Ira’s Drunken Recipes: Hamburgerson February 25, 2013 at 12:01 am
Ingredients: Frozen hamburger patties, English Muffins, a barbecue, one bottle of coconut rum, a can of pineapple, cola.
Step 1: Find bottle of coconut rum in back of pantry, decide to make pina coladas.
Step 2: Discover can of pineapple rings, open and pour juice into glass with rum.
Step 3: Decide that’s close enough to a pina colada, drink three of them.
Step 4: Get hungry, decide to have luau because that would go with coconut drink.
Step 5: Discover luaus are too my work, find frozen beef patties instead.
Step 6: Light gas grill, while drinking fourth pina colada.
Step 7: Put burgers on grill, check pantry for buns.
Step 8: Cannot find buns. Decide English Muffins are close enough.
Step 9: Run out of pineapple juice, eat pineapple rings while chugging coconut rum from bottle.
Step 10: Notice smoke coming from gas grill.
Step 11: Discover patties are burned on one side, but nearly raw on the other.
Step 12: Place burned patty on muffin, take bite.
Step 13: Choke on charred meat, vomit onto grill.
Step 14: Turn off grill, close lid.
Step 15: Make drunken attempt to hide shameful barbecue accident.
Step 16: Finish bottle of rum. Ignore smell and complaints about burning vomit.
Step 17: Pass out with partially eaten English Muffin burger in hand.