Jan19

The Walk Show: Funzy’s Place

by tonyd on January 19, 2013 at 6:11 pm

Tony checks out his uncle’s new restaurant.

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Jan19

Ira’s Drunken Recipes: Sherry Chicken

by tonyd on January 19, 2013 at 12:01 am

Ingredients:  Four boneless breasts of chicken, 1/4 cup of flour, teaspoon of salt, teaspoon of black pepper, tablespoon of olive oil, bottle of cooking sherry, 1/2 cup of chicken broth, 1 clove of garlic, 1/2 lemon, 4 carrots, one Coors Light, a tab of acid.

Step 1:  Drop acid

Step 2:  Decide acid is not working and call girlfriend

Step 3:  Get into argument how you never take her out everywhere

Step 4:  Remember the cheap way out, offer to cook her dinner, recover conversation beautifully

Step 5:  Get thirsty, drink beer

Step 6:  Look up and print out chicken recipe from Internet

Step 7:  Gather ingredients, notice that some of the ingredients keep sprouting tiny legs and try to run away

Step 8:  Find meat tenderizer, smash ingredients that appear to move

Step 9:  Put on oven

Step 10:  Remember recipe calls for stove, turn off oven and put on stove

Step 11:  Hear voices from inside oven, open oven to make sure invisible people can escape

Step 12:  Pour all the ingredients on the chicken, forgetting the recipe is right underneath it

Step 13:  Slap the chicken around and giggle uncontrollably

Step 14:  Put chicken in pan, place pan on stove

Step 15:  Flip chicken over and over again

Step 16:  Become convinced that if the chicken isn’t cooked correctly, you’ll be trapped in this kitchen forever

Step 17:  Burn chicken, decide to hide the evidence

Step 18:  Put the chicken, the hot pan and all the ingredients, including the containers into a trashbag

Step 19:  Run outside with trashbag.  Begin digging hole

Step 20:  Act surprised when girlfriend arrives and asks what the Hell you’re doing

Step 21:  Climb into tree for safety, insist your are invisible up there, even though you’re not and although you’ve clearly demonstrated the ability in the past

Step 22:  Spend next six hours being talked down by girlfriend

Step 23:  Go out for Chinese food

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Jan18

Rewritten Headlines: Mrs. Obama to Facebook

by tonyd on January 18, 2013 at 12:01 am

Government Employee Takes Wife to Dinner

Employee Takes Longest Coffee Break Ever

Scientist Rename Chromosome That Causes Mental Handicaps

American Takes Worst Vacation Ever

Serial Killers Have New App

Awful and Tasty Animal Has Nerve Endings

People Finally Have Enough Computers

Push for Iran War Continues

Liar Regrets Lie

Shitty Workers Investigate Even Shittier Plane

Millions of Loser Cruise Internet on New Year’s

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Jan16

Twitter in Focus: Al Madrigal

by tonyd on January 16, 2013 at 12:01 am

Hey Bros!

Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.  Today’s contestant is Daily Show correspondent, Al Madrigal!  He’s hilarious on the show, let’s see if his tweets are just as funny.

@almadrigal

January 1st:  “My kids asked Siri “what does a hedgehog look like?” next question was something no parent wants to hear, “Dad, who’s Ron Jeremy?””

Ouch.  What a way to start the year.

January 3rd:  “El Camino. RT @dan_dion Day 3 of 365 Days of #ComedianPortraits– Al Madrigal! @almadrigal @TheDailyShow pic.twitter.com/7TJeXVZ2”

Nice!  A classic American auto.  I can see it now.  You driving around, solving mysteries, helping people move…

January 5th:  “”Fatties falling off treadmills” premiering soon!! ”

Even better!

January 9th:  “Tonight on @TheDailyShow I go to the motor city to talk a man about a bridge. Not just any man btw, THE man. #detroit @bergerworld”

Who’da thunk that bridge barons run that town?

January 10th:  “Mo bridges, mo problems. http://instagr.am/p/UUZBFZqy4_/”

Detroit: The city that leaves you hanging.

January 11th:  “Time to jump on the germ train. 2?s Can this virus work it’s way through gloves? & if you have this flu, stay the fuck home.”

Just do what I do.  Bath in hand sanitizer, then burn you bath tub.

January 11th:  “Two cheeseburgers!? Hunter S. Thompson’s Daily Routine Was Way More Intense Than Your Daily Routine http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/hunter-s-thompsons-daily-routine-is-way-more-int …”

When you do that much cocaine, you burn a ton of calories.  He should really be eating six or seven.

January 12th:  “Wow!! #49ers http://instagr.am/p/UaOFUJqy9H/”

Kiss them pythons!

January 13th:  “Quentin Tarantino just used his 2nd peace sign early in the 1st quarter. Not good clock management. #goldenglobes”

Well, he didn’t drop the N-bomb, so that’s something.

January 13th:  “Catherine Zeta Jones looks damn good for 65! #goldenglobes”

Ha!

Okay, let’s rate Al’s tweets.  Good behind the scenes, solid comedy and plenty of pics.  I’m gonna let it slide that he’s a niner’s fan.  So I give him a 7 for Insanity, 8 for Mustness and a 9 for Style.  That’s an overall score of 8.  Definitely follow Al.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.

 

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