheat, cheat on a hard class.  Not on a test about Congress.  You go to Harvard, you assholes.  You should already know about Congress because I’m sure most of the 125 of your are related to someone in Congress.  At least me and the bros go to Ryesmore, the butthole of colleges.

Marrying Two Chicks:  Fratty

If you’re going to get married, don’t be a pussy and only marry on woman.  Marry two like this dude in Brazil.  Not only is a three-way a lot easier, the wives can ask each other how their day was!

Stealing Maple Syrup:  So God Damned Fratty

Canadian thieves (who else) stole something like 10 million gallons of syrup.  Now all they need to do is make 20 million trips to the IHOP.

Squeezing Breasts for Charity:  The Frattiest Thing Ever

Only in Japan, bros.  Only in Japan.