Hey Bros!
Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die. Today’s contestant is another Family Guy writer, always a treat, Kevin Biggins! Let’s see if he’s as funny as Peter or as sad as Meg.
August 8th: “New plan: Slim down for Fall.”
Not a bad call. You could eat more Halloween candy that way.
August 8th: “Spaghetti keg at my place this weekend!”
That’s a good spaghetti policy.
August 9th: “My neighbor left a note on my windshield this morning that read: “Please stop masturbating so close to my car.””
You really ought to watch porn inside.
August 9th: “I’d like to be a part of a drink tank.”
Is that where you go before the drunk tank?
August 10th: “I heard Denstinee Hooker’s sister’s name is Shegonnabea.”
Somewhere there’s a stripper with the name Wanda Goldmedal.
August 10th: “If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to Instagram it, does anything matter?”
Not if you’re on Reddit.
August 11th: “Should we stop Follow Friday? It kinda sucks. Something new? I don’t have the answer.”
I still like Nick Offerman’s suggestion.
August 11th: “Just set the word record for drunk dish washing at my place. Came down to a crusty oatmeal bowl. Dominated it.”
How do you wash the beer glass you’re drinking out of without disqualifying yourself?
August 11th: “I really hope no one ever sees me see a murder.”
Quick tip: They won’t if you kill the witnesses.
August 11th: “It’s funny to know that somewhere a very stoned guy is sitting in wide-eyed shock after just breaking his buddy’s glass bong.”
Although he’s probably describing it in way more than 140 characters. Plus several of those letters will be, “Duuuuuude! Aw, dude!”
August 12th: “Ladies, never get your hair cut. Ever.”
I think most bros would agree!
August 13th: “Forgot to walk around with a yoga mat under my arm again this weekend.”
That means you have to be more careful staring at this.
August 13th: “Attention neighbors: I just found my old harmonica. And I’m feeling blue. And I’m not good at harmonica.”
Well, at least you’re not near anyone’s car.
2 hours ago: “If you own a bowling ball you don’t own a piano.”
False! You need both to be a part of my Ragtime Bowlers’ League. Handlebar Mustache optional.
Okay, let’s rate Kevin’s tweets. Funny. Would’ve liked to see more behind-the-scenes, but writers don’t always get to see that. Pretty consistent. Pretty into twitter. I give him a 7 for Style, an 8 for Mustness and a 8 for Insanity. That’s an overall score of 7.6. Not bad. Definitely no Meg. Heh-heh, Meg!
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